Parents spend their lives working hard for their children, sacrificing their comforts, securing their future, educating them, and giving them the best life possible.

Naturally, when parents think about inheritance, their children come first. There is nothing wrong with that.

But parents must also remember that being sensible is their responsibility too. Love, trust, and concern for our children should never make us careless about our own future.

My mother made sure that our house would pass to us only after her death. We were completely comfortable with her decision, and I believe she was being sensible and prudent.

I have seen situations where parents were left helpless because they failed to plan wisely, and I have also seen parents who acted with prudence and protected their own interests while doing what was right for their children.

Over-Trusting and the Risk of Neglect

There was this only son who was very caring and dutiful. He knew how hard his parents had struggled to raise him. They gave him the best they could and trusted him completely.

When they decided to put their affairs in order, they called in a lawyer and made a will leaving their assets to their son. They did so not because they expected anything from him, but because they believed he would always be the loving and responsible son they had raised. They did not listen to those who advised them to be more cautious.

After he got married, however, things changed. Under pressure from his wife, the son gradually became distant from his parents. Today, those parents are in an assisted living facility, seldom visited by their son, while he lives with his wife and two sons.

They had planned their future believing their son would always be there for them. Instead, the very son they trusted with their lives became the one who left them to face their final years alone.

Situations like this have happened before. An elderly mother cancelled a will she had made in her son’s favor after their relationship deteriorated, and the court later directed her son and daughter-in-law to vacate her property.

Had these parents been more cautious, they too could have reconsidered their will when circumstances changed. A will can be revoked and replaced with a new one.

Love and trust are important, but parents should also protect their own security in old age. Sometimes, by the time we realize our mistake, it may be too late.

The example of the sensible widow

I know of a sensible widow who single-handedly raised her two children. Everything was good with her children.

However, she never transferred her property to them during her lifetime. She was particular that the property should go in their names only after her death.

At the same time, she ensured that both children received their due and met their needs whenever required.

But when it came to the property, they had to wait until her last breath.

She did not want to become a burden on anyone in the worst-case scenario.

That, I believe, was a sensible decision.

Parents who don’t prepare themselves for this day

A relative of mine was unwilling to write his will, even when his daughter repeatedly urged him. He believed it was unnecessary, that his children would remain united, and that he could trust them.

His daughter, a spinster, always feared that she might lose her share after her parents’ death.

Then, one day, her father suffered a heart attack, was hospitalized, and passed away the next day.

Since then, the family has been fighting and blaming each other. There is confusion about the true value of what their father owned, including his various investments, and what exactly belongs to whