Normally, I wouldn’t write something like this

I need to make a confession

I really do think I’m just lazy.

And before you come out in the comments and say “you’re not lazy” or “you’re doing the best you can,” band-aid like crap.

I am being lazy, and I don’t need anymore band-aids.

Band-aids are not permanent solutions. And sometimes, a lot of the time, they need to be ripped off.

And I mean torn off like Steve Carell’s character in The 40-Year-Old Virgin, getting his chest waxed, ripped off.

Sometimes you need to scream “Kelly Clarkson” and get over with it.

This is my Kelly Clarkson moment.

So, I have a chronic illness, and it’s been flaring for about six months.

Recently, I’ve had new symptoms, and the doctors are now considering that I have a secondary autoimmune disease.

Lucky me.

I have been diagnosed with Psoriatic Arthritis since I was 17.

I’ve been in the game for a while.

I know about the diets, the stretches, the heat pads, the vitamins, the biologics (don’t get me started on the ads for those…)

I know if I just dedicate two minutes every day to plugging in the heat pad, stretching, and the other advice that trails off into a sound that can only be described as the same sound as the adults in the Peanuts cartoons.

I could feel better a lot sooner than the expected 3–6 months.

But I just don’t want to freakin do it.

There, I said it.

I don’t want to do the things that will make me feel better.

Man, that feels good to say that.

I mean, being sick means you need rest. It’s your body’s way of saying you need to do less.

So why the fart? Should I have to do more to feel better?

Maybe stubbornness is getting in my way, but I’m now in my mid-20s, walking with a cane.

And before you ask, no, I have not bedazzled it yet. But if you know a guy, let me know.

Anyways, I don’t want to be in this excruciating discomfort 24/7.

I don’t want to have my partner and my parents be my caregivers because I can’t open my medicine bottles with my swollen fingers.

But I wonder if part of me is afraid of getting better.

Do I have enough evidence to trust myself to take care of myself when I’m completely healthy?

I’ve tried therapy, imagining the root of the issue as a traumatic childhood event.

Nothing.

But I’ve spent so much of my life “resting”.

I wonder, even if I get better, how much of my life will I spend “living”?

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The Truth About Being A Chronic Illness “Warrior” was originally published in Contemplate on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

By a beauty queen, historically

Looking back at ancient civilizations, the preservation of beauty, botanical gardens, and elevating society were a matriarchal or royal duty. Women cared deeply about their personal beauty & fashion sense. They also cared about sensory governance, a term I thought I created but apparently is already a thing! Let us look closer at instances of personal beauty scaled into systemic governance, as well as a selection of my memoir. (The less crestfallen ones!) Inspirations and a bit of me.

~

Empress Nur Jahan (1577–1645, Mughal Empire)

Renowned for her radiant, ethereal beauty, Nur Jahan was a revolutionary trendsetter in Eastern fashion. Disliking the heavy, restrictive textiles of her era, she designed lightweight, flowing garments using sheer, luminous muslins and introduced white zardozi (silver and gold embroidery) to the court. She wore a signature scent of pure, highly concentrated rose oil (Attar-i-Jahangiri) that she helped discover, making her physical presence an olfactory delight.

Nur Jahan masterfully scaled her personal preference for light and luminosity into permanence. She shifted the entire empire’s aesthetic from heavy red sandstone to glowing, inlaid white marble, pioneering the intricate pietra dura gemstone technique. Her refined eye directly created the aesthetic that was used in the Taj Mahal. She also designed the symmetrical, water-flowing Paradise Gardens of Kashmir, utilizing the Arabic art of cascading water to soothe those present in the royal court.

Pure rose is a deeply mesmerizing scent that was an interwoven theme of my childhood. I washed my fingertips in copper bowls filled with cool water and rose petals. I delighted in rose petal and silver leaf adornments on Arabic sweet treats. My father, as a Muslim man, did not permit perfumes with alcohol for me. Rose oud is my oldest scent memory. One whiff now continues to transport me.

Queen Artemisia II of Caria (4th Century BCE)

Artemisia possessed a commanding, statuesque physical beauty, projecting an aura of majesty. She favored classic, deeply dramatic Greek drapery made of heavy, pristine white linens and dyed Tyrian purple silks. She styled herself with sharp, patterned gold diadems that framed her face, using high-contrast textures to project sovereignty and poise strategically before her generals and foreign emissaries.

Artemisia thought legacy should be anchored in awe-inspiring infrastructure. To cement her dynasty’s place in history, she commissioned the Mausoleum at Halicarnassus. By gathering the greatest sculptors and architects in the world, she translated her love for harmony and grand scale into a monument so breathtaking it became one of the Seven Wonders of the World.

My favorite claim to white is working on a radial engine for a day and somehow escaping dirtying it. I was pristine, much to the amazement of the A&P and IAs wrenching with me on a four by seven 28-cylinder behemoth. If I told you I tried to replicate it on a second day I would have to report that I was unsuccessful, so I shall keep that to myself.

