Stories by Nitisha Shankar 🌟 on Medium

This was such a sincere account of faith, self-reliance and the role God has played in the her life. I liked how the piece doesn’t present faith as an alternative to taking responsibility, but as something that gives the her the courage to keep going and face things independently. This felt very genuine.

Bre H

I really loved this take on the prompt. The way you began with your son and then discovered another source of strength through the cats makes the piece feel very genuine. There is so much warmth in the way you describe the sanctuary, especially how caring for the cats has also helped you care for yourself.

Kateryna Fedotova

My Pillars of Strength: A Writing Challenge

This was such an intriguing piece. The imagery of the woman, the sarcophagus, the butterflies and the changing light creates such a mysterious atmosphere. The story feels almost like a legend unfolding, and the transition from the gorge to her arrival in the village adds another layer of curiosity.

ShubhamAgrawal

I really enjoyed how you brought three completely different kinds of strength into this piece. Your parents, Krishna, and your brother each hold a very different place in your life, and you have described that beautifully. I loved the warmth and humour in the way you described your brother as the “engineer of your life”. It was too good to read.

Ashmita Patnaik

THE PILLARS OF MY STRENGTH

This was such a heartwarming piece. I loved how the son was quietly paying attention all along, even when it seemed like he was busy with his own little world. The drawing and his words were so innocent and thoughtful, and it made me smile. Such a beautiful moment between a mother and her son.

JUIYYAH

I really loved the warmth in this piece. I loved the blood, water, and stray dog comparisons because they make the piece feel very personal and different. I could genuinely feel how much this friendship means to you.

My Pillar of Strength — Be a Kite

Such a heartfelt tribute to your mother. I liked how you showed the many ways she has helped you grow, from giving you the confidence to make your own decisions to encouraging you to share your artwork with the world. The ending, where you now try to give her the same comfort she has given you all these years, makes the bond even more special.

Poornima Wijerathna

The whole “be a kite” idea is so simple, but the way you have carried it through your childhood, friendships, moving away from home, and finally learning to rely on yourself makes it really meaningful. And that little story about your friend staying on the call while you worked on your thesis was so relatable.

Dr.Jayasurian Vengilatt. PhD

My Pillar of Strength—A Writing Challenge

I liked how you brought together your sister, your parents, your wife, and your children, because each relationship represents a different stage of your life and a different kind of strength. The part about your parents no longer being physically present was very emotional, and the way you connected that love to becoming a father yourself made the piece feel very complete.

Rockstar Girl/Kaylee

My Pillar of Strength: A Writing Challenge

This was such a fun piece! The whole can-and-string conversation, the “pepper thief” investigation, and the silly back-and-forth made me smile. But beneath all that humour, there’s something genuinely sweet about the way you describe friendship and love. It feels like a story only the two of you could have written.

Davielle Gee

This felt like reading a deeply personal conversation with God. The imagery is intense and almost dreamlike, moving through stars, deserts, fire, roaring waters, fear, doubt, and finally back to surrender. The final lines about eternity and the covenant between you and the Divine leave the piece with a powerful sense of longing.

Katarina B.

My Pillar Of Strength: A Writing Challenge

This is such a powerful piece because of how quietly you have told it. The image of your mother holding you in her lap while your father drove and kept checking the rear-view mirror says so much without needing many words. And that final line, “In the end, they drove me,” brings the whole piece together beautifully.

Anjali Sharma ᥫ᭡

My Pillar of Strength ~ A Writing Challenge

This was such a warm tribute to your mother. The way you describe being able to tell her everything without worrying about judgment really shows why she means so much to you. I also liked how you acknowledged that every person in your family has their own place, while your bond with your mom is something uniquely yours.

Kalindi Singh

My Pillar Of Strength – A Writing Challenge

This was an inspiring story. Malini’s journey from being a gifted swimmer to losing her chance at the trials, and then finding the courage to try again, makes the idea of a pillar of strength feel very personal. What stood out to me was how she slowly became her own source of strength instead of waiting for circumstances to change.

Monika Mahadev

This was a very honest take. While most people wrote about someone who supports them, you turned the idea around and asked yourself what happens when that person is missing. I really liked how you brought out the loneliness, the need to be heard, and then slowly arrived at the idea of becoming your own pillar of strength.

Angel Meadows

Charles and the Face That Changed

This was such a heartfelt letter. The little details, like “fantastic,” dancing in the kitchen, cutting the yucky meats, and the Princess Bride references, make the relationship feel so real and lived-in. What touched me most was the way you describe being able to show every part of yourself without fear of judgment, while also being strong enough to carry each other through the difficult days.

