Mother In Law Issues

This year marks 10 years my husband and I have been together, and 8 years married. We have kids, which will be relevant to the story later on. Years ago, we made a difficult decision to move out of our home state to live in a new state, where my husband found a job and we could afford to buy a house. We fell in love very young, 18 & 19 years old, pregnant and married a year and a half into our relationship. It went fast. I always gave my MIL grace due to how abruptly we were engaged and married within 2–4 weeks and 16 weeks pregnant with a baby. It was a lot at once. She wasn’t exactly happy about it but she came around once she met the baby. By the third child, and 7 years of marriage she would be thrilled about us having grandchildren right? Wrong.

I’m going to back track here, when we told his parents we bought a house in the new state where my husband had found a job and had been working there for 6 months in a work paid for Air B&B, his mom was uncomfortably unhappy for us. She sat there and looked so upset that we had the audacity to take our kids out of state to make a better life for ourselves. Sadly, my husband was visibly upset by her reaction, contrary to his perspective was one of his greatest accomplishments thus far in his life second to the birth of his children. Imagine your mom sitting there and acting shocked like this wasn’t coming. We’d been looking at houses for months, and he worked full time in the new state. We had been living apart for 6 months, and we finally found the house we wanted and couldn’t wait to share the news and all she could say was why didn’t you buy a house here in X state? I only would have helped you if you bought here in X state not the new (Y) state. That was the beginning of the demise of their relationship.

Politics have caused more family problems in our family than I can count. For 7 years of my marriage I’ve watched my MIL try to influence my husband to switch sides. Keep in mind, our 3rd date included the talk about kids, parenting style, political views, finances, interests, hobbies, and we just clicked, everything aligned. At the time, he was interested in enlisting so we were forced to talk about these things in case he deployed and we needed to get married before he left for bootcamp. His mother is convinced I’ve brainwashed my husband and influenced him so greatly and I believe she resents me because of it. I would have never dated him if they shared the same political views in the first place so therefore no brainwashing necessary on my part, just to clear that up!

Fast forward to the move to X state, we purchased our home and moved shortly after 2021–2022. COVID had died down and people could leave their houses again, so his parents would visit us on occasion when we first moved out here. His mom would offer to go to the grocery store whenever they arrived from driving from (y) state. She would ask me specifically to go with her, and only me. When we would get in the car, she would ask me 15–20 questions about why we won’t talk about politics and how we should be open to having discussions about politics, this went on for years. My husband has shut his mother down, he refused to get into a conversation with her about politics and she would corner me instead. I’d tell my husband, “hey husband would you please ask your mom to stop asking me about politics?” He’s set a boundary and she would cross it EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Only when she got into a car or a space where she was alone with me where she could corner me into a conversation. I’d be polite and tell her, to respect my husband, that I didn’t want to talk about it or debate over who’s right or wrong and figured that was the end of it. ALSO, WRONG.

For my son’s 5th birthday, we invited his parents to the event we held for him and she slipped a comment to me when my husband wasn’t around and I told my husband if she corners me one more time that’s it. I’ve had enough and I’m ready for the “debate” bring it on. Sure enough she made the comment and I went into my investigation mode and disproved all her points, she started crying, and telling me all this crazy stuff (I won’t go into details out of respect of privacy) but let’s just say I sat back and tipped my hat and she was absolutely gobsmacked and upset by my lack of interest of turning to the other side of the track if you will.

Fast forward, two months after the birthday event, my MIL was weird about everything, she’d call my husband only on his way home and say something to him and he would mention it offhand to me and one day she said something about my mom and I started the conversation about politics and I looked at him and said “oh really?” “You think after 7 years of me begging you to get your mom to stop cornering me about politics and ensuring that if we invited your parents to our child’s birthday event that I would go out of my way to strike of a conversation about politics with your mother?”