Madame de Pompadour (1721–1764, France)

Celebrated for her flawless, porcelain skin, expressive eyes, and a highly sophisticated, unhurried personal poise, she was the ultimate dictator of European fashion. She popularized the iconic pompadour hairstyle ~ sweeping hair high off the face to showcase the décolletage ~ and favored pastel pink silks accented with highly intricate lace trim and cascading silk ribbons.

Pompadour directly translated her personal wardrobe aesthetic into the built environment, contributing to the global Rococo movement. She took control of the Sèvres porcelain manufactory, infusing dining tables with delicate pink glazes (Rose Pompadour) to turn meals into fine art. She drove the planning of the Place de la Concorde and the Petit Trianon, believing that soft elegance, fine textiles, and curated botanical spaces were geopolitical assets.

When I strolled through historic lanes in France, my wardrobe a study in ombré shades of pink, I spent time studying the culinary arts. Training classically, I considered it my duty to have French training in France. Foundational ~ Additionally, I studied grapes in the Champagne region of France. You have never met a man more knowledgeable and passionate about grapes than a 14th generation grape farmer in the Champagne region of France. I carry my learnings of terroir to transform my understanding of all foods and gardens.

All systems interconnected. ♾️

Catherine de’ Medici (1519–1589, France/Italy)

Catherine wielded a striking, dark-eyed Florentine beauty and a calculated, high-fashion vocabulary. To project authority, she pioneered the use of the rigid corset and dramatic ruffs that framed her face like a marble sculpture. She introduced high-heeled shoes to the French court to elevate her stature and wore signature embroidered black velvet gowns accented with ropes of heavy pearls.

Finding the French court a sensory void, Catherine imported the Italian Renaissance to Paris. She brought her personal perfumer, René le Florentin, establishing an active olfactory landscape by scenting the palace curtains and gloves to elevate daily life. The blend, René le Florentin, was made to imbue mindfulness. They pulled from local flora fauna for raw materials: Florentine iris root ~ civet ~ benzoin resin. She also choreographed massive, multi-sensory court festivals that blended fluid dance pedagogy, spatial rhythm, and shared delight to politically unite a fractured nation.

My signature adornment is ropes and ropes of Dubai pearls on hand-knotted silk from my dad. (UAE is known for pearls. Emirati men pearl dived before Dubai was Dubai.) My favorite necklace is a visually matched set that drapes down my body to brush the tops of my thighs. I love my shape. Hourglass curves. A lifetime of belly dancing, hip drops, derrière oscillation, chest articulation, undulation. Though I might not mind a corset on occasion, I prefer breathing more. The high-heels I wish I could introduce to the world are the leather comfort line from Werner-Kern. Ballroom dance heels, with the dependable and strong hidden steel-shanked heel, flexible mid- to forefoot soles, and curved arch support marry such beauty of form within function that they mark all other heels as incomprehensibly subpar.

Hildegard von Bingen (1098–1179, Holy Roman Empire)

Hildegard possessed a serene, luminous, and deeply calming physical presence. Rejecting the austere, unkempt visual misery often associated with medieval asceticism, she designed beautiful, flowing white linen liturgical vestments for her nuns. She famously topped these garments with brilliant, hand-woven gold crowns adorned with silk ribbons, believing that presenting oneself with physical dignity and beauty was a form of cosmic care.

Hildegard scaled this philosophy of physical dignity into environmental biology. She codified early medicine and pharmacology by designing vibrant, self-sustaining monastic herb gardens. As a polymath, she composed complex musical arrangements, utilizing specific vocal frequencies and acoustic intervals as invisible nervous system regulators to heal the body and focus cognitive bandwidth.

To ground, I turn to the ground. I grow something, wherever I live. I advocate for all people to attend to soil health. We are more sensitive to the scent following rain in the air than a shark is to blood in the water; I believe this to be a biological imperative. I invest time in learning about wild plants that I can harvest and have been instrumental in founding local heirloom seed libraries, building community butterfly gardens, and supporting tiny native forests for shinrin-yoku (森林浴 forest bathing). A legacy worth leaving, destined to remain of service long after my name is forgotten.

Empress Catherine the Great (1729–1796, Russia)

Catherine had a commanding, charismatic presence with piercing blue eyes and a brilliant smile. She utilized fashion as national PR, creating the “Russian Court Dress” ~ a hybrid gown that blended French court silhouettes with traditional Russian elements like long open sleeves and rich fur trims. She wore deep, vibrant emerald greens and crimsons, dripping in crown jewels, to visually project an unshakeable empire.

Catherine believed that the deliberate expansion of green space was a direct requirement for a civilized, enlightened society. She shifted the state away from rigidly forced, hyper-artificial formal layouts toward the organic flow of expansive landscape gardens, introducing macro urban-greening to the Russian wilderness. She founded the Hermitage, a venue that continues to draw visitors, recognizing an empire’s power is anchored in its collective cultural soul and visual pride.

