Don’t Fall Into the Same Trap Twice: A Pro Tip for Overcoming Anger
In this post, I want to share a golden piece of advice I once read in a book, something that can completely change how you perceive certain situations.
We’ve all been in situations where someone intentionally says something just to trigger us, hoping we’ll react in a way we later regret.
Some people do this to see if their words still hold control over us. Others put us in these situations in front of others, hoping that our reaction will damage how we are perceived.
Despite their intentions, we keep falling into the same trap: we give them the reaction they want, and they enjoy it.
In the book “كتاب الأخلاق والسير في مداواة النفوس”, I came across a piece of advice that completely changed how I view these situations, and I felt the need to share it.
Here’s the idea:
When someone intentionally says something to provoke you, take their words and ask yourself where they belong:
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Is it a lie?
Then they have sinned. Leave the rest to Allah, and you are rewarded for your patience.
Is it the truth?
Then it falls into one of three cases:
- It’s a vulnerability you shared with them, thinking they were worthy of trust. In this case, you should be grateful that their mask has fallen.
- It’s actually a good trait, but they see it as a flaw. For example, someone might call you “shy” or “closed off” because you don’t overshare, gossip, or comment on people’s lives. In reality, you are simply mindful of your words, aware that in Islam, we are advised to guard our tongues. And personally, I rarely regretted silence, but often regretted speaking.
In this case, they are complimenting you without realizing it 😊 - It’s a flaw you weren’t aware of. Then this person has done you a favor by pointing it out. Instead of getting triggered, use that moment to reflect and improve yourself.
If you think about it, you benefit in every case. If it’s a lie → you are rewarded, and they bear the consequences of their sins. If it’s the truth → you gain self-awareness and the opportunity to grow.
However, to adopt this way of thinking, you must be self-aware and, most importantly, open to self-improvement. If you have a big ego or prefer to hide your flaws instead of evaluating them, you will keep falling into the same trap.
And I conclude with
Self-awareness demands humility and effort, while ignorance thrives on laziness and pride.
