How i learned to enjoy my own company
Here’s what helped me get here
Five years ago, I moved out of my parents’ home.
I’ve been living alone and mostly staying indoors ever since, and I was perfectly fine with that.
These days, I go out often, on my own. I remember the first time I challenged myself to show up at a bar alone. The waiter asked how many people would be joining me, and I said it’s just me.
From the look in her eyes, I could tell she felt sorry for me, even before the words came out of her mouth about how I might not have too much fun if I’m alone.
I told her I was going to have fun, and fun I did have. The DJ that night didn’t disappoint, so I sang along, danced, met new people I vibed with, and danced with them for the night.
To me, I have fun when I’m alone in my room. The only difference this time around was that I chose to do it outside in the midst of people.
I wasn’t always this way. It’s something I learned to do.
Here are 11 habits that helped me enjoy being alone and appreciate my own company, and might help you too.
1. Build a daily mindfulness habit
Start listening to your own thoughts.
This is what Eckhart Tolle calls “being an observer of your own thoughts.” Then, learn to sit with any emotions those thoughts or other people’s actions might trigger: happiness, sadness, anger, or frustration.
Sit with the uncomfortable feelings and do nothing.
Also, learn to become present by giving your full attention to mundane, everyday tasks like brushing your teeth, taking a shower, or washing your hands.
Journal your thoughts. Write about what you’re thinking, what you’re anxious about, what’s bothering you, what made you happy, what made you sad, and what triggered certain emotions.
This habit taught me that feelings come and go. And whichever emotion is present, I should learn to sit with it instead of suppressing or running from it. Over time, I started identifying patterns of thought and actions that helped me understand myself better.
2. Be your own best friend
A few months after consistently observing my thoughts, I became more aware of my subconscious thoughts and the automatic actions they drove.
And because I could catch those thoughts, I could decide what action to take instead of allowing the automatic reaction to take over.
For instance, I noticed that I had some thoughts about my past that I always suppressed and dismissed whenever they surfaced. I created space to start admitting these things verbally to myself and then acknowledging how they made me feel. It was kind of like trusting myself with my own secrets.
Sometimes, a small action from someone would make me feel sad or hurt. Then I realized I’d rationalize it and tell myself, “It’s not that deep anyway. You shouldn’t feel that way.” I’d scold myself for being petty and tell myself not to feel that way.
I stopped doing this, because it meant invalidating my own emotions. Instead, I’d admit how I felt, even if the emotions seemed petty or irrational. I decided that even if I lied to everyone else about how I felt, I’d never lie to myself about it. The deal was not to keep any secrets between myself and me.
I applied this same process to emotions society often labels as “bad,” like comparison, envy, and jealousy.
3. Start doing hard things
Another thing that came from consistently observing my thoughts was realizing that I wanted to change some of these automatic actions.
As Dr. Joe Dispenza rightfully said, anytime you decide to change something about yourself, get ready, because it’s going to be uncomfortable.
But I was committed to changing.
And I was ready to sit with the discomfort, even though I knew it was going to be difficult.
To me, the life on the other side of this journey was something I desperately wanted for myself. In other words, I knew it was going to be hard, but I believed it would all be worth it in the end.
So, I started setting myself little challenges to help me move from who I was to who I wanted to be:
👉🏽 When I was wrong, I admitted it and apologized.
👉🏽 When I noticed something nice about someone, I complimented them on it.
👉🏽 When someone wronged me, I allowed myself to sit with the hurt until I was calm. Then, I’d tell them about it. “When you did X, it made me feel Y. I’d have appreciated it if you’d done Z.”
These things sound simple. But for me, they’ve been some of the most difficult things I’ve done, and they’re things I continue to work on today.
But as they start to become more natural, I’ve noticed that they’ve indirectly helped grow my confidence too.
4. Practice daily gratitude
The mind is naturally wired to focus on the negatives in our lives.
It’s probably why, when I first sat down to write three things I was grateful for each day, my mind went blank. I couldn’t come up with a single one.
