THE GIRL CALLED DIAMOND: NOSTALGIC FEELING
I wonder what the girl hidden within the chambers of my soul feels about what her older version has become.
The girl who would step into a room without a care in the universe. Diamond was her name and her act. She was the drama queen whose lifestyle was worthy of being a role model. Bold and confident, she was everything she believed herself to be.
I wonder what the girl who commanded attention and earned respect and awe would think of what she has become.
Forget the glamorous aspects and the growth the world sees. Let’s talk about the nostalgic feelings she buried, or perhaps outgrew.
The feeling of being free-spirited without having to worry about tomorrow’s troubles and struggles.
She had her whole life mapped out, but how many of the red dots did she neglect? How many memories and days does she wish she could have made better choices in?
The running around on the vast green fields, jumping around with the other children, sliding and gliding, sweets in her mouth and pockets, that pure, innocent smile and look.
The classrooms, the classes and seatmates. The funny ones, the weirdos, the goofy and cringe individuals.
The harsh-looking teachers and the minimally equipped laboratories. The assembly grounds and all...
How funny that time flies, yet we barely notice it happening. Looking back now, there was so much fun, so many complicated things and even hurt, although most memories are beginning to blur and fade away as though they never existed.
The random jokes and unreasonable fights. Childhood and teenage days were gems she hid in a wooden box.
The spark and brightness of that girl. The stage she commanded, her boldness and the way she carried herself with confidence, without an inferiority complex.
If she looks at the older version of herself now, will she see growth staring back at her? Or was growth never about changing one’s personality, but learning how to live with it while embracing maturity?
Perchance it was about bringing the past along while allowing a more mature and composed girl to emerge.
Take away the shyness, and she learns that boldness and confidence are never about deliberately seeking attention.
Perchance the girl called Diamond never disappeared. She probably only learned when to speak, when to be still, and how to carry herself differently.
And maybe, beneath all that composure, she still misses the freedom of being unapologetically herself.
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