I have fox fur-trimmed lingerie and a pet rock because I like how it sparkled. (Sorry, that’s as close as I can get here. I will wear jewels if anyone would like to gift me some — well, I’ll only wear them if they are pretty.)

~

The concept of a beauty queen was systematically degraded by modern soulless corporate structures into a two-dimensional pageant, mirroring how our public spaces were degraded into a brutalist, sterile blandemic.

The theft of beauty in public spaces mirrors the theft of depth in historical womanhood.

In ancient Greek thought, the Charites (Three Graces) ~ Aglaia (Radiance), Euphrosyne (Joy), and Thalia (Flourishing) ~ were responsible for bringing beauty, harmony, and delight to civilization. The active elevation of civilization ~ aesthetic presentation ~ functions as a gift of grace, order, and flourishing to the public square. Let us step out of the intimate salon and into the historical public square, exploring the moments where sensory governance became law.

I see…

Pretty is as pretty does, reallocated.

Beauty in History

Beauty is as a Russian nesting doll. What is nestled within? What is the definition of beauty? What is at its core, universally? Are safety and playfulness inner layers? Does it hold love and love holds interconnectivity? Or does interconnectivity hold love? Philosophers debate the order of the layers, but I know them to all exist within beauty. Beauty by way of awe, pride, and joy.

The aesthetic triumphs of our ancestors were deliberate results of a unified, shared creative alliance that treated emotional regulation as sacred civic infrastructure. We too need cross-disciplinary agile work to better support flourishing. We deserve better than surviving, the state is to support thriving. All touchpoints are under the purview of Global Experience Architecture; life is the ultimate sensory experience to build with intentionality.

Purity | Cleanliness as Care

Public Sanitation and Street Washing Programs of Edo-period Japan (17th–19th Century)

While contemporary European cities like London and Paris were drowning in waste, cholera, and literal rot, 江戸 (“Edo,” modern Tokyo) operated a zero-waste, hyper-clean urban ecosystem. The shogunate managed strict municipal recycling organizations where night soil was collected as highly valued fertilizer for surrounding farms. Streets were swept daily, and public baths (sento) were neighborhood anchors funded by the community.

To understand Edo is to understand that cleanliness was not treated as a chore, but as a collective aesthetic devotion. The daily sweeping of streets was treated as a ritual of spatial respect: a morning choreography where shopkeepers and citizens meticulously cleared debris, dampened the dirt with water (uchimizu) to cool the summer air, and cleared visual clutter. This physical act of purism transformed the public thoroughfare into an extension of the domestic interior. The community sento (public bathhouse) was where the rigid social hierarchies of the feudal class were washed away in steaming, cedar-scented waters. A naked egalitarianism rooted in shared biological dignity.

This core value provided a foundation for today’s society. Japan has lower infectious diseases (including STDs), greater public health resilience, and higher overall life expectancy. Their ancestral devotion to cleanliness is why they lead the world in health outcomes today. Japan has exceptionally low rates of foodborne and waterborne illnesses. The obsession with food hygiene, immaculate food prep, and public sanitation means that outbreaks of severe bacterial or parasitic infections are incredibly rare compared to the rest of the world. Long before 2020, masking when under the weather and rigorous handwashing were standard social etiquette in Japan. This cultural infrastructure keeps annual influenza, norovirus, and common cold rates remarkably low. The cultural habit of bathing daily ~ rather than just showering ~ remains a core health practice. It regulates the autonomic nervous system, lowers blood pressure, and improves cardiovascular health, directly feeding into Japan’s status as a superpower of longevity.

This structured cleanliness fostered a high baseline of mutual civic trust, minimized public disease, and signaled a disciplined, care-based governance model that respected its citizens. By curating an environment free of filth, the shogunate did not merely protect public health; they cultivated a high-fidelity clean canvas where everyday citizens could appreciate the micro-aesthetic pleasures of the seasons ~ from ornate raked sand to the subtle scent of morning rain on cedar.

Architecture

Organic Proportions and Mathematical Forms of Gothic Cathedrals (12th–14th Century Europe)

Master masons built three-dimensional, biophilic hymns. Using the Golden Ratio (φ) and sacred maths, they sculpted soaring ribbed vaults that mimicked the canopy of a dense forest. The stone piers branched out like trees, and natural light was filtered through stained glass windows to create dynamic, moving color psychology.

