it’s sick to wish life stops here but I still set two alarms the second one is for the version of me who won’t get up after the first she never thanks me tho. I say “fine” before the question finishes I’ve gotten good at it the way you get good at a road you hate driving. I used to send food back if one bite came out cold tonight I ate a whole plate of it,standing, and didn’t notice until it was gone.
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I stopped doing the things I love that’s not even the worst part the worst part is I look at them now sitting where I left them and I don’t miss them I don’t feel anything that makes me want to start nothing happened that’s what I can’t explain. No one left or maybe there’s someone left actually but nothing broke I should be alright shouldn’t I? Yet I just looked up one day and the rooms were the same size and I was smaller in them.
This isn’t the life I wanted But when I try to picture another one nothing shows up i don’t even wanna think about it.. I don’t want to be here and I don’t want to leave. It’s like one night…that night a switch flipped and everyone kept walking and I just stayed. I want the world to hold still for one week. just long enough to catch up without anyone noticing I fell behind. But tonight my phone lit up at 1am with nothing important and I checked it anyway like some part of me is still waiting to be found.
So I hope I’m not empty.
and that I’m just…quiet.
