Hugs
A user’s guide
I’m not a hugger. It usually feels phony. Hugs should be for close family, the infatuated, or long-lost lovers.
Of course, I’m an outlier. Perhaps my sniffing at the hug makes me more clear-eyed about them than would an aficionado. Here are some types to use or resist:
The Obligatory. Here in the San Francisco Bay Area, the two-second hug is de rigueur. To not hug or even just minimally hug and quickly pull away, would be a mild insult. The Obligatory is yet another if less obvious example of grade inflation: Ho-hum fondness is enough to justify close physical contact.
The Bear Hug. Only sometimes does it reflect deep affection. Often, it’s a style. The same sort of guy and, yes, it’s usually a guy, who strait-jackets you with The Bear Hug, is otherwise hulking and often seen burping a Bud.
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The Tapper. This insult, often perpetrated by a woman, requires multitasking: tapping a few times on your back while ensuring that no breast, let alone hips touch. The Tapper Hug says, I will never, ever sleep with you.
The Full Body. Usually implemented gently, chest and pelvis understatedly touch. The Full Body could represent emotional support or something much more intense.
The Quickie. One second, in and out.
The Exxxxtennded. Unless infatuated, most people are done in 2.25 seconds. The exxxtennder goes 4, 5, even longer. Your gently pulling away will work….sometimes.
Of course, these interpretations need be localized to the culture. The stereotype suggests, for example, that the French, on average, hug fuller than, say the Norwegians, the polyamorous more than the ecclesiastical.
In any event, you now have a host of hugs to interpret, use, or, ahhh, forgo.
I read this aloud on YouTube.
Marty Nemko is a career and personal coach, and author of 35 books including How to Do Life. You can reach him at mnemko@gmail.com, where he is safe from your hugs.
