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You Can Listen Without Agreeing. Here’s Why It Matters
The simple shift that turns arguments into conversations and helps bridge even the deepest divides.
Most of us say we want to be better listeners. Yet the moment someone says something we dislike, our attention quietly shifts from understanding them to preparing our next argument. We stop listening and start defending.
Journalist and executive coach Emily Kasriel calls this a psychological bug: many people fear that listening to an uncomfortable viewpoint means being “contaminated” by it. Deep down, we have learned to confuse listening with agreeing — and that confusion makes us avoid conversations that could actually broaden us.
The myth that keeps us divided
From childhood, “listen to me” often meant “obey me.” A teacher saying it usually wanted silence and compliance, not genuine curiosity. As adults, that early association can follow us into family arguments, workplaces, politics, and online debates.
So when we hear an idea that clashes with our values, an alarm goes off: If I listen, will I lose myself? Will I be forced to change my mind? Rather than risk that discomfort, we talk louder, repeat ourselves, and wait impatiently for the other person to understand…
