I’m a messy Boring Bitch. My existence has no value.
If your mind was an open notebook left on a crowded coffee shop table, how many pages would someone have to turn before they got bored and closed it?
Think about it before you look away. We live in a culture that treats attention like a moral obligation. Araw-araw tayong nade-demand ng algorithm at ng lipunan to curate our internal chaos into a series of highly aesthetic plot twists, para lang mapatunayan na may market value ang paghinga natin. Kapag wala kang dalang makatas na heartbreak, isang existential breakdown, o isang nakaka-shook na epiphany bago mag-midnight, ang unspoken verdict ng mundo sa’yo ay simple: you are failing the assignment of being interesting.
But what if the most ethical thing you can do sa era ng mga clout at engineered spectacles ay ang maging isang ganap at walang-pagsisising “uncontentable” human being?
Sobra kasi tayong nakakondisyon sa isang napaka-rigid at transactional logic. We look at human value through the lens of clout and shock value. Inisip natin na kapag ang isang thought ay hindi nakakuha ng mabilisang “reaccs,” kapag ang isang experience ay walang poetic sting, o kapag ang gabi mo ay hindi instagrammable sa ilalim ng isang specific filter — it is a waste of a timeline. Ginagawa nating commercial commodities ang sarili nating kwento, feeling natin na kapag ordinaryo ang buhay mo, reflection agad ‘yun ng isang walang-lamang utak.
Takot na takot tayong lamunin ng katahimikan tuwing may magtatanong ng, “Ano’ng pinagkakaabalahan mo ngayon?” tapos wala tayong maipakita kundi isang tahimik na hapon at malamig na kape.
The bait of our collective anxiety ay ang paniniwala na kapag wala kang maisip na interesting topic, failure ka na bilang isang tao. That this piece is not about your lack of topics at all. It is about the phantom audience na patago mong pinerperforme-an.
Get Pluma 🦖’s stories in your inbox
Join Medium for free to get updates from this writer.
When you complain na walang ka-kwenta-kwento ang script ng buhay mo, hindi ka talaga nagluluksa dahil sa kawalan ng saysay ng buhay mo; nagluluksa ka dahil wala kang taga-palakpak.
We wrap our self-worth sa mga deep-sounding intellectual crises, pilit nating ginagawan ng breakdown ang mga simpleng bagay, dahil ang isang uncomplicated, mabagal, at unobserved na buhay forces us to face the rawest truth of our reality: hindi ntin kayang mag-exist nang walang consumer. The logic of the modern mind is so warped na mas gusto pa nating mag-manifest ng toxic na problema para lang may mai-status, kaysa i-accept ang quiet dignity ng isang araw kung saan walang nangyaring masama.
True wisdom is realizing that the lack of a spectacular story is the only real proof that your peace hasn’t been compromised.
The unmapped, fiercely private landscape of your quietest days is a beautifully volatile terrain; dangerous because it completely layout-shames the loud, performative tragedies that society uses as social currency. Ang tignan ang isang kalmadong isip at husgahan ito bilang “empty” dahil lang hindi ito sumisigaw para sa validation ay isang masterclass in pure, uncompromised perspective.
“We do not preserve our sanity to become a headline in someone else’s feed ;we do it because our quietude is a boundary that no stranger’s curiosity has the right to cross. Ginagawa natin ito dahil ang katahimikan natin ay isang bakod na walang karapatang pasukin ng kahit sinong tsismis.”
That is the definitive answer to the riddle of your boredom. If no one finds you interesting, it means you have successfully built a sanctuary that cannot be commercialized. Para kang isang halaman na nag-phophotosynthesis sa isang kwartong nakasara ang kurtina — growing entirely for the sake of your own roots, at walang pakialam kung walang dumaraang estranghero para kuhanan ng litrato ang mga dahon mo.
So yes, mukha ngang boring ang timeline mo para sa mundong adik sa constant adrenaline. Pero ngayong nasagot na natin kung bakit may value ang kalmado mong buhay, kung sakaling makahanap ka ng pinakamalupit at pinaka-mind-blowing na topic na isusulat mo ngayong gabi, isusulat mo ba ito para mas maintindihan ang kaluluwa mo, o naghahanap ka lang talaga ng mautak na paraan para hindi ka talikuran ng mga taong pinapanood ang katahimikan mo?
Akala ko rin noon, ang pagiging rurok ng talino ay ang pagkakaroon ng maingay na opinyon sa bawat dramatic paradox na inilalapag sa lamesa. Now, I look at the beautiful, vacant spaces of our ordinary days and realize that true ethical survival lies in the elegant refusal to be entertaining. Kung patuloy akong reredautan ng mundo na gawing public exhibition ang mga private thoughts ko, pipiliin ko ang blankong papel araw-araw. Because at the end of the day, alam ko ang sarili kong logic
“I am not a premise waiting to be debated by the crowd; ako ang tahimik na kwaderno na wala silang pwedeng gawin kundi iwan’ng hindi nababasa nang buo.”
