dear seungcheol,
dear seungcheol,
happy birthday :)
I don’t really know how to begin without getting emotional.. you make me feel things deeply.
I used to think that only closest one could feel your love, but I was wrong, because its strange how you can mean this much to me.. someone who doesn’t even know me. but you do. you really do.
sometimes I wish there were better words than thank you. you came into my life without even knowing it, you came to me when everything felt dull, heavy, numb. I didn’t looking for you, but somehow you found me. you weren’t loud, you just.. showed up. and maybe that’s why it meant so much. you weren’t trying to save anyone, you’re just being you. and yet, you saved me.
and now, here you are. another year older, another year more.. you.
its been such a full year of you, hasn’t it? so many stages, many smiles, so much growth.. I still remember the ache in your eyes back then, and I remember holding my breath with you that time. and watching you now.. theres no other word for it but beautiful. I’m so happy for you, seungcheol. you made your way back, stronger, braver, and softer too, somehow..
to me, you’re both of moon and sun.
you look like the kind of man who could carry the weight of the world, just by how dependable you look.
but there’s this thing about you, the way your lips turn down in a pout when things don’t go your way (its just your default anyway), the way your eyes get soften when you talk to someone you love, the way you remember small things, the way you let yourself feel things.. you’re the kind of person who hold so much love inside you and not afraid to show it.
you’re strong, but not the kind of strength that pretends nothing hurts, its natural, its in the way you keep going.
those moments hit me hard because it takes different kind of strength to be vulnerable.
sometimes I wonder if you realize how much you mean to us, how many lives you’ve touched just being you. just being s.coups, just being seungcheol.
maybe there are days when you don’t feel that, when you question your worth, question yourself..
but I hope, on those days, you hear the voices that remind you of how deeply you are loved, how deeply you are seen, how deeply you are cherished..
because even though you don’t always see it, you’re so beautiful.
god I wish you could see yourself the way I see you..
you’re not just beautiful by the way you look, but the way you listen, the way you stay true to your words, the way you care for others, the way you put others first,
the way you’re just being you.
and with that big heart and kind soul of yours, I hope you’re surrounded by people who love you, who hold your softness gently, who remind you that its okay to rest, to breath, to be human.
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I hope that the world will always be kind to you,
I hope its full of warm things and kind laughter that makes your dimples shows up, makes your eyes crinkle.
I hope you keep growing, but I also hope that you give yourself space to just be you. to not always lead, to not always carry.
but to be soft.
to be loved.
I wish I could show you, I wish I could tell you what you’ve done for me.. how you, just by existing, made me also want to exist..
I wish I could tell you how loving you never felt difficult, its just easy, as easy as breathing.
I remember someone once said that love should be easy, and I think I get it now.
because loving you is easy, it’s the most sincere thing I’ve ever felt.
you’re so loveable, seungcheol. in the loudest and quietest ways. loving you has always been the easiest thing I’ve ever done.
so to you, who didn’t let go of my hand when I wanted to die..
thank you for holding on,
thank you for staying,
thank you for showing up, even on the days that seems like it would’ve been easier to disappear.
whether you’re s.coups in front of thousands,
or seungcheol that curled up at home,
smile or hurting..
please know that you are loved, endlessly.
and I will keep loving you in every kind of way.
thank you for being born, seungcheol.
in another lifetime, I would still choose to love you over and over again.
happy birthday, seungcheol, my safest place..
you are so deeply loved. always.
