Purpose of life? Shoo! Get away from that trap, right now!
Life was going on as normal as it could, which meant I was doing my work, watching my diet, trying to get into shape, travelling as I wanted to and trying to make something out of life. In a way, I had no qualms with life. Something that I was thankful to have.
Then one day, my system broke. I still don’t have a definitive moment for when this happened. But all I know is I started looping, without realizing it then, which I so very well do now and wish I could smack myself right then!
The loop went like this:
‘What am I doing?’
’Is this all life is about?’
‘What will set me apart?’
‘But what will I do once I achieve that?’
’What will give me satisfaction?’
’What is it that makes me truly content?’
’Is it only about grief?’
’Is it only about fun?’
’How many series will I even watch?’
’My friends are busy, does that mean I am the only jobless one?’
’Why should I even make new friends?’
Get Amritha’s stories in your inbox
Join Medium for free to get updates from this writer.
‘Should I move to a different country? A different city?’
‘Should I go stay in some remote place away from everything I know?’
‘Am I in depression that am talking like this?’
‘Or is this what mid life crisis looks like or even worse, existential crisis, is that you?’
These barrage of questions led me to that one constant question : ‘What is the purpose of life?’
Purpose of life! When I retrospect, I can tell you that it is the most irrelevant question you can ask yourself.
I will tell you why!
- I looked up philosophers from across time periods — each one’s answer differed, it seemed like they were caught in this loop too and trying to figure out life for themselves, which gave birth to each of their writing.
- I sought God — it took me in a different direction where I was almost ready to go sit in the Himalayas. I had to hold on to myself tightly to retain myself in the actual world. By the way, I believe in God, the higher power, but in this instance I was only looking for an easy way for peace or even a lazy approach, which meant I was not using my brains as God intended me to, so yes back to the normal me it was.
- I youtube’d spiritual gurus — I realised that am still sane enough to not get into that faux spirituality of swaying and dancing and looking at an ant move and enjoy the beauty this nature is. Don’t get me wrong, I would rather do all this when and how I want to rather than being enforced in the name of true contentment. Anyways, that veered me away from what my idea of spirituality was not.
- I tapped into my emotional intelligence — It started acting way too intelligent by asking questions which did not even exist in the first place, and instead acting like a therapist to my ownself, trying to see if there was a problem with me that am trying to ask all these questions. In turn, trying to create another loop of its own, so I had to tap it down. I had no energy for Dr. Jekyll and Mr.Hyde.
I went in circles , only to realize that me seeking out life’s purpose was acting exactly against the whole purpose of life. That is a question that should never have existed. Why? Because, in trying to decode the purpose of life, I could have actually done something with my life, even if it was as small as reading a book.
Does that mean we should live without a purpose? No! Have your goals, list down what you want to do. But don’t ask yourself if this is what your purpose is. The only purpose is to live. I would have scrunched my nose at this earlier, but as sappy as it sounds, that is the wholesome truth. Yes, in some way those philosophers, the almighty from the Gita, our vegan promoting gurus, all of them were pointing to this answer. At least what I realised after a year of debating this mind-grinding concept.
So, if you are one of those self-torture specialists dealing with whatever flavour of crisis it is -the mid-life glitch or a full blown existential crash or buffering without a need to, I would say ‘Go back and do something, even if it as stupid as scrolling or reddit gossips. Anything is better than sitting and inflicting self harm with a non-existent loophole!’
Go create your contentment, which does not lie in a grand gesture of life, but in tiny everyday moments you create for yourself and the others. Awww! Such enlightenment. After a year of curating my own misery. Wow!
