España, the land of the free, the wrecked, and the lost
How cruel is it to be encapsulated with grief in a city so full of life?
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I roam the streets of yet the busiest lines of chaos, market banters, and laughter from bypassers clashing into almost a harmony of utter noise and havoc. I stop. I stare. Almost as if in full meditation. I grasp to take everything in. Irony in its finest, I felt the quietest man who has ever stepped foot in España. The term ‘gulo’ feels as vast as noise almost has its own dynamics here. Gulong masaya, gulong may poot, gulong mula sa sistema at patuloy na laban ng mamamayang Pilipino.
“Kahit pasukuin pa tayo ng sistema, ng buong mundo, ilalaban kita! Lalaban ako, kasama mo.” Third World Romance (2023)
I find sublimity in finding romance during mayhem. A signal of hope in a pandemonium. A contrasting story, but beyond all, it is fascinating how we are yet to still find love in the midst of it all. I find collective care from the palms of strangers ready to reach for my jeepney payment, I find love from bargaining clothes I bought in Divisoria and the small conversations made from it, I find love in the subtle caress from an old woman crossing the road at the same time as me. As peculiar as it is, I find love from the gaze slithered between the both of us when I am engulfed by the crowd of walking silhouettes of Manila.
In spite of the richness of love and its intense extremities, mapapakain ba tayo ng pagmamahal? O poot sa isang nagmamahal ang labis na pag ibig sa kulang na espasyo ng sistema?
I fondly graze interest over Filipino homographs. Pagsubók, in chaos, in mayhem, in disturbances where we are dissolved in longing and grief. Nagkakaroon ng Págsubok. We try, try to fix, try to consume, try to stay. Patuloy akong magkakaroon ng pagsubok. Mas magaang sumubok, at subukin, ng buhay: kung kasama kita.
Patuloy akong gugutumin ng pagsubok, ngunit pakakainin ako nang punong puno kong pagmamahal. Pagmamahal kong sumubok, pagmamahal kong magsimula, at pagmamahal kong bukas para sa’yo. Sa bawat yapak at hapos ng hangin ng Maynila, sigurado akong paguwi ko ay yakap mo na ang una.
