SHE

(A story for all who are depressed and suicidal)

Press enter or click to view image in full size

Walking home in the still night, with only a new moon for company, your thoughts are an angry tornado.

You were never like this. Now, at breaking point and too weary to carry on, you feel worthless, abused and wanting to lay it all down. You struggle as the silent storm erupts within. “It's easy, go on get it over with”, the voice whispers. The repressed anger and angst continue to boil over like lava from a fiery volcano. “You need to pick yourself up and start again”, your stubborn spirit whispers. Trying not to succumb, you wage battle with your morbid thoughts.

A flash of intense feeling like lightning flashes across your disturbed mentality. The angry confusion within the fog - filled mind surfaces, erupts and dissolves into burning tears. It rains down the face in salty stinging torrents, subduing the rage inside. It offers just enough courage. Struggling to hold on to the straws of hope, you try desperately to understand your failure to succeed.

Depression tries to destroy you, and in the background, your lurking flaws scare you, but your fighting spirit manages to break through. It whispers that there is so much worth living for. The mist slowly begins to clear, and the rivers of outrage and self-loathing reluctantly dry out. The silence of the lonely night is soothing, and you begin to mend.

You suddenly hear the crickets chirruping and the frogs calling out to their mates in musical rhythm. The dark night jolts alive with music from the universe. Looking up into the diamond-studded night sky, you see the moon glide through the lighted streets. Somewhere in the distance, the rise and ebb of the tide can be heard. Your eyes slowly sparkle, and a smile lingers on your parched lips alighting softly on your crushed spirit. Your heart smiles. You feel the cool night air caress your tired face and for an instant, you want to stay alive. You want to live.

Exhausted, you enter your apartment. On knocking knees, lips tight with grim determination, you look the world in the eye. Character and courage come shining through to gaze candidly at each other, making a statement to all, but most importantly to yourself, that you are made up of the finest tempered steel. You quickly empty the bottle of pills into the kitchen sink as you take wobbly steps towards the missed milestones in your life. You finally realise that, amidst the lurking flaws and fears, life and living can yet be beautiful. You tell yourself you will never look back.