Husanpreet

This was such a thoughtful take on the prompt. I really liked the idea of Charles’s face reflecting what was happening inside him, because it made the message so easy to understand without making it feel preachy. The conversation with his mother about “educating the heart” was my favourite part, and the ending with the flowers appearing when he finally smiled was such a lovely touch.

Parvathi J

This one feels different from the usual “pillar of strength” stories, and I mean that in the best way. You haven’t written about someone who came along and fixed things for you. You’ve written about finding a path that slowly changed how you handle loneliness, struggle, and even yourself.

Shaloo Wallia

I really liked how this piece doesn’t limit strength to just one person. Krishna, your parents, your son, and even the simple ritual of reading the Hanuman Chalisa each bring something different into your life. And that little shift in your relationship with your son, from being the one he looked up to for guidance to now looking up to him for advice, felt very real and relatable.

Usha Mangalssen

My Pillar of Strength- A Writing Challenge

I like how your idea of a pillar keeps expanding as the piece goes on. It begins with your father, then slowly brings in your mother, husband, son, friends, and finally your faith, showing how different people can hold different pieces of our lives. The line about your son wanting nothing more than to see his parents happy was such a sweet little detail.

Vsagar

You began with your mother, whose story alone could fill a piece, and then brought in your brother, daughters, granddaughter, Rusty, and finally the spiritual teachers who have shaped you. I found the brother’s journey and the childhood walks to school particularly touching, while the section on Rusty brought such a warm, playful change of tone. So many different kinds of love, all holding a precious place in your life.

Vinod Bhardwaj

This was such an interesting piece. Instead of giving that role to one person, you have shown how different people shaped different versions of you at different stages of life. From your grandfather’s freedom and your mother’s discipline, your naval friendships, and now your daughters, the piece feels like a journey. And I really liked that you ended by including fellow writers and readers too.

EAGLE ☕📚

This story has so much heart. The fact that you left a national conference because you missed your little son, only to return home with toys and later discover that you had won the National Award, says so much about what truly mattered to you. And the bond you shared with MVJ Ma’am, who stood by you through so many phases of your life, is incredibly special.

Sudeshna Hajra

The Person Who Makes Me Feel That I Don’t Have to Carry Everything Alone

I really liked the “99 people” idea in this piece. It says a lot about choosing to look at the love and support we have instead of letting one difficult person take up all the space in our minds. Your parents and close friends clearly hold a very special place in your life, and the gratitude you have for them comes through strongly.

Ravinimbus

This one feels very genuine. I liked that you didn’t portray her as someone who always has the answers, but as the person you can call with literally anything, from a big worry to a completely random thought. That line about happiness feeling more complete when you have someone to share it with feels so true.

Chitrangada Sharan

My Pillar of Strength- A Writing Challenge

I really liked how you showed that strength can come from different relationships at different stages of life, from parents and siblings to a husband and then your grown-up children becoming your cheerleaders. And that little thought about role reversal with your children was so relatable and sweet. You truly sound blessed to have such a strong circle around you.

@echoesinsilence

This one felt really personal and heartfelt. I liked how you showed your mother’s strength through those little everyday things, asking if you had eaten, remembering something you said days ago, or simply saying, “You’ll figure it out.” So beautiful!!

Shalini Sinha

This was such a warm tribute to your mother. The repeated “call mom” lines really captured how deeply she is woven into every part of your life, whether you are happy, confused, hurt, cooking something new, or dealing with the kids. And “she stays away but feels the nearest to approach” is such a lovely way to describe that kind of bond.

Special Mentions Of The Challenge : Shoutout to Some Beautiful Pieces which touched my heart

Biswarupa Mohapatra

My Pillar of Strength Is Myself

This one really captures what having a pillar of strength can look like in real life. The image of you sitting on the verandah, waiting for the postman while your father was quietly tracking every possibility in the background, made the whole story feel so real. He didn’t just worry about your future, he stepped in when you needed him and carried that responsibility with you right till the end.

WordsInWilderness

I really enjoyed reading this one. I like how you took the prompt in a different direction and made it about learning to rely on yourself. The part about becoming your own safe place felt very real, because sometimes we spend so much time waiting for someone else to understand or support us that we forget we can also be there for ourselves. Too good!

Aakash Deep

My Pillar of Strength — My Younger Sister

The way you have shown her being there through completely different phases of your life, from helping you make a difficult decision after COVID to standing strong when both your parents were hospitalized, makes the bond feel very real. I also liked the idea that sometimes the younger sibling ends up guiding the older one. That role reversal felt very relatable and genuine.