The soaring stone vaults acted as acoustic resonators, intentionally blending individual voices into a single, unified harmonic wave that promoted mindfulness. Master masons created Gothic cathedrals to be acoustically hostile to standard, spoken prose. If a priest tried to deliver a standard speech, the words dissolved into each other past the third row because the immense volume sustained a massive 5-to-10 second reverberation time. In a stone cathedral with a 5-to-10 second reverberation time, those quick consonants are swallowed up and smashed into a chaotic blur by the echo of the previous vowels. The Church developed a vocal technique called ecclesiastical intonation or liturgical chanting. They would seek out the specific reciting tone (often called the tenor in Gregorian chant) that perfectly matched the resonant frequency of that specific cathedral. Shifting from speech to a monotone chant, the priest stopped spitting out rapid consonants and instead stretched out the vowel sounds. Vowels carry far more sonic energy. By singing a continuous, sustained tone, the priest could “ride” the reverberation wave of the building, keeping the sound steady and alive rather than fighting a series of crashing echoes. Because the sound hangs in the air for up to 10 seconds, a priest couldn’t just stop talking; the echo would drown out the next thought. At the end of a punctum (clause or sentence), the priest would intentionally drop his pitch by a step or a third (a musical cadentia (cadence) called a flexa). This sudden shift in frequency allowed the massive echo of the first sentence to ring out at one pitch while the priest began the next sentence at a clean, un-muddled frequency below it. The architecture carried his message.

Acoustic studies show that cathedrals function as a waveguide. Research conducted on medieval stone architecture ~ including a notable study from the University of Salford ~ indicates that the physical dimensions yield standing waves that peak within a low range of 30 to 120 hertz. A standing wave occurs when sound waves match a space so precisely that the wave seems to “stand” in place ~ the wave reinforces itself. In a cathedral they look like a sound wave travels from its source, hits a massive stone wall, and reflects directly back on itself: the same frequency travels in opposite directions and overlaps with one another. When the physical distance between the walls matches a multiple of the sound’s wavelength. The original wave and the reflected wave lock into perfect synchronization (so instead of moving forward, the wave appears to remain in place). This produces pockets of quiet and others of intense vibration. Many cathedrals were built so that the sound waves are in the hertz range where sound transforms from beyond being heard to being felt. Sound massaged to land within an infrasonic threshold! You feel vibrations through the chest. Modern research in archaeoacoustics and neuroaesthetics recognizes the strategic construct of such structures as large-scale acoustic instruments. Research into the healing properties of such sound baths is not common in Western schools, as no one stands to make big profits, but is believed in some schools of thought.

When a choir chants or an organ is played, the building physically vibrates one’s body. This intentional vibration acted as an ancient attunement that brings a congregation into a collective state. Additionally, it turns a fragmented crowd into a unified, resonant organism. In a brilliant move of acoustic design, some medieval builders embedded hidden acoustic ceramic vases directly into the limestone walls. These vases were sized to act as Helmholtz resonators ~ passive filters that amplify frequencies of choral chant while simultaneously suppressing chaotic, multi-directional crowd noise. The structure physically encourages a congregation to synchronize their breathing, using sound to destroy ego and support group cohesion.

Today we would call it neuroaesthetics; then the term was not invented, but clearly the idea existed. Architecture was deliberately planned to induce awe, down-regulate stress responses, and open up the mind to learning and connection.

Movement | Choreography of Kinesthetics

Public Esplanades & Somatic Choreography of Olmsted’s Biltmore Estate Pathways (1890s, North Carolina)

The Biltmore Estate is an 8,000-acre property nestled in the Blue Ridge Mountains of Asheville, North Carolina. Built in 1895, the heart of the estate is a massive, 250-room French Renaissance-style château designed by renowned architect Richard Morris Hunt. Today it is a historic house museum and resort destination.

Frederick Law Olmsted designed the lawn. His brilliance was in using human crowd hydrology to craft one’s arrival as an experience. With the Biltmore Approach Road, he created a three-mile kinetic journey. The road is curved, lacking a any straight line, bounded by dense, varying foliage. It forced carriages and pedestrians to move at a rhythmic, unhurried pace, blocking the destination from view until a final breaktaking emergence.

This is a masterclass in path infrastructure. Instead of rushing bodies through frantic mazes of utility, Olmsted used kinetic flow and spatial rhythm to transition from a hyper-vigilant state into a deeply grounded, dignified state of presence.

Sound | Acoustic Design

Sensory Masking and Fountains of the Alhambra and Generalife Gardens (14th Century, Granada)

Pliiip Plop… Plunk! Pliiip Plop… Plunk! Pliiip Pliiip Plop… Plunk! Pliiip

babble || babble || babble || babble || babble || babble || babble || babble ||

Awish …………………………………….shhhhhhh …………………………….swish

SSSssssssssssSSSssssssssssSSSssssssssssSSSSSSssssssssssSSSssssssssssSSSss

Nasrid architects treated sound as a critical civic and neurological border. They built complex, gravity-fed water networks that channeled Sierra Nevada snowmelt into public squares, courtyards, and narrow channels. The water was balanced at different heights to create varying auditory drops ~ from the soft, rhythmic patter of shallow basins to the deep, masking rush of central fountains.

