MONDAY LIES…
of all times, why now?
I had a lot, then it became a few things on my mind
Mind you, you seemed to be mostly part of it,
It played on repeat one two many times, whenever
Whenever it was the time to address it, I’d simply duck and cover
Covered it all away, despite feeling it in me about you.
You and I, already a matching thing to behold and know.
Knowing I could lose that if I truly listened, and made that move
Moving on sounded scary to me, worse was being so passive
Passive aggression with these thoughts, aggressive passion you had
Had part of me in your heart; I couldn’t dare to lose it
Losing you felt horrible than losing myself to keep you
You were a rose in a garden I was never meant to enter, let alone pick
Picking up the habit of tending, impressing, pleasing and influencing.
Influencing you with some of these wrongs I wished I could right again
Again, I’ve ducked away from facing it and kept it on hold
Holding on to my delusions so I wouldn’t disappoint anyone
Anyone could tell we were both happy, yet my smile faded slowly
Slowly, I realized I was losing part of me to some extent
Extending to my lifestyle, I hated being comfortable in this discomfort
Discomfort i mistook for depth, mistook for something worth keeping
Keeping quiet became the loudest thing I ever did to you.
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Did I truly hope you’d care?
Was I wishing for answers I knew I’d never hear?
I kept searching for God’s silence, asking if you were ever really mine,
Or if i was simply holding on to a story i wrote alone.
It’s hard to let go of something when you shouldn’t have held it in the first place.
Yet i can’t deny; I know there are parts of me I need to let go
I am still falling through the space you left behind,
I am still learning,
I am still trying,
I am…still
And I don’t want to
I really must, MOVE ON...