Megha Bagdai

My Pillar of Strength: A Writing Challenge

This was such a warm and emotional tribute to your sister. The way you have described her being part of every stage of your life, from childhood and your MBA to motherhood and the loss of your father, makes the bond between you both feel incredibly strong.

Vaishno Makam, Ph.D

This was such a heartfelt piece about a daughter slowly understanding the woman behind the mother she has always known. The comparison with Bauby’s story was so thoughtfully brought in, and the ending with “one blink for yes and two blinks for no” was such a clever way to bring everything together.

Shauqi Mizaj

I really loved reading this. The description of your father through all those moments makes it so clear why he has been your pillar of strength for so long. The heart attack incident says so much about his character. Even while he was struggling himself, he was thinking about keeping his family calm. A beautiful tribute to your father.

3rd Runner Up

Sohaib Riaz Khan

Sushmita Chakraborty | Love, silence & the unsaid

Such a beautifully honest piece about marriage, regret, growth, and finding strength in the person who stayed. He doesn’t shy away from acknowledging his own mistakes, which makes the story feel all the more real. A heartfelt tribute to a wife who stood by him through the hardest years of his life. It takes a lot of courage to accept one’s mistakes and move forward.

2nd Runner Up

🌷 Title: My Pillar Of Strength — A Writing Challenge

I liked that you didn’t describe strength as someone constantly rescuing you, but as having someone beside you who makes you feel safe enough to face life on your own. The part about your husband supporting your dreams without ever feeling threatened by your independence says so much about the kind of partnership you share. Very Interesting!

1st Runner Up

cindee D Renee

A deeply personal and touching piece about love, loss and the kind of bond that never really ends. She beautifully captures how a twin can remain a pillar of strength even after they are gone, living through memories, convos, and everything they left behind. So emotional!

Winner

NehaR@RisingSoul 🐦‍🔥

Pillar of Strength

This is such an honest and deeply personal piece. I really admired how openly you shared not just the love you found in your husband, but also your own mistakes, guilt, healing, and the journey of finding yourself again. The way his love remained beside you even when you struggled to see your own worth makes the ending incredibly powerful. This deserves appreciation!

Choosing from these entries was never easy because every single one had something special to offer. Please don’t take it to heart if your entry didn’t make it into a particular category. These categories could never measure the worth of your stories, they were simply my little way of celebrating some of the pieces that touched me in different ways.

Thank you all for opening your hearts and sharing your stories with us. Each one made this challenge more meaningful. ❤️

Thanking the best supportive editors for trusting me with this challenge: Metaphor and Muse ( Prakhar Sahu), Manmeet Singh Bhatia,🌸Preeti Pathak🌸, Parvathi J, Danish Ahmad, Bre H, ShubhamAgrawal, Harleen Kaur

A little note from me: You write so beautifully. You all are truly an inspiration for young writers like me. I get to learn so much from your writing, hear your experiences, and see the world through perspectives I may not have come across otherwise. Thank you each one of you for sharing your words and wisdom with us.

✨Keep Writing, Keep Sharing, Keep Shining ✨

📖 This story is published under The Rabbit Note. Have a story to share? Join our community and let your words be heard. Write for us.

Let’s Start a Story — And You Chose Part 2

What’s more! Let’s Start a Story,” hosted by Metaphor and Muse ( Prakhar Sahu) for The Rabbit Note publication… one story, different writers, and a new direction with every part.

My Pillar Of Strength — Winner Announcement was originally published in The Rabbit Note on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

The Most Freeing Thing Is to Stop Judging Yourself

Nitisha Shankar — Sat, 26 Sep 2026 15:37:47 GMT

The world already judges you enough. You don’t need to become your own hater.

credits : https://unsplash.com/photos/two-women-sitting-in-a-parking-lot-one-with-a-slice-of-pizza-on-her-WcZThpmO-ik

People in our society are judgmental, whether we openly acknowledge it or not. Society judges people by their clothes, appearance, academic performance, careers, relationships, choices, and even by the mistakes they make. At the same time, many of us are guilty of doing the same to others.

Judgement has become so deeply woven into everyday life that we often fail to notice how much it shapes the way we see ourselves.

Society questions almost everything. We are often made to feel as though every mistake needs to be justified and every setback needs to be followed by proof that we are still capable. Some moments, this external pressure can become a catalyst, pushing us to work harder and prove ourselves but more often, constant criticism leaves behind something less visible: the feeling that we are perpetually being evaluated.

What we rarely talk about, however, is what happens when that external judgement becomes internal. After hearing enough criticism from the world, we can begin repeating it to ourselves. We scrutinise our appearance, question our abilities, replay our mistakes, compare our progress, and turn small imperfections into evidence that something is wrong with us.