This was olfactory and acoustic soundscaping before the words existed. The architects used natural biophony (moving water and rustling leaves) as a co-regulator, masking outside noise to cradle our sense of self and cultivate deep tranquility.

Lighting | Circadian Governance

Traditional Japanese Shoji Screen Architecture and Shade Engineering (Pre-Industrial Japan)

As beautifully immortalized by Jun’ichirō Tanizaki, historic Japanese domestic and civic spaces rejected uniform glare. They utilized wide overhanging roofs and translucent paper shoji screens to diffuse harsh daylight into soft, ambient shadows. In the evenings, light was limited to low-altitude candlelight and oil lamps reflecting off gold-leaf screens, casting a warm, indirect amber glow.

This perfectly respected deep-seated desires by eliminating artificial glare. It allowed citizens to naturally settle into a restorative, ventral vagal state as night fell, preserving the circadian rhythm of the community.

Nature | Natural Access

Dehesa Ecosystem of Spain and the Moorish Huertas (Medieval to Present)

The Dehesa is a centuries-old agrosilvopastoral in Spain that interweaves wild oak forests, native ground cover, and localized livestock. Similarly, historic Islamic huertas integrated edible urban forestry directly into public landscapes, lining shared pedestrian thoroughfares with pomegranates, figs, and aromatic herbs rather than ornamental turf grass monocultures.

This directly supports a ban on water-thirsty turf grasses as a default. By structuralizing calculated environmental variation ~ edible urban forestry, and indigenous flora ~ these spaces provided a biological buffer for public health and community problem-solving.

Food | Gastronomy & Localized Foodways

Appellation d’Origine Contrôlée (AOC) Integrity Framework (Early 20th Century, France)

To protect regional food names from the industrial blandemic of corporate food processing, France codified the Appellation d’Origine Contrôlée (AOC) system. It legally mandates that products like cheese, wine, and poultry must be produced using ultra-local, ancestral methods specific to a geographic region (terroir). It restricted chemical short-cuts and prioritized the health, nutrition, and welfare of the lifespan of agriculture.

This is a regulatory heartware that supports local farmers, cottage industry, and artisan shops. It legally structuralizes food access as an unalienable right, penalizing corporate monopolies that seek to flatten nutrition into ultraprocessed or the lazy profiteer that builds processing plants without high care for neither employees nor the product. It also ties into the importance of language and naming, and does not allow, for example, “Champagne,” a label allowed to be added to a product produced outside the Champagne region of France.

Nourishment is not created equally. The care and attention going into each stage of growing and processing matters. Reputation matters in such a system, and profits reach those who actually do the work.

Language | Linguistic Topography

Inscriptional Signage and Epigraphic Policy of the Venetian Republic (15th–18th Century)

Venice banned generic commercial utility from its walls. Instead, the Republic utilized strict public epigraphy ~ carving elevated prose, historical naming narratives, and moral reminders directly into the marble public benches, bridges, and wells (vera da pozzo). The spatial arrangement of public spaces (campi) forced neighbors into physical propinquity, compelling spontaneous conversation.

This historical policy halted the corporate monetization of the public square. It anchored the semantic environment in deep memory, elevating the vocabulary of everyday citizens and lowering inflammation through linguistic beauty.

It contrasts directly with modern American major sporting venues, that are built with taxpayer dollars, who then charge local residents to attend games, accept corporate sponsorship and use that as an excuse to plaster insurance companies and other logos/names on merchandise, uniforms, and stadiums. Adding insult to injury, profits are not funneled back to local municipalities. Public funding and private profits is a gross miscarriage of ethics. Combined with public infrastructure investments (roads, plumbing, public transit) from the city… again burdens residents without benefit. The height of architectural and civic ignorance is the use of undeserving names and logos plastered about. Jarring in its intellectual and moral bankruptcy.

Time | Temporal Governance & Civic Legacy

Cathedral Thinking Masterplans of the Fabriceria duomo (e.g., Duomo di Milano, 14th–19th Century)

When the city of Milan broke ground on its Duomo in 1386, the governance framework explicitly rejected cheap, short-term quarterly budgeting. They created an ongoing municipal collective dedicated exclusively to procuring rare Candoglia marble and stewarding construction across five centuries. The project outlived epidemics, regimes, and economies.

This favored grand, enduring, multi-century momentum. This was a rejection of short-term panic. Shortsightedness. Consider the lesson to forgo modern obsession with calendar apps and hourly meetings in lieu of purpose-driven living. Gratitude filled days. Cathedral thinking was a multi-generational mindset. When breaking ground on towering marvels like Notre-Dame de Paris (which took 182 years to finish) or the Duomo di Milano, the initial designers and foundational-layers fully knew that they ~ and likely their children ~ would never live to see the project completed. What an honor to live a life being sure of serving a purpose greater than oneself. Aspirational achievements.

