At A Certain Point You Have To Be Happy With What You’ve Done
I recently watched a Netflix documentary called Girl Climber. The film follows a young rock climber over a few years as she tries to become the first woman to free-climb El Cap in Yosemite in 24 hours. As part of the documentary, they talked with other female rock climbers and mountaineers. One of the legendary women they interview talks about the constant need to push yourself harder and harder to keep achieving, and the pressure that comes with it, but she sagely says, “at a certain point you have to be happy with what you’ve done.”
This hit me to the core, and I’ve been thinking about that quote on repeat for days.
What she meant, I believe, is that as an elite rock climber, you have to push yourself to the limit, take risks, and make sacrifices. At some point, though, you have to decide you’ve had enough of that life and be okay with moving on, be okay with what you’ve already accomplished.
We all have to make these decisions. We age, our priorities shift, life happens, circumstances change, health issues emerge.
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What I wanted ten years ago, twenty years ago, is very different from what I want now; how I’ve lived my life up until this point does not have to dictate how I live my life moving forward. It’s hard to wrap one’s mind around, though.
I have built a life and a persona on a core belief: show up, speak up, do the work, and be greater than average; this has ultimately required doing as much as I can within the constraints of a 24-hour day and a 365-day rotation around the sun.
That full throttle way of living led to a life very well-lived. Still, it has also led to mental burnout and physiological rebellion that is simultaneously difficult to deal with and, surprisingly, a relief.
Slowing down, setting boundaries, saying no, and staying home feels great in many ways, but it also brings enormous guilt and worry about future personal and professional repercussions for disengaging. I don’t like letting colleagues, friends, or my community down. I pride myself on my work ethic. I like being greater than average.
We put so much pressure on ourselves to do more, be more, engage more. Yet there is comfort in accepting that what I do today, how I feel, or what I want doesn’t dictate those tomorrow. Sometimes, at some point in one’s life, you have to be happy with what you’ve done.
I am.