The harshest judge in our lives is not always the person standing outside. It is the voice we have carried inside for so long that we no longer recognise it as judgement.

This, acc to me, is where the real problem begins.

I have realised that my struggle has not come from external pressure. I have rarely felt the need to constantly prove myself to other people. The pressure I experience is much quieter. It comes from the expectations I set for myself. I know what I want to accomplish, how I want to perform, and the person I want to become. When I fail to meet those expectations, something changes within me before I even notice it.

I become my own biggest critic or in harsh terms, my biggest hater.

I question my abilities. I focus on what I could have done better. I replay my mistakes. I compare where I am with where I believe I should have been. Without realising it, I begin speaking to myself in the same demeaning manner I would resent from society.

We spend so much time talking about society’s judgement that we forget to examine what we do with that judgement once it reaches us. We cannot control every opinion people form about us. We cannot prevent every comment, criticism, comparison, or expectation. We can control whether we carry every word as a verdict against ourselves.

The problem, then, is not only the judgement that exists around us. It is what we allow that judgement to become inside us.

We are supposed to be our own biggest cheerleaders, yet we so often become our own harshest critics. We demand perfection from ourselves, punish ourselves for falling short, and withhold kindness precisely when we need it most.

Judgement is not limited to academics, careers, achievements, or the milestones society expects us to reach. It extends to parts of us that were never meant to determine our worth. Our insecurities, appearance, way of speaking, mannerisms, personality, and the traits we wish we could change often become subjects of constant scrutiny.

There is always room for growth. We can communicate better, build confidence, become more disciplined, and grow more comfortable with ourselves. Genuine improvement, however, requires patience, support, self-belief, and the willingness to keep going. Constantly reminding ourselves that we are not good enough does not create growth. It creates resentment towards the person we are trying to improve.

Comparison makes this even worse. We look at another person’s strengths and turn them into evidence of our own shortcomings. We admire something in someone else and use it as another reason to criticise ourselves. We inferiorise ourselves long before anyone else gets the chance to do it.

Society’s judgement becomes far more powerful once we start agreeing with it.

We hand society a weapon capable of hurting the parts of us we have already been hurting ourselves. A comment about our appearance cuts deeper when we have already criticised the way we look. A remark about our abilities stays with us longer when self-doubt already exists within us.

The world does not need to convince us that we are inadequate when we have already convinced ourselves.

Support plays a significant role in the way we learn to see ourselves. Not every household is equally expressive. Some parents find it difficult to openly reassure their children, acknowledge their efforts, appreciate their decisions, or simply say, “I believe in you.” Their silence does not always come from a lack of love. Many parents were raised in environments where emotions were rarely discussed, encouragement was expressed through responsibility rather than words, and affection was assumed rather than spoken.

A child can still feel the absence of affirmation.

A lack of reassurance can leave a person alone with thoughts that keep becoming louder. A disappointing result becomes a question about intelligence. A mistake becomes a question about ability. A rejection becomes a question about worth. Without someone offering perspective, the mind starts filling in the gaps on its own, often choosing the harshest explanation.

The same pattern can appear outside the family.

Friendships can become spaces of comparison rather than comfort. Classrooms can make marks feel like measures of intelligence. Social media can turn ordinary lives into endless comparisons. Relatives can attach worth to achievements, appearance, career choices, or milestones. Even well-intentioned advice can become exhausting when a person hears more criticism than encouragement.

All of this can create a shell around a person. They retreat into their own space, replay conversations, analyse mistakes, compare themselves with others, and spend hours arguing with a version of themselves that is already exhausted. Time that could have gone towards learning, creating, resting, or simply living gets consumed by self-judgement.

The cycle becomes particularly painful when there is no one to interrupt it.

Still, growing up without constant reassurance can teach an important lesson earlier than expected. Life does not always provide someone to defend us, explain our worth to us, or remind us of our capabilities. Learning to stand up for ourselves becomes a necessary form of independence. Self-advocacy begins with recognising our own voice as something worth listening to.

Standing up for ourselves does not mean becoming defensive about every criticism. It means learning to separate useful feedback from unnecessary judgement. It means acknowledging our mistakes without turning them into definitions of our character. It means giving ourselves the reassurance we may not always receive from other people.

A person deserves a support system, but self-support matters too.

External encouragement can strengthen us, but our entire sense of worth cannot depend on its availability. The most important voice in our lives is often the one we hear every day, inside our own minds. Learning to make that voice kinder, more honest, and more encouraging is not an act of weakness.

It is an act of self-respect.