“To plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow.” ~Audrey Hepburn

Temporal governance is the ultimate iteration of legacy. By building for permanence and future lineages rather than immediate utility, they cured the community of subconscious uprootedness and temporal amnesia, showing that Time is Love.

~

Historical evidence that shows us that beauty is a civic duty. Love. Of enough value that the state should have a department devoted to supporting flourishing via enchantment. A fundamental right. I have had the privilege to see and work with some of the most profound milieus and believe access to beauty needs to be expanded. Intentionally.

Beauty does matter.

These have been some beauty matters.

Beauty matters.

~

Read more and collaborate in Part I of Beauty Matters.

References

Calvelli, L. (2020). Epigraphic landscapes of the Venetian Republic: Public inscriptions as tools of ideological governance. Journal of Early Modern Urban Studies, 14(2), 112–129.

Hanley, S. B. (1997). Everyday things in premodern Japan: The hidden legacy of material culture. University of California Press.

Morris, R. C. (2012). Written in stone: The vernacular epigraphy and historical naming narratives of Venice. The Venetian Quarterly, 45(3), 204–218.

Sato, M. (2005). Japan’s sustainable society: Resource circularity and public sanitation in the Edo period (1603–1867). Post-Carbon Institute.

Tanizaki, J. (2001). In praise of shadows (T. J. Harper & E. G. Seidensticker, Trans.). Vintage Classics. (Original work published 1933).

Taylor, M., & Cooper, J. (2014). Archaeoacoustics in medieval masonry: Resonance parameters, standing waves, and the deliberate implementation of acoustic pottery in Gothic cathedrals. Journal of Soundscape Engineering, 8(4), 315–332.

Support writers. All our non-profit’s offerings here.

Beauty Matters, A history was originally published in Contemplate on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

How thanking outside the box changed everything

Today I’m grateful for:

1. Practices like this one that give me a place to sit safely in discomfort.
2. Being reminded of the power of my thoughts — meditations that provide peaceful affirmations when my mind is whirlwindy and obsessed.
3. Fear and anger that open me up, push me towards evaluation, and ultimately evolution.
4. Quick turnarounds on medical tests.
5. Rainy days that smell like washed wonder.
6. The natural cycles that nurture and support my growth.
7. New things to learn and try.

Not too many years ago…

It was common for me to wake up restless or overwhelmed.

I worried a lot. I worried about things like custody court, the safety of my child, making enough money to support us, relationship issues, addiction, and an eating disorder.

I remember those days when I would wake up with anxiety lodged in my throat. They were my darkest days. I remember feeling so hopeless, panicked, mentally clouded. Disconnected from my physical body, from the pulse of my creativity, and from the wonder and awe available all around.

One day I’d had enough. I tried something. Obviously, if you know me, it was a list. A gratitude list. But this wasn’t your typical gratitude list…

This wasn’t an everything-is-rosy list.

This wasn’t an “I’m in denial about the shit that bugs me” list.

In Melody Beattie’s book Make Miracles in 40 Days—Turning What You Have into What You Want, I found the most radical, rebellious, resilience-repairing gratitude list of my life!

It encourages an awareness of the blessings and support filling your days. AND! It also encouraged a habit of honest self-reflection. It encouraged a willingness to open your heart and mind as wide as possible and take a closer look at the less favorable aspects of living while still maintaining a peaceful appreciation for daily life.

6/6/2016 Today I’m thankful for:

1. Grounding practices.
2. Water
3. The kindness of strangers
4. Friends that are family
5. Dreams and their unsubtle maps of the heart.
6. Protection.
7. Lousy days that change everything.
8. Shared writing
9. Knowing that I so badly want to say and need to say what’s on my heart (especially in regards to all this stuff with Z) and be heard. And also knowing how badly I’m afraid of there not being an opportunity to be heard…
10. Honesty. Even when it’s not that organized or articulate.

8/27/2016 Today I’m thankful for

1. The way the kids make me feel like a scientist about life again.
2. Rain/wind storms.
3. Wounds, temperaments, tolerance.
4. Reminders.
5. The sky hung so heavy with stars that they sit sparkling on your shoulders.
6. Every color ever blanketing the horizon.
7. Cabin logbooks.
8. Knowing when to make my time my own.
9. Mile marker math lessons with the kids.
10. Learning.

Impartial gratitude lists became my antidote when I’d wake with anxiety, or when I had to sit waiting or writhing right in the middle of all my fear and discomfort. Or when unexpected rough patches made focus and productivity really freaking hard.

Each day as I inventoried my gratitude, discomfort, and growth, I found more and more evidence of the abundance, joy, and peace I longed for in my life.

Slowly but surely, one day at a time, this “impartial” gratitude practice changed my mental and energetic environment. Soon I realized…I was stronger. I was calmer; I was powerful.

I could control what I chose to focus on.

