Member-only story
I Built My Head Out of Lego. Inside SQL Server 2025.
A brick is a row. My face is a join. The building instructions are an ORDER BY.
The last time my head went into SQL Server it came out lopsided, 6,000 metres tall and with a stunt rear head. If you missed it, that was the Relational Space Carving article, and I finished it by promising you robot eyes and the beginning of a cloning process.
The robot eyes are still in a drawer.
Another time I tried to render my head so that I could create a Metahuman and please do not ask me how this happened, but this came out…
Instead, I asked myself a much simpler question. Is there any clever maths behind Lego?
I was expecting the answer to be “not really, it’s plastic”. It turns out there is, and nearly all of it is something a relational database is already very good at. So, the plan became: store Lego bricks in SQL Server, build something simple, then build something hard. And the hardest thing I could think of was me.