Just how Self-deprecation is not humility; Similarly, Self-judgement is not self-improvement.

Instead of taking accountability for what went wrong and using it as constructive criticism, we start judging ourselves, insulting ourselves in our own minds, and even speaking negatively about ourselves in front of others.

There is a clear difference between accountability and self-punishment. Accountability means accepting, “I made a mistake,” understanding what went wrong, and taking action to improve in the future. Self-punishment means repeatedly telling ourselves, “I am a failure,” “I always ruin things,” or “I am simply not good enough.” The first approach focuses on the action. The second attacks the person behind it.

Constructive criticism should create movement. Self-judgement creates stagnation. We spend so much time questioning ourselves that we lose the energy required to actually change. Hours go into replaying an incident, analysing what we said, wondering how we appeared to others, and imagining everything we could have done differently. The mistake remains exactly where it was, while our confidence continues to take the damage.

credits : https://unsplash.com/photos/woman-in-blue-dress-sitting-on-rock-formation-during-daytime-4g-DwlCa-Qw

Self-judgement also puts our self-respect at stake. We slowly begin presenting our weakest version to ourselves and to the people around us. Constantly calling ourselves incapable, foolish, unsuccessful, or inadequate gives other people’s opinions more power over us because we have already started believing the same things.

My parents once told me something simple: I did not always have to speak about myself so negatively. I could speak about myself with the same kindness and encouragement I would offer to someone else. They reminded me that positive self-talk could change the way I felt about myself.

I decided to take their advice.

As a young teenager, I had my own doubts, insecurities, and internal contradictions. I questioned my progress, overanalysed my decisions, and found reasons to doubt myself even when nothing was seriously wrong. My mind had become accustomed to examining everything I did and finding something to criticise.

I remember thinking, what was the worst that could happen? My mindset could remain the same if not better. At least I would have tried something different.

I started changing the way I spoke to myself. I stopped treating every mistake as evidence of my inability. I stopped turning every imperfect decision into another reason to dislike myself. I began acknowledging my efforts alongside my shortcomings.

The change was gradual. It happened through small shifts in the way I responded to my own thoughts. A harsh thought did not always deserve a harsh response. A mistake did not require self-punishment. A disappointing outcome did not need to become a judgement on my entire personality.

Over time, something else changed too. Other people’s opinions started losing their hold over me.

I am grateful when someone appreciates me. Their appreciation feels good, and I value it. My sense of self, however, no longer depends entirely on receiving it.

Criticism has its place too. Useful advice can help us recognise our blind spots and improve. Disrespect disguised as advice deserves a different response. A backhanded remark does not automatically deserve hours of analysis. Someone else’s opinion does not become a fact about me simply because they chose to express it.

Giving every negative comment our attention gives it a permanent place in our minds. We replay the words, analyse the person’s intention, question ourselves, and allow a few seconds of someone else’s judgement to occupy hours of our day.

I no longer want to give that much space to people who have chosen to misunderstand, criticise, or disrespect me.

Ignoring unnecessary judgement does not mean becoming indifferent to growth. It means becoming selective about what deserves my attention. I can accept criticism without accepting humiliation.

The moment I stopped judging myself for every little thing, I felt something I had been missing for a long time : Freedom.

People will always have opinions. Society will always have standards, expectations, comparisons, and judgements. I cannot control any of that. I can control the amount of power I give those things inside my own mind.

I had spent so much time worrying about how other people saw me that I failed to notice how harshly I was seeing myself. Changing that perspective became one of the most freeing things I could do for myself.

Though I still work on it each day, learning to protect my peace and filter comments instead of holding every word close to my heart has given me a newfound sense of freedom.

📖 This story is published under The Rabbit Note. Have a story to share? Join our community and let your words be heard. Write for us.

Come, join the writing challenge “My Pillar Of Strength,” hosted by The Rabbit Note publication. A tribute to your loved ones, celebrating the people who hold us.

Let’s Start a Story — And You Chose Part 2

Also check out our exciting writing event, “Let’s Start a Story,” hosted on The Rabbit Note publication. One story, different writers, and a new direction with every part.

The Most Freeing Thing Is to Stop Judging Yourself was originally published in The Rabbit Note on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Do We Love People or Do We Love What They Do for Us?

Nitisha Shankar — Mon, 21 Sep 2026 02:56:25 GMT

Why 90% of Relationships Fail: We Value What People Do for Us More Than Who They Actually Are.

credits : https://unsplash.com/photos/woman-on-bike-reaching-for-mans-hand-behind-her-also-on-bike-AsahNlC0VhQ

Disclaimer: These are my personal thoughts and interpretations around a question I have found myself asking while observing relationships in today’s world. This is my perspective, not a universal conclusion, and I am sharing it as an invitation to introspect.

