When it goes down, they think you’re an idiot. When it goes up, they start calculating how much you owe them.

Investing in Bitcoin is a strange experience. When the price goes down, people start buying the shit out of BTC as if it’s toilet paper during COVID.

When it goes up, suddenly everybody is a financial genius who saw it coming.

The moment your Bitcoin investment takes a beating, your family suddenly becomes the advisory board you somehow forgot to pay for. They don’t know shit about Bitcoin, but they know exactly how to feel when you succeed and precisely what to say when you lose.

Apparently, every family comes with a financial department. Mine just doesn’t have a single employee with a finance degree.

You’ll hear things like:

“I told you it’s a bubble.”

“You never listen.”

“You should invest your hard-earned medium nickels in real estate.”

“Are you going to jail for that?”

It’s remarkable how quickly a temporary drop in the market becomes a family referendum on your intelligence.

But let Bitcoin go to the moon, and suddenly the same people who called you an idiot automatically activate jealousy mode.

They won’t necessarily say anything. They just look at you differently, as though you’ve insulted their ancestors by making money without consulting them first.

They want to hate you with the same intensity they reserve for whoever invented capitalism and corporate culture, but they haven’t had enough time to prepare the resentment.

So they quietly die of stress.

And then there’s Binance.

Imagine trusting a company with your money, only to discover that billions of dollars have allegedly disappeared in one spectacular financial incident.

Six. Fucking. Billion. Dollars.

The show is on. Money is moving, investigators are following transactions, and the internet is watching the whole thing unfold like a Hollywood production broadcast by CNN, financed by Wall Street, and edited by Fox News.

Some people are tracking wallets. Others are analysing transactions. Everyone has a theory.

It’s almost artistic.

They want you to see them doing the work.

It’s like watching a bank robbery where the robbers have their own press department, the journalists are live-commentating the getaway, and the audience is refreshing the blockchain to see whether the money has reached its destination.

Even the money is performing.

And while all this is happening, my uncle is sitting there thinking:

“I knew the boy had some spare money, but six billion? Where the fuck did he scam that from?”

He doesn’t know what Bitcoin is. He couldn’t explain blockchain if his life depended on it. As far as he’s concerned, I’m either Satoshi Nakamoto himself, the mysterious fugitive who invented this whole financial circus, or at the very least some international criminal with an exceptionally good internet connection.

He knows one thing: I’m associated with Bitcoin. And apparently, that’s enough to make me the prime suspect in every financial scandal involving more money than he’s ever seen.

That’s the thing about family. Nobody really wants to know how you made your money. They want to know why you didn’t tell them sooner.

You could discover oil under your bathroom and your uncle would still ask why you never offered him a percentage.

The moment your family realises you might actually become rich from Bitcoin, they start stockpiling nuclear weapons of envy.

Suddenly, you’re the enemy.

They hate you, point fingers, and look at you as though you personally invented Consumerism and Institutional conformity in the same afternoon.

You haven’t even bought a house yet, and they’re already preparing sanctions.

The truth is, Bitcoin investors aren’t entirely innocent either.

Some of us are just greedy bastards with excellent internet connections.

And speaking of which, if anyone happens to have a few spare satoshis, my wallet is open.

Donations, tips, charitable contributions, emotional compensation — I’m not particularly fussy about the terminology.

I’m a humble Medium writer, dedicating my valuable time to educating the public about Bitcoin, while you generously dedicate your valuable time to reading about it.

Surely there ought to be some financial reciprocity here.

Caring is sharing.

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I’ve given you my thoughts. The least you can give me is a fraction of a Bitcoin. (0.000005 BTC would be decent)

I’m not asking for much. Just enough to become the sort of successful investor my uncle will eventually accuse of running a Ponzi scheme.

And if you happen to be one of those people who keeps telling me Bitcoin is worthless while secretly hoping I’ll become rich enough to lend you money, I have a proposal.

Wait for Bitcoin to reach the moon.

Actually, here’s a better idea. You don’t have to wait. I’ll lend you ten dollars right now.

Invest it in Bitcoin, and when one BTC is worth a billion dollars, you’ll have enough to pay me back my ten dollars and take me out for dinner.

Think about it. I’m practically giving you a head start in life.

Now, the real question is: if I hand you that ten dollars, are you going to HODL some Bitcoin with it, or are you going to walk straight into the nearest pizza joint and exchange your financial future for a large pepperoni?

Bitcoin Is the Only Investment That Makes Your Family Hate You Twice was originally published in Better Decisions on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.