I see that you’ve grown,
and I get that you’re trying to name structure instead of just saying the right things.
Repair isn’t just insight. Repair is harm fully accounted for, and then changed behavior.
I need you to stop using coded, sideways mechanisms…fake profiles, proxies, stealth connection…because even if you think it “counts” as disclosure, it isn’t. It just puts me back into the confusion and constant scanning that you trained in me before. It heightens my anxiety. It drags my body back into fear. It makes me feel unsafe again.
And if you truly want repair, your concern has to be how I experience things…because the cost is not abstract for me. The cost has been my body. My future. My lost time. My relationships. My finances. My security.
So yes — sit in MY experience.
Not your version of what it meant. Not your narrative. Not your root-cause speech. Though it IS progress that you’re willing to actually look at that. Real progress would be naming specifics of the support you have in that and not some friend group or something internal but a real mechanism.
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Own what you did and what it did:
What did you do to me specifically?
What has been the impact still now — on my body, my trust, my ability to feel safe?
What did it cost me in my life: the time, the relationships, the money, the security I had to rebuild because of your choices?
I’m not interested in “repair” that feels like avoidance dressed up as communication nor am I interested in coaching you through it. I am aware of every time I have to tell you these things. It’s no better than trickle truth.
Communicate directly. Be you. And make your next actions in repair to match the harm you caused — not the story you want to tell about it.
Stop using the sideways comms. It’s disturbing. If you’re comfortable with that you’re still hurting me.
