The Racist Narcissist: When an Online Karen is Triggered and Wants to be the Center of Your Story
When another white woman called her out, she admitted to being triggered and that it was “not her finest hour,” but made that admission to the other white woman rather than to me directly.
For context, I decided to speak up after years of being a mute about my experiences with child abuse, sexual harassment, and bullying largely surrounding my appearance. In the conclusion of my personal account, a white woman decided to project all of herself onto me.
I mentioned receiving assumptions; she made more.
I mentioned dealing with a lot of prejudice; she displayed hers.
It’s as if for every point I made in my very first article of the series (which she didn’t read), she spawned just to prove and become the living embodiment of those points.
I was hit with the DARVO and “no you”. All the talking points abusive people and their enablers often attack accusers with.
I became an object for her absurd, fabricated assessment. Not a person.
She admitted to not reading the bulk of my series yet wrote comments anyways. Over 1000 words in her replies, insisting that her voice was more important than mine, yet calling me self-involved. Okay, pot calling the kettle…
Then she hit me with the tone policing because I didn’t respond in whatever servile tone she expected of me.
She gaslit me, invalidated me, and then told me I was being aggressive for responding in kind to her “patronizing” (as the other woman who called her out put it). Yet she herself admitted to being triggered and was aggressive in her initial response to me. Of course, only one of us is a valid person and allowed to have emotions in her mind.
White narcissism.
Now I already knew racism and narcissism were linked from an article I came across long ago. But this person’s response was seeing it fully on display in a personal context.
This white woman centered her projections as truth about a woman of color she refused to listen to. She read the conclusion and figured she had the full story. Now it was her turn to share.
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I can’t imagine making up so many lies about a stranger I don’t know. I was attributed things I never said and applied made-up definitions to the terms she used.
It reminded me of this video where a woman who gives advice is met with a troll who eventually crashes out and makes baseless accusations against her. Plastic surgery accusations. Common from insecure women.
Now I realize trolls are an inevitable part of life, especially on the internet due to online disinhibition. I know she probably wouldn’t do any of her ranting to my face in a public setting (well, I’ve seen Karens in the wild, so maybe she would), but I had never read such a narcissistic (and sociopathic) response in my life. Which is impressive considering how long I’ve studied online disinhibition and dark tetrad traits.
She came to my article insulting me, and then, when I broke down her response, said “You hurt my feelings.” She even said, “I’ve been through stuff, but you probably don’t care.”
She’s right! Why would she be so interested in centering herself on my article and telling her story to me when she refuses to fully read mine? I can’t imagine patronizing someone on their own story conclusion, excusing rape and child abuse, and then bemoaning that they probably don’t want to hear about me.
It’s her feelings that matter the most after all. She must be centered. She already decided my article was about her. Sure, we don’t know each other, and I have no previous recollection of ever interacting with this woman, but solipsistic introjection is a strange thing.
Narcissists can always dish rudeness out, but they can never handle it when the same energy comes back.
She figured, “This brown woman has faced so much abuse; I can just say what I want”. But no, it’s never worked that way with me.
I have never stroked humans' egos. Never bent to their bullying.
People don’t hate rapists, murderers, child abusers, bullies, two-faced people, etc like they claim to.
They hate the person who doesn’t stroke and cater to their ego. And that’s what I did when I decided to tell my story that contradicts the narcissists’ fantasies of idealized beauty and obsessive need for attention. Triggered egos.
Then the last reply she hit me with was, “We all have preconceived notions.”
Just like Hulk Hogan's, “I guess we’re all a little racist” in that one audio recording.
When people say these types of things, it’s always to justify their own shittiness. I know humans are shitty. I’ve been privy to that for over 20 years. She and others prove that every day. But you don’t make excuses for it. You work on it.
For all her talk of therapy, if therapy has her self-admittedly triggered, projecting, and being a gaslighting bigot to a stranger whom she’s never met and refuses to read about, but feels entitled to comment on, well…. It’s not working all that well now, is it?
“Narcissists have two sets of rules. They demand YOU do all the apologizing, YOU respect them, YOU can’t say anything or criticize them, YOU do whatever they say, and YOU can’t have feelings or express those feelings. However, none of those rules apply to them. They can do and say whatever they want, whenever they want, never apologize, be totally disrespectful, and they seem to think it’s perfectly fine.” — a much circulated post about the Rules for Thee Not For Me Types
Thanks for reading!
