What do I do? I have this knot tied inside of my stomach, making me to puke my soul out. I have not dated so many, but for almost a decade I chose him over and over. I felt the force of the universe, I saw something in him that no words could explain.
So how can I explain this feeling, the fear of losing him, knowing that he has other plans, other lovers, other interest while we sat down together, slipped through alcohol and smokes talking about our future? While we were at our happiest, I asked him a simple question “if something happens to me, will you promise to love the two souls that I love like my life beside him”, he stopped the moment of time and said “I have thought about us for millions of years ahead, a life you and me, so don’t ask things like this”. Those words hit me home, to know that he is my man, my lover, my home.
Now my house is crumbling down with the trust I built with around him. Secret messages I found in his phone, his obsession over her, the moments that they have had when they saw each other. He said she was a friend, but why do I have this feeling, feeling of evil wrapped around our love. Just like the serpent has reached the garden, but this time, it is Adam who she has wrapped around.
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All the unanswered questions that I had, he covered with an anger that I couldn’t make sense. A missing jewelry of his on her neck. Whole wall of privacy around him, the distance but glued to his phone, what do I need to do the realize that I am not a fool to believe your lies except for the fact that I see you as a Creep which disgust me to my core.
I am lost between you and her. I am in bed with lot of questions that you only knows the answers to, but just a single ask, you scream bloody murder. What do I do now?
If I choose to leave you, I will make sure I will leave no trace of myself or the life we built. There wouldn’t be hellos or goodbyes anymore. It would be just a decade of love, trust (which you loved to break), three souls along the way vanishing into thin air for you.
How do I untie this knot in my stomach?