I was recently reading a few detailed articles and listening to a podcast that focused on psychology, particularly on why most relationships, whether with family or friends, seem to struggle or fall apart over time.

One section stuck with me. Across the different discussions, I noticed that they all seemed to point, in one way or another, towards a single question: has our perception of how we value relationships and bonds changed over time?

This idea itself made me question something. All this time, we tend to think that differences, personal trauma, or insecurities are the sole reasons behind failed relationships. But perhaps, they are only a fraction of the picture.

In most relationships, apart from situations involving abuse or deeply unhealthy dynamics, the foundation is built on respect, boundaries, and acceptance from the heart. This foundation can easily be contradicted when we start valuing people only for what they bring to the table for us.

The moment someone’s value becomes tied only to their contribution, their usefulness, or what they can provide, we are no longer simply appreciating who they are. We are also, consciously or unconsciously, measuring what they do for us.

Take marriages, for instance. Looking at the people around me, I often notice how traditional roles are assigned within a household, and how a certain sense of respect becomes attached to how well someone fulfils the responsibilities and duties expected of them.

A husband might not necessarily admire his wife simply as his soulmate, lifelong partner, or as an individual with a life and identity of her own. Instead, her value can slowly become associated with what she is capable of doing for the household.

His acceptance of her may become proportional to what she can contribute in return. It could be cooking meals, managing the home, taking care of the family, or even working part-time and contributing financially to save up or support the household.

The contribution itself is not the problem. There is nothing wrong with appreciating what a partner does for the family. The question is what happens when that contribution becomes the measure of their worth within the relationship.

I have experienced a version of this in my own friendships too. I have had friends whom I initially believed I got along with really well, only to realise much later that there was another side to the relationship that I had not noticed. What seemed like a genuine bond sometimes came with an underlying motive, an expectation, or a condition that had been there all along.

A similar pattern can be seen in families where love gradually becomes transactional. Some parents impose strict expectations on their children, dismissing their emotional needs or mental well-being in the belief that these sacrifices will eventually secure their success, financial stability and social standing. Their intentions could come from a desire to provide a better life, but when a child’s happiness is repeatedly treated as secondary to achievement, love stops feeling like love.

It can exist in the other direction. Some children remain close to their parents, show affection and maintain a sense of duty, while quietly attaching that relationship to what they expect to receive later: money, property, assets or financial security. In both cases, the relationship raises an uncomfortable question: Are we loving the person, or are we loving what they can provide for us?

Another pattern I have noticed in recent years is the romanticisation of a mother’s sacrifices. On the surface, there seems to be nothing wrong with appreciating everything a mother does for her children. The deeper problem begins when sacrifice becomes the standard by which we measure her love. We start associating motherhood with constant self-denial, as though a woman has to put her own needs aside to prove how deeply she cares.

A child comes home late from work, and the mother waits for them so they can have dinner together. The child may not even notice the effort or think to thank her because, somewhere along the way, this sacrifice has become what they consider her duty. A mother stays awake waiting for a son who has not even bothered to call and say that he will be late, and we praise her for spending the entire night worrying about him.

Gradually, we begin to romanticise a version of motherhood built around a woman who is endlessly available, patient, dependent on her children and willing to put herself last.

Why do we struggle to extend the same admiration to a mother who is strong, independent and deeply involved in her own life? A woman can manage her responsibilities, pursue her ambitions, have firm opinions and still love her children profoundly. If she eats dinner a little earlier because she needs to take her medication, she has not become less caring. If she refuses to stay awake all night waiting for an adult child who could have informed her, she has not become less loving. She has also chosen to care for herself too.

We need to ask ourselves an important question: do we love a person for the sacrifices they make for us, or for the person they are? If love depends on how much someone is willing to give up for us, then we are not appreciating their love; We are placing a price of proving on it.

It made me realise how many relationships can become conditional without us even recognising it. We often hear the idea that people respect you for your money, but I think the same principle can appear in much subtler ways. A person may value you not necessarily for who you are, but for what you can do to benefit them or how much you can support their life.

Of course, not every relationship is like this. There are friendships, families, and partnerships that are incredibly pure, where people genuinely stand by each other without constantly calculating what they are receiving in return. Those bonds exist, and they are some of the most beautiful relationships we can have.

credits : https://www.pexels.com/photo/happy-woman-in-white-t-shirt-holding-red-balloons-5439895/

However, in other cases, there is a more uncomfortable difference underlying between the idea of valuing someone parallel to the idea of valuing what they bring into our lives.