So I let myself write the basics: running water, a roof over my head, and electricity.
As I’ve done this over the months and years, I’ve noticed that this single, tiny, completely free habit has changed my life.
It grounds me in times when it feels like things aren’t going my way. Because I can always name at least a hundred other things that are going right and that I’m grateful for.
5. Improve your social skills
What the hell is this doing here? Aren’t we talking about enjoying our own companies?
Allow me to explain.
In the end, we’re social beings. We need interactions with people to feel connected and recharge our mental and emotional batteries.
Even if you can go weeks or months being alone, at some point, you’ll need some human interaction to keep you going.
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Sometimes your friends are busy and you’ve been indoors all day. That’s no problem. You can decide to go out and strike up a conversation with your groceries vendor or a stranger.
That one conversation can make you think about something in a way you’ve never done before, laugh from the depths of your gut, and turn out to be the highlight of your day. Even if none of this happens, any small interaction is enough to get you recharged.
And if you work on your social skills, you’ll have easier access to these kinds of interactions whenever you need them.
6. Get new hobbies
Even if you pick up hobbies you need to do with a group, like football, tennis, or padel, you should still get a few you can do and enjoy by yourself.
For me, I enjoy reading.
I picked up crocheting, and it’s been fun working on little projects for myself and making things as gifts for others.
I also go on walks.
I’ve enrolled in a cooking class, and I’m looking to stay focused and consistent so I can complete it next year.
I like practicing TikTok dances in my room for fun. So when I hit the dance floor during a night out, it’s like I’ve been preparing my whole life for this moment.
These are things that keep my life full and give me things to look forward to.
7. Go out more
Go out to places alone.
Take yourself on solo dates.
Try new experiences.
Explore anything that sparks your curiosity. An event. A coffee shop. A bar or lounge. A club. A restaurant. A pottery class. A conference. A volunteer opportunity. A group trip.
I’ve noticed that when I show up fully present and genuinely having fun, it makes it easier for people to approach me. And sometimes, we end up enjoying the night together.
8. Don’t doomscroll your socials first thing in the morning
Instead, mute your notifications and do something you enjoy doing alone.
Yoga.
Journaling.
Having coffee.
Reading a book.
Anything that rocks your morning boat.
9. Make yourself and others laugh more
You can learn humour.
And I did, after reading Humor, Seriously by Jennifer Aaker and Naomi Bagdonas.
Since then, I’ve noticed I make myself laugh more.
I make others laugh even more, which makes them relax, and then they end up making me laugh even much more.
So when I’m alone or with people, I have a good laugh (and generally speaking, a good time).
10. Start a small side project
It’s another fun and interesting way to fill your time.
For me, one of those projects was publishing 100 posts on this Medium page.
Although I didn’t publish every day like I wanted to, I still hit 100 posts. I reached the goal a few weeks ago, and I’ve been super proud of myself.
This week, I started a small Reddit project to help my sister promote her business. A friend also wants us to work on a project for her business.
It’s been exciting, and I’m hoping to stay consistent and see these projects through.
11. Still, you’ll feel lonely sometimes
There are times when I still feel lonely.
Times when, although I just spoke to a close friend or family the previous day and felt good and had a good laugh, I somehow feel like no one in the world cares about me.
It doesn’t logically make sense. But it’s how I feel.
I don’t invalidate my feelings. I allow myself to feel them fully for as long as they’re there.
Because one thing I’ve come to learn is that feelings like happiness, sadness, and loneliness come and go, although in the moment, they might seem like they’ll last forever.
The feeling will pass.
My final thoughts
I believe one of the most beautiful gifts you can give yourself is learning to enjoy your own company.
Not because you’ll never need other people. But because there’s so much freedom in being able to enjoy your life, whether or not someone is around to share the experience with you.
The work to get there can be super uncomfortable and lengthy.
You’ll have to confront parts of yourself you’ve spent years suppressing, challenge familiar habits, and do things that don’t come naturally to you.
But if you stick to it, all the effort you put in will be so worth it.
