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“Balls," Said the Queen. "If I Had ’em, I’d be King."

I recently watched An Unmarried Woman, a 1978 film directed by Paul Mazursky, and I must say it is one hell of a movie. Although it contains some adult themes and nudity, it is a deeply moving and thought-provoking piece of cinema.
Erica is such a sweet and beautiful soul, which naturally makes you wonder: how did she end up married to Martin for seventeen years? Despite having a good physical relationship, Martin suddenly breaks down in tears on a New York sidewalk and confesses that he has been having an affair with a much younger woman and wants a divorce. What breaks your heart is the aftermath Erica is left to carry the guilt, shame, and heavy emotional baggage of divorce, while Martin moves on as though he walked away from nothing.
When Erica confronts Martin with a myriad of questions asking whether it was her body, her flesh, or Erica the person he was tired of, he has no real answers. She tells him that all she ultimately meant to him was an expensive companion he needed to make love to. Worse, he expects her to just be okay with the divorce, knowing full well he was the only man she had ever been with. Life, right?
𝗙𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗱𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽, 𝗩𝘂𝗹𝗻𝗲𝗿𝗮𝗯𝗶𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗤𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗼𝗳 𝗦𝗲𝗹𝗳-𝗘𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗲𝗺
Erica loves music, ballet, art exhibitions, and her circle of three close female friends. Each of her friends has experienced her own fair share of marriage’s complexities, most of which they have quietly made peace with.
One of the most touching scenes takes place when her three friends visit her at home. You can see how genuine and caring they all are. Despite navigating real issues in their own marriages, they choose to gather in a space of complete acceptance where no one is judged and everyone can simply be themselves.
During their conversation, the topic of self-esteem comes up, leaving everyone momentarily silent. Erica’s fifteen-year-old daughter, Patti, joins them in the bedroom. Confident in her mannerisms and unbothered by what her aunts might think, Patti speaks openly about sex and different sexual orientations. In that room, Patti seems to be the only one with a heightened sense of self-esteem perhaps because marriage hasn’t stripped her of it yet. It’s a testament to Erica that, despite everything, she raised such a brilliant, self-assured young woman.
Later, her friend Elaine tries to define self-esteem and breaks down in tears. Her friends attribute it to hormones or her cycle, but those tears reveal a much deeper pain: the realization of what marriage did to her self-esteem, and how divorce took whatever was left. Elaine chose a path after her divorce that she wasn’t proud of just to ease her pain, leaving her feeling stripped of self-confidence. Her tears said everything her words couldn’t.
𝗥𝗲𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗪𝗼𝗿𝗹𝗱 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗦𝗽𝗼𝘁𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗦𝘂𝗯𝘁𝗹𝗲 𝗖𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗿𝗼𝗹
After seven weeks without her husband, Erica realizes the emotional toll of the separation and seeks therapy. Her therapist encourages her to step back into the stream of life and remember that men are human beings who can be enjoyed.
Erica steps out, meets Charlie for a short encounter, and eventually meets Saul an eccentric and passionate artist. While Saul brings warmth and art back into her life, subtle red flags appear. Saul seems controlling he expects Erica to spend the summer with him in Vermont, but when she asks him to compromise for her needs, he resists. He talks about compromise, but demonstrates little of it himself. Throughout their time together, he frequently mentions his wealth, as if money and financial security are the primary pillars upon which a relationship is built.
𝗥𝗲𝗰𝗹𝗮𝗶𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗡𝗮𝗿𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲
This movie teaches us so much about how we allow life’s happenstances to shape our worldview. Those shifts can be positive, negative, or neutral depending on our principles. Whatever life throws at us, we must learn to turn it into something good by looking beyond our immediate circumstances
Erica chooses to live. She opens herself up to falling in love again, but this time with absolute clarity. She resolves to seek a well-paying job so she can care for her daughter, Patti, and never again rely solely on a partner’s income for her security and sense of self.
Toward the end of the film, Martin attempts to come back, asking her to look at him as someone who was "sick and is now well," treating Erica as his doctor. I was so glad when Erica told him that it simply doesn’t work that way. That chapter was long closed.
Even when Saul asks her to join him in Vermont, Erica chooses her own path in New York instead of molding her life around his. The film ends with her walking down the street, carrying a massive painting Saul gave her a powerful symbol that she is carrying her own weight, embracing her autonomy, and stepping fully into her future on her own terms.
𝗙𝗶𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗧𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁𝘀
An Unmarried Woman plays out the painful realities of relationship breakdown and divorce. Yet, it doesn’t leave you hopeless. It reminds us that while heartbreak is real, autonomy and healing are always possible and that there are still great, blossoming relationships out there. May the universe bless us all with such good tides.