We say that we care about someone, but most relationships naturally come with certain expectations too. The problem begins when those expectations become the hidden conditions of our affection. Sometimes, consciously or unconsciously, when a person stops giving us what we expected from them, we begin to interpret it as disrespect, a waste of our time, or even as a flaw in the other person.

Instead of asking ourselves, “Why has this person changed?” or “What would they be going through?”, we could immediately start asking, “What am I getting from this relationship anymore?” or “What is the point of staying”

It reveals something uncomfortable.

Sometimes, we were not only attached to the person. We were attached to the version of them that benefited us.

At the same time, I don’t think every relationship needs equal amounts of time, energy, or effort to be meaningful. People go through different phases of life, and our capacity to give can change. Some relationships naturally require more from us than others.

What matters more is not how much we invest, but how healthy the relationship remains while we are in it. A relationship does not necessarily become meaningful because it lasts for decades, just as a shorter relationship does not automatically mean it lacked value.

I believe the people who genuinely value us for our character, our presence, or simply for who we are will not make their affection conditional on our constant compliance. They can advise us, guide us, or disagree with our choices, but they can also respect that we have a mind of our own.

We may not blindly follow their advice. We may not always have something to give them in return. We may not constantly prove our care through sacrifices, favours, or usefulness.

Still, the relationship can hold its ground through something much simpler: love, respect, understanding, and the freedom to be ourselves.

There is nothing wrong with supporting, uplifting, or standing beside the people we love. We can support our parents, friends, family, or partner and still leave room for our own aspirations, boundaries, and growth.

For me, the uncomfortable part begins when sacrifice becomes an expectation rather than a choice. Love can involve sacrifice, but it should not require us to repeatedly give up parts of ourselves simply to prove that we care.

You can love someone deeply and still choose yourself too. In simpler terms, you can be there for someone without disappearing from your own life.

I initially believed that if I didn’t prove myself to be valuable to others, people wouldn’t respect having me in their lives. I thought I had to constantly show my worth, contribute something, or be useful for people to recognise my value.

Now I realise that it was all a trap of fitting in.

I was constantly auditioning for acceptance, trying to prove that I deserved a place in someone’s life instead of simply allowing myself to exist the way I was.

The truth is, the people who genuinely know you for who you are don’t need you to keep proving your worth to them. They see you beyond your usefulness, your achievements, your favours, or what you can bring into their lives.

When someone truly values your presence, they don’t hold on to you because of what you provide. They hold on because of who you are.

I have often felt that when we appreciate someone, the appreciation should not always centre around what they do for us. We often say, “She does so much for me,” “She supports me,” or “She helps me regulate my emotions,” and of course, these are meaningful things for which one should be grateful.

There is another kind of appreciation that goes beyond what we receive from a person. We can admire someone for their strong will, their courage, their kindness, their independence, their principles and their ability to keep going through difficult circumstances.

When we constantly describe someone through what they do for us, we can unintentionally reduce them to their role in our lives. They become the person who supports us, protects us, comforts us or makes our lives easier, rather than an individual with qualities, dreams and a personality of their own.

Gratitude acknowledges what someone has given us; genuine appreciation recognises who they are beyond what they give. I think both matter, because loving someone should not mean valuing only the parts of them that benefit our lives.

So, in the very end, all that matters is the need to draw the line between love that supports and love that consumes.

Don’t chase superficiality and materialism in a world already filled with them. The advice my mother always gives me is, “Try to remain authentic, stay true to who you are, and one day, you will surely find your tribe.”

Thank you so much for reading! If this piece resonated with you, I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments. Your clap, comment, follow, and subscribe truly mean a lot and encourage me to keep writing and sharing more. 💛✨

Looking for your next read? Browse my collections featuring Poetry & Reflective Prose, Psycology, Productivity & Personal growth and Society, History & Change :

📖 This story is published under The Rabbit Note. Have a story to share? Join our community and let your words be heard. Write for us.

Take part and share story as part of the writing challenge “My Pillar Of Strength,” hosted by The Rabbit Note publication. A tribute to your loved ones, celebrating the people who hold us.

Share your story as part of “Let’s Start a Story,” hosted by The Rabbit Note publication. One story, different writers, and a new direction with every part.

Let’s Start a Story

Do We Love People or Do We Love What They Do for Us? was originally published in The Rabbit Note on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

I Forgive, But I Never Forget.

Nitisha Shankar — Wed, 16 Sep 2026 12:42:08 GMT

If I’ve forgiven you, why does my mind still go back?

credits : https://www.pexels.com/photo/woman-in-floral-scarf-in-vibrant-yellow-field-32316095/

I believe there are three kinds of people when it comes to being hurt.

