I feel like I’m in my 30s even though I’m in my 20s
I was scrolling through old photos the other day.
Photos from two years ago.
And I just sat there thinking, why do I look more tired now than I did back then?
I’m still in my 20s.
But most days, I feel like I skipped straight to my 30s.
Not the good parts of your 30s.
The tired parts. The “I just want to sit at home” parts. The parts where going out feels like a task instead of fun.
I used to think this feeling would come later.
Like there was a timeline.
20s are supposed to be reckless. Messy. Fun. Figuring things out while still having energy to waste.
30s are supposed to be settled. Responsible. Tired in a different way.
But somehow I feel like I borrowed the tiredness early and left the fun part behind.
My weekends look the same every week now.
Wake up. Check phone. Feel behind on something. Try to catch up. Sleep early because I have work tomorrow.
Where did the spontaneous plans go?
Where did the “let’s just drive somewhere with no plan” energy go?
I have a coworker who’s actually in her early 30s.
She jokes that she has more energy than me on some days.
She still goes out on weeknights sometimes. She still says yes to random plans.
And I just sit there wondering how.
I think somewhere along the way, we start carrying things we’re not supposed to carry yet.
Bills. Deadlines. Comparisons. The pressure to “have something figured out” by a certain age.
Nobody really tells you that stress doesn’t check your ID before it shows up.
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It doesn’t wait for you to turn 30 to make you feel exhausted.
If you’re overworking, overthinking, and constantly comparing your progress to everyone else’s, your mind ages faster than your body does.
That’s what I think this feeling actually is.
It’s not really about age.
It’s about how much you’re carrying and how little you’re resting.
I used to think being productive all the time meant I was doing life right.
Waking up early, working, side project, more work, sleep, repeat.
But somewhere in that loop, I stopped doing anything just for fun.
Everything became a task. Even things I used to enjoy.
And that’s exhausting in a way that has nothing to do with actual age.
I think we’re the generation that grew up too fast online.
We saw people our age already “successful,” already married, already owning homes, already burnt out and calling it hustle.
So we started acting like we were running out of time before we even got started.
That’s not maturity.
That’s just fear wearing a responsible mask.
I’m trying to unlearn that now.
I’m trying to remember that it’s okay to do something just because it’s fun, not because it adds value to some invisible checklist.
It’s okay to stay out late on a random Tuesday.
It’s okay to not have a five-year plan memorized.
It’s okay to feel 24 and actually act like it sometimes.
Because if I keep living like I’m already in my 30s, I’m going to actually get there and wonder where my 20s went.
And I don’t want to look back one day and realise I aged myself early for no reason.
So maybe the fix isn’t doing more.
Maybe it’s finally letting myself rest, laugh a little louder, and stop rushing toward a future I haven’t even reached yet.
