I’m Not Starting Over. I’m Starting Differently.
At some point, I realized that I had become very good at explaining to myself why I should wait.
I had good reasons for that, at least that’s what I kept telling myself.
AI assisted me with expressing some of my ideas and improving the wording, but the story, experiences and reflections are my own.
A few months ago I decided to leave my job. I had spent many years working as a web developer at a small local company. At the beginning I was ambitious. I wanted to learn, improve and grow professionally. And I did exactly that.
Eventually, I reached a point where I knew there wasn’t much more I could learn there. But in the meantime the people I worked with had become more than colleagues. The office was familiar and comfortable, it felt like home.
I knew I was standing still, but at the time I chose comfort.
Then I became a mother. The flexibility my job offered became valuable, especially when kindergarten introduced us to endless cycle of viruses.
Staying there was simply the decision that made sense to me at that particular time.
But when my second child started kindergarten, something changed for me. I knew I had run out of reasons to keep postponing the things I always wanted for myself, in fact I wanted them even more.
I always knew I was capable of taking on a bigger role, but now I want my kids to see that you shouldn’t let fear or comfort dictate your potential.
My first day at home as unemployed was a real emotional rollercoaster. The excitement of finding the courage to finally do it, the relief I felt on my last day of work, as if I had freed myself from a chain that had been holding me back, and the fear of “What if I fail!”
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At this point I knew the direction I wanted to follow. I created a roadmap, a learning blueprint. But I kept changing it. The privilege of everything available for us online, all the possibilities, are also a curveball. A million courses. I think I lost more time researching which one was better than I did on finishing the course.
Learning Python basics was not that hard, as I was familiar with programming. Then I started a course in Data Analytics. Fortunately, I found it really interesting, which was a relief. One of my fears was not enjoying it.
But something wasn’t “clicking”. At some point I have started juggling with time. I’d start one course, then discover another that was apparently better. But that one didn’t have enough exercises and was too theoretical, so I needed yet another resource to fill that gap.
My desire to get every detail right, making the “perfect” choice, got me into an endless loop, I actually over-analyzed my options, and froze up instead of moving forward.
It’s ironic, I got trapped in the paradox of caring too much.
So, I decided to step back a little to break the loop. I didn’t leave my comfort zone just to build a new one. I left my job because I wasn’t growing in it, and instead of progressing I found new ways of holding myself back.
I knew I had to organize whatever was going on in my head. I had ideas I hadn’t tested, skills that I needed to learn and projects that existed only in my imagination. The positive side, or ironic, is that I found out that I actually do belong in this field, not only I can analyse thigs, I can over analyse things 😊
Then one day my brother called me. He had an idea that we should experiment with AI agents for making videos. I got interested in the idea and started spending more time exploring it. Somehow that led me to realize that the best way for me to move forward was to turn this into a big project. To start working directly on a project that can give me the opportunity to learn and practice. Not that I won’t ever use another source, obviously, when I get stuck, I’ll use courses, books, tutorials, AI, whatever gets me moving and understanding better.
The plan is actually pretty simple, to start a kids YouTube channel with AI-generated videos. I’ll learn how to work with limited data and test ideas. And then hopefully use it as my first real-world Data Analytics and Data science laboratory. The channel and project should fuel each other’s growth.
So here I am, at the very start of my journey. The same day I created a YouTube account and started writing this article.
One of the reasons I decided to start writing is to track my journey and all the steps along the way — I guess few steps up and more steps down. But hey, up or down, still better than standing still.
But the bigger reason I wanted to start writing is that I have always feared judgement. I am afraid of making mistakes. This is me stepping way out of my comfort zone. Everything about me posting this article is making me uncomfortable. But I do need to step up and embrace a challenge. Not someday. Not when I feel more qualified, more confident or more prepared.
Now.
By M.A.