1. The ones who forget and forgive.

These are the people who can genuinely let things go. They may feel hurt when something happens, but once they have processed their emotions, they don’t keep returning to the incident. With time, the details become blurry, the intensity fades, and life moves forward. It doesn’t necessarily mean they cared any less. They just forgive and they forget too.

2. The ones who neither forgive nor forget.

These are the people who hold onto both the memory and the resentment. What happened stays with them, sometimes for years. They remember the words, the situation, the way they were treated, and most importantly, how it made them feel. Forgiveness becomes difficult because letting go can feel like excusing what happened. They are often triggered, hold serious grudges and believe in revenges in some or the other way.

3. The ones who forgive but don’t forget.

Then there are people who can forgive without erasing the memory. They don’t necessarily want revenge, they don’t want to keep fighting, and they don’t want to spend their lives being angry. They accept that something happened, make peace with it, and move forward, but all with a little struggle; The struggle to forget it all that just happened. They remember, not because they are holding a grudge, but because certain experiences leave lasting impression, which aren’t always good. Those are the memories that stay even when the revenge doesn’t reside.

I belong to the third group.

I can forgive someone and genuinely mean it. I can stop being angry with them and even wish them well but that incident somehow remains as a part of how I see that person. It never becomes the same, even when things are long gone and resolved.

Forgetting is a completely different thing for me. If something has deeply affected me, it doesn’t simply disappear because I have decided to forgive. The memory can stay somewhere quietly in my mind, and often, completely out of nowhere, it finds the path back to my mind.

Astrology excites me sometimes because it is fun to discover little pieces of yourself through it. I don’t think every description has to define who we are, but I enjoy those moments when I read something and it immediately matches.

Being a Scorpio Moon, I often come across as someone who is emotional, intense, sensitive, and deeply affected by the things they experience. I am completely aware of this and know that I sometims feel things more deeply than the people around me might.

This is also one of my weaknesses. I get hurt easily. Sometimes something that seems small to someone else can stay with me for much longer. I might not show it. I might continue my day as though everything is completely normal. I might even tell myself that it doesn’t matter anymore.

My nature towards the person sometimes get defiant, but it even pinches me when they don’t care to acknowledge it.

It could be several days later, or on some ordinary weekend when I have absolutely nothing to do with that person or that situation. Suddenly, I remember the conversation. I remember the words and how I felt.

Then I start wondering why it happened, whether I misunderstood something, what I should have said, what I could have done differently, or whether the other person even remembers it anymore.

One thought turns into another, and before I realise it, I have spent an entire hour overthinking something I thought I had already moved past.

It might be a joke, that I might laugh it off in the moment, but gradually I realise it wasn’t alright, maybe that is the reason I started setting boundaries, just to protect my inner peace, which is a little too sensitive, I guess.

Forgiving isn’t obviously easy for me. When I reach that point where I have to decide whether I should forgive someone or not, I almost become emotionless.

I keep processing it in my head. Is it worth forgiving? Should I let it go? Do I really want to forgive this person after everything that happened? And somehow, before I even realise it, I have technically already forgiven that person.

credits : https://www.pexels.com/photo/girls-running-on-green-grass-field-4982483/

For me, forgiveness isn’t about deleting the whole memory or forcing myself into a delusion that I was making too much out of it. Forgiveness is simply about accepting that it happened and deciding that I won’t let it take over my precious time and energy. It is about finally moving on with life with a closure that was needed in the first place.

There are things where saying no is necessary, where you need to draw a line and stand by it. However, for the things that only require forgiveness, I have realised that it is better to be the bigger person, forgive, and proceed. And It is simply because I don’t want it to have control over my present or my future from that moment onwards.

I can forgive you and still remember what you did. I can stop being angry and still remember how I felt. I can support you, and we could even make things go back to normal, while still knowing exactly how many seconds I wasted thinking about what happened.

I’d love to know your thoughts in the comments. 💭

Your claps 👏, comments 💬, and support mean more to me than you know. If you enjoyed reading, consider following me for more such thoughts, stories, and little pieces of life. And if you’d like to stay connected and never miss a new piece, do subscribe.

Thank you for being here, reading till the end, and giving my words a little space in your day. 🌸✨

📖 This story is published under The Rabbit Note. Have a story to share? Join our community and let your words be heard. Write for us.

Do Check Out Our Writing Challenge “My Pillar Of Strength,” hosted by The Rabbit Note publication. A tribute to your loved ones, celebrating the people who hold us. We are accepting entries. Share with us who has been your pillar of strength all these years.