We Cannot Keep Creating a world where Men are Afraid to Show Affection —
Essay from Rev. Prince Phillips Chidi
When I was growing up, we used to have boyfriends, and there was nothing strange about it. In fact, I remember that during our English classes in primary school, our teacher would sometimes ask us to write a letter to our friend or best friend which in most cases were still boys. And literally, a male friend of yours is a boyfriend, while a female friend of yours is a girlfriend. That is the standard meaning of these words in English. The additional meanings we attach to them today largely come from societal interpretation, not from the words themselves. Those days, You could bring your male friend home and introduce him as your boy friend, and nobody would read any strange meaning into it. The world seemed much more innocent then.
But today, if a man introduces another man as his “boyfriend,” people immediately attach a sexual meaning to the word. The word itself has not changed, but the way society interprets it has changed dramatically.
Interestingly, the same standard does not always seem to apply to women. A woman can introduce another woman as her girlfriend, and people may simply see it as friendship. But when two men use similar language, suddenly everyone wants to become a detective.
Why am I saying all this?
I recently saw a birthday message from Joseph to his male best friend, and some of the comments underneath were honestly disturbing and embarrassing. I have unofficially followed Cruisewithjoe Bekee for a long time because I love his cooking, especially the way his food reminds me of African home cooking. As a foodie, if you scroll through my Facebook timeline, you will find all kinds of Nigerian food vendors because that is the kind of content the algorithm keeps showing me.
When I eventually visit Nigeria again, I would definitely love to visit Joe's Kitchen. I am saying all this simply to make it clear that yes, I am a fan of his work. I admire him as a hardworking young man who started with very little and has worked to build a name and a brand for himself.
But because he wished his male friend a happy birthday, some people suddenly felt entitled to make horrible comments about his sexuality.
What is wrong with us?
Have we forgotten that friendship can be deep without being sexual?
If you want to understand the concept of deep friendship between two men, read the biblical story of David and Jonathan. Their friendship was incredibly deep and sacrificial. Jonathan openly expressed his love for David, and his loyalty to him was so strong that he was willing to risk almost everything for his friend.
And after Jonathan died, David mourned him with these words: “Your love for me was wonderful, more wonderful than that of women.” 2 Samuel 1:26
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Imagine if that exact relationship existed today. Imagine two young men who were extremely close, who openly expressed their love for one another, who cried when they had to separate, who defended each other, sacrificed for each other, and publicly said that their love for each other was deeper than the love they had experienced from women.
What would social media say?
Some people would immediately start making assumptions. Same way someone would post a birthday picture with his best friend, and the comments would probably become a courtroom where everyone suddenly wants to determine the sexuality of two people they don’t even know.
But the biblical account of Jonathan and David gives us another possibility: two men can love each other deeply without their relationship being sexual.
Perhaps we have become so uncomfortable with male affection that we have forgotten what genuine brotherhood looks like. David and Jonathan reminds us that a man can tell another man, “I love you,” without society needing to attach a sexual meaning to it.
Also, there is something called platonic love. Human beings can genuinely love, care for, support, encourage, and even sacrifice for one another without any sexual relationship.
Not every strong friendship between two men needs to be sexualized.
And I will say this unapologetically: we need to stop being so obsessed with other people's sexuality. You don't have to investigate every friendship you see. You don't have to turn every birthday message into a sexual discussion. Sometimes, a friendship is simply a friendship.
And honestly, I sometimes wonder if people who are constantly preoccupied with figuring out other people's sexuality are themselves struggling with insecurity about their own sexuality. Our obsession with labeling other people can sometimes reveal more about us than about them.
I have counselled many young people, and I have learned something important: not everyone has a strong heart to withstand online criticism. The comment you think is just a joke might destroy someone's confidence. The insult you type in a few seconds might stay in someone's mind for years. The person you are laughing at online may already be fighting battles you know nothing about.
So before you comment, think.
Before you judge, pause.
Before you make someone's friendship into a sexual discussion, remember that there are real human beings behind those social media accounts.
Let men have friends, let men love their friends, let men celebrate their friends, let men express appreciation for one another without society immediately turning it into something sexual.
Let men breathe, let men have the freedom to build genuine friendships, express their emotions, support one another, and enjoy brotherhood without constantly worrying about what people will say.
Because men need friendship too. Men need people they can talk to, laugh with, cry with, trust, and depend on. We cannot keep creating a world where men are afraid to show affection toward one another because someone might attach a sexual meaning to it.
The Bible says:
“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.” Proverbs 17:17.