What we focus on grows. If we wish to create a life in which we feel immense amounts of gratitude, then cultivating gratitude is key — even when it doesn’t make sense to do so…

Reasons to try the Impartial Gratitude list for yourself:

• Helps you honor challenges pointing you towards your personal power.
• Helps you recognize the pains prompting you to redirect your efforts.
• Helps you comb through the knots of a day and uncover the smooth, sweet, supportive circumstances nourishing you and bringing you peace and happiness.
• Provides you with a practice of present-mindedness to lean on when your mind may otherwise be focused on thoughts which generate stress.

(Stress is bad for your health, so don’t do it)

PS. Care to get to know each other better? If you are a fellow personal growth journaler, check out my newest (free) interactive experience — The Impartial Gratitude List Phenomenon. A one-to-one conversation (between you and me) about the most popular and profound journaling practice on Kenzie’s Desk!

Originally published at http://kenziesdesk.com on October 28, 2026.

Support writers. All our non-profit’s offerings here.

On Rebellious Gratitude was originally published in Contemplate on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

On the importance of small, daily actions

Please do not show up perfect.

Please don't show up perfect, because you’re usually pretty disheveled around those you love.

They’re fine with it. They love those pretty disheveled parts. The half-done hair, the housedress with the lost button, the bit of nut in between your lower teeth that looks like your stress has been fully relieved by sheer crunching of almonds.

“Please don’t be noisy like a hamster, mama,” my firstborn bade her goodbye by this table where I’m writing, rubbing the fleece edging on her lovey blanket.

“Good night, mama, don’t sleep too late,” the secondborn followed suit to embrace me; her baby-sweat hair lingered under my breath through the night.

Shortly, they went into their room. It was an ordinary weeknight after batch-cooking for the next school day, having tutored each, peppered with sporadic moments of playing together.

“How was your day?” My husband sat down across from me. He had just transferred our hamster Bumpkin, father of four, into his rolling ball. He was roaming the confines of our kitchen floor, banging his bubble against the same pantry doors, again and again.

“Not much,” I offered. I write because my mind is pretty disheveled. Talking usually doesn’t get me far.

“Well, I’m here if you need me.”

He always says so, does so, every night.

Which is why, I’m telling you, do not show up perfect.

Just show up. ◆

Stacia Priscilla (Blank Stace) is an Indonesian-born Chinese wife and mother of two. She lives in Jakarta with her husband and daughters. Connect with her on personal growth, faith, and motherhood on Medium, Instagram, and Threads.

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Please, Do Not Show Up Perfect was originally published in Contemplate on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

How the seeker walks between two worlds

When You Find Yourself in Rome

You have begun to remember something the world around you has forgotten.

Perhaps you cannot explain it to anyone. Perhaps you have tried, only to discover that people interpret your words through the very assumptions you are trying to question. You see the world pursuing success, recognition, and pleasure, yet something within you knows that none of these can answer the question that brought you to the spiritual path.

And still, you must live here.

You must earn your living, fulfill your responsibilities, deal with people, and participate in the ordinary affairs of existence. You cannot simply declare yourself a seeker and expect the world to suspend its demands.

You are in Rome.

The old expression advises you to do as the Romans do. But what happens when you have discovered that the Romans have forgotten why they are here? You can participate in their civilization without accepting its deepest assumptions.

You can work without making your profession your identity, fulfill your responsibilities without confusing them with your ultimate purpose, and live among people without allowing their ambitions to become your own.

The challenge is not to escape the world. It is to remember why you are here while participating in the world that surrounds you.

The World Scatters. Yoga Gathers.

Swami Vivekananda spoke of two opposing tendencies — the tendency to scatter and the tendency to gather. One disperses our energies; the other draws them toward a center.

In his commentary on the Yoga Sutras, he describes the mind-stuff as manifesting in five forms: scattering, darkening, gathering, one-pointed, and concentrated. Within these, two movements stand in opposition.

The scattering tendency manifests as pleasure or pain. The darkening form is dullness, which tends toward injury. Vivekananda notes that the first two forms are natural to the demons, while the gathering form — when the mind struggles to center itself — is natural to the Devas, the angels.

Read that again slowly. The difference between the demonic and the divine is not moral. It is directional. One scatters. The other gathers.

This is the difference between identification and life according to Yoga. Identification with external objects scatters you among the many things you become attached to. Yoga gathers you toward the one center from which you can act without becoming what you are acting as.

Look at your ordinary day. How much of your attention is claimed by demands that arrive from every direction? Someone wants something from you. Something needs repairing. A bill must be paid. A new ambition appears. An old resentment returns.

The mind moves from one concern to another, pulled outward by whatever promises satisfaction, security, or relief.

This is the scattering tendency at work.

Civilization has become remarkably efficient at multiplying these demands. It gives you new things to want, new standards by which to measure yourself, and new reasons to believe that you are not yet enough.

The six enemies — desire, anger, greed, delusion, pride, and envy — find an abundance of opportunities in this environment. You do not need to leave Rome to encounter them. Rome provides the stage.