He thought about it for all of a minute and just shook his head in disbelief, apologizing to me on the spot, knowing I’d never start a conversation with her over politics. That’s actually laughable because I hate talking about them in general, and it’s no one’s business really. I’m not a politician and don’t need to be in a debate with my MIL every time I see her. It caused me so much anxiety to be around his mom at times, I’d ask my husband to not leave my side in fear of getting cornered. They got into a blowout fight over this conversation, she called me a liar and dragged my own mother into the mix and told my husband she started the political conversation and at that point, I just couldn’t take the drama anymore and told my husband I would stay in my own lane from then on out and refused to communicate with her and let it go. She however could not, and so I messaged her and sent her this paragraph, she didn’t reply for 2 days, and when I didn’t respond to her rant back to me because there wasn’t much to reply to other than again to sit and debate her? She copied my text message and sent it to my husband and goes I think it’s very strange your wife is messaging us without you in the thread, and then didn’t reply to my message. The irony is, my husband knew the whole time. We are a unit, we work together and he told me not to respond! He was cracking up when she sent him a copy of my text message like she caught me in the big ole scandal, well the joke’s on her because he proof reads my messages to my MIL just in case they are too mean.

This is where it gets interesting, now I’m 100% sure she hates me. She is the matriarch of her family, unfortunately she hasn’t figured out she’s not the matriarch of MY family quite yet. Last year, a few months after the debacle with the political debacle, we found out we were expecting. My husband is such an incredible man, with a big heart, and wanted to surprise his parents by sending them the announcement to their digital frame we bought his mom for her birthday a few months prior. Well, she had it tucked away in her cabinet, and had to turn it on, update it since it had been so long since she had used it last, and really showed how much she LOVED it. By the time she fired it up and it started working again she seemed put out by the whole situation and didn’t seem interested in doing it. My husband (finally) sends her the photos we took for our announcement of the new baby, and while she was FaceTiming our oldest child, looks at her frame, looks back at the screen, hands the phone to her husband and proceeds to WALK AWAY… didn’t say a single word. That’s a testament to how much she despises our marriage in my eyes. My husband was so mad, he didn’t talk to her for almost an entire year. She didn’t get to see the birth of her grandchild, and still to this day, only met him one time since he’s been born. She refused to take responsibility in her part of the drama, blames it entirely on me. She also blames me for her behavior towards me that I prevent her from seeing her grandchildren, which I don’t. She can drive herself here anytime. We have an open door policy even though she’s been incredibly disrespectful to me as the wife of her son and the mother of her grandchildren.

In May, we had the kids call her for Mother’s Day, and she decided to tell my oldest child who shares a birthday with her mom that she was throwing a tea party for the Great Grandmother’s birthday (which again is the same day as my child’s birthday) and riled them up with that information, and instead of coming to my husband and I as her parents to ask us if she can invite her to it, she went straight to the source who she knew would go crazy asking us to go. We had planned to go and make a trip to (Y) state. I asked if my mom could come, my husband asked his mom and she said no. I sent her a message letting her know we would not be coming because I don’t feel it’s right to not include my side of the family and I’m teaching my children to be inclusive for all family and she was so mad that her response was comical. “I’m processing the lies and hate you spit at me” disregards my message and addressed my husband only, letting him know he could bring my daughter by himself to the party! Am I the asshole? Probably. But honestly, her hostility and the constant victim mentality, she’s always telling me that whenever we meet our maker that it will be up to them to judge. Do you know how not to lose access to your grandchildren? Piss off their mother. My mom has been our rock the last year and we’ve been dealing with so many issues with my own grandma’s health. She couldn’t make our child’s party last year and since his mother copped an attitude with us, my child opted to not invite them last year to the party so here we are. Another year, another attitude to boot.

The funny thing is, well it’s not funny at all. My husband is the coolest, friendliest, always willing to lend a helping hand, cool, calm and collected type of person right? His mother is the only person on this planet that makes him turn that switch on a 180. She makes him so upset with the way she treats me and how she blames everyone around her but herself for her behavior and the words that come out of her mouth. The last thing she told her son, a day before Father’s Day was “you are so toxic, I don’t recognize you anymore, get some professional help.” She doesn’t know a single thing about her own son. He’s such an amazing person, with a heart of gold. She’s projecting her own insecurities onto us. The very next day she wished him a happy Father’s Day like nothing ever happened the day before!

Also, to my MIL if you happen to find this story and you think it’s about you? It is. Don’t even doubt it. I’ll be emailing you bible verses about leave and cleave this week so be on the lookout for it!

-Sincerely,

One pissed off Mother