forever grateful
He survived a childhood of hardship gracefully, teaching me how to face a daunting rare tumor with total peace.
It turns out, that all the gastric accumulation and pain after lunch everyday all these months so far, wasn’t just me ageing. The technologist found a rare type of tumor in my pancreas, that’s to be removed in four day’s time by a distal pancreatomy surgery. I don’t have my parents around, neither my mother in law, nor my elder sister. My younger brother might be able to visit me during surgery and afterwards. However, I haven’t lost my sleep even for one night over this course of time. Because I have him, my husband. I don’t feel alone and somehow this doesn’t feel as tough to deal with as it could without him.
That day when he told me his story, when we barely started dating in 2017, I knew that he will never leave my side if I didn’t leave him today.
“who you think is my dad, isn’t my dad in reality. He is just someone my mom is dating and has helped me in my childhood.”
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He went on to say the whole story and gave me a choice to choose him or leave him at this point. I see him differently right now than I have seen him so far. His vulnerable side tells a tale of his unfair childhood. At the age when other kids were arguing about choosing a toy, he was trying to convince the judge that he would choose to stay with his mom and not his dad. He didn’t know that his mom wasn’t given a chance to study by her parents, simply because of her gender. And that his mom probably liked to give up on the only child she reared in her womb for 9 months, because she knew she had no means to earn and give her a good childhood as a single mother in India. He believes his struggles were his fate and he accepted all the challenges thrown by mother nature so far gracefully. At the age when children would normally be scolded by parents to study a little bit, he assumed the responsibility of studying so much so he can earn himself a stable and respectable future. No one else would be able to help him in this regards. He studied at his relatives homes during the vacation in hostel, since his mom was in London — trying to do the rough jobs and pay his fees. Grateful him, would study without fans and lights in living room of a relative who’d make comments about his mother’s deeds and cursing his presence in their home. At the age when children couldn’t stop telling stories of their family to their friends, he remained afraid to be asked any of his own.
This man I saw today, has eyes full of respect for whosoever supported him so far, without even a bit of complaint about why did they give him the childhood as tough. This man is ambitious about his future without a penny from inheritance. This man has never received true and endless affection from anyone so far. Not even his parents kept him close. His mother stayed with him for two years in his entire life until so far. And now he is asking me to choose him, or he is totally fine if I choose otherwise. Without any emotional drama, a straightforward fact was laid out in front of me. And I couldn’t help but think of the unfortunate events that happened to him so far, and that for the sake of kindness also, I can not deprive him of the love he deserves truly.
“No matter what” I said, “I will be with you forever”.
His eyes rained as he heard the words he never received from anyone else. We made a pack that day, which is unbreakable, can not shake or wither. It is a promise of forever and that came with the acceptance of unforeseen circumstances in his or my families, in our health, or our finances. He said he is going to Canada in a month’s time for pursuing his master’s degree in engineering. And that earning is a long way from now still. Yet, he will be grateful to this bond and my decision for him forever.
I grew up with an elder sister, mom and dad, and a younger brother who was like an elder one since school time already! Everyone so much caring and extremely empathetic to me. Having no one elder than me around me for my surgery would bother me otherwise. Yet, I slept peacefully every night before my surgery. Knowing that, I have lived fully since I shifted with Kevin after 4 years lenthy long distance relationship. Knowing that no matter the outcome, I will have him by my side until one of us part the life itself. I was ready for whatever life throws at me after surgery too. Having him by my side has made me this so courageous.
The tumor is out of my body now. I am healing. He cooks. My younger brother stayed for a bit too with me and that was a huge support to Kevin too morally, mentally. Krupa, my dearly friend supported me more than I could’ve ever expected from any friend. Mother nature healed me in no time.
Forever Grateful 🥲