The gathering tendency moves in the opposite direction.

Through Tapas, Svadhyaya, and Ishwara Pranidhana, you begin to bring your scattered energies back toward the purpose of your life. You stop allowing every demand to determine your direction. You learn to distinguish between what requires your participation and what deserves your allegiance.

This is not indifference. You still act. You still fulfill your duties. But your actions begin to serve a different center.

You are not trying to escape participation in the world. You participate without surrendering the direction of your life to it.

Two Worlds, One Life

At first, this can feel like living two lives.

There is the visible life, with its obligations, relationships, work, and practical concerns. Then there is the inward life of seeking, practice, and remembrance. The people around you may understand the first but have little interest in the second. They may judge your choices according to standards that no longer determine your own.

You can begin to feel like a stranger in your own surroundings.

But do not rush to resolve this tension by imagining that the spiritual life must be somewhere else. The question is not whether you belong to the world or to the path. The question is whether you can live in the world without forgetting the path.

This is where the teaching of Krishna becomes practical.

In the Bhagavad Gita, Krishna does not tell Arjuna to abandon the battlefield because the world is troubled. He teaches him how to act without being governed by attachment to the fruits of action.

In Chapter 2, Krishna instructs Arjuna that his responsibility is to action, not to its fruits. The teaching does not free you from responsibility. It frees your responsibility from becoming a servant of personal gain.

You can work diligently without making success the measure of your worth. You can accept an outcome without allowing it to decide who you are. You can fulfill a duty without confusing the role you perform with the purpose of your existence.

Krishna also describes the person whose desires have been relinquished and who is content in the Self. This is not a prescription for abandoning life. It points toward a transformation in the relationship between your inner condition and the circumstances in which you act.

Rome remains Rome. Your responsibilities remain. But they no longer possess the same authority over your direction.

Remembrance Is Not Another Ambition

There is, however, a danger here.

You may turn the spiritual path into another identity. You may become proud of being different, resent those who do not understand you, or use your knowledge of spiritual teachings to feel superior to the people around you.

The six enemies are resourceful. When one avenue closes, they look for another. This is why intellectual understanding alone is insufficient.

You can read about the Self, discuss the scriptures, and learn the language of Yoga while remaining governed by the same forces that governed you before. Knowing the words is not the same as recovering what has been forgotten.

Remembrance, in the deeper sense, is not something you manufacture through repetition.

It belongs to the awakening of a connection that ordinary life has obscured. And that awakening is received through Grace, through the living Guru Presence that guides the seeker beyond the limitations of the mind.

Your preparation matters. Your sincerity matters. Your determination matters. The Guru does not merely give you another philosophy with which to interpret Rome. The Guru awakens you to a reality that changes how you live there, by granting you the understanding and discernment needed to sail the ocean of death.

Then the real work begins.

You must bring what has been awakened into the ordinary movements of your life.

You must recognize the moments when greed begins to dictate your decisions, when pride disguises itself as principle, or when fear persuades you to betray what you know. You will act from remembrance rather than repeatedly surrendering to the habits that scatter your attention.

This is Dharma-Yuddha — the battle for sovereignty over your own inner kingdom.

Rome Becomes the Field of Practice

Perhaps you have been waiting for circumstances to become more favorable before you can devote yourself fully to the path. Perhaps you imagine that, one day, when the demands are fewer and the world is less distracting, you will finally have the opportunity to live as you know you should.

But what if the very circumstances you regard as obstacles are where your understanding must become real?

The workplace tests your relationship with ambition. Relationships expose attachment and expectation. Disagreement reveals anger and pride. Uncertainty tests your dependence on security. The ordinary world continually presents you with opportunities to discover what governs your choices.

You do not have to approve of everything Rome represents. Nor must you imitate its values to survive within it.

You must learn to recognize the difference between participating in a system and allowing that system to determine your purpose.

This is the difference between being carried wherever the world takes you and walking through the world with your direction intact.

The two worlds need not remain two separate lives. As remembrance deepens, your inward purpose begins to inform your outward actions. Work becomes part of your Dharma. Relationships become part of your practice. Difficulties become occasions for the inner battle.

Even the demands of ordinary life can serve the gathering when you meet them without forgetting what matters most. You are still in Rome. You have not escaped the game. You have begun to remember why you entered it.

And perhaps that is the point. You were not sent here merely to become what the world calls you. You came to fulfill your Dharma, to recover what has been forgotten, and to participate consciously in the Lila under the guidance of the Guru Presence.

So live in Rome. Do your work. Fulfill your responsibilities. Meet the world as it is.

But do not let Rome tell you who you are.

Download my free ebook Hidden Wisdom at omsangam.com, an introduction to the principles of Remembrance, the Hidden Path, and the journey from forgetfulness to awakening.

Om Sathya Yukta Sharanam
Om Tat Sat

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Living in the World Without Becoming What the World Calls You was originally published in Contemplate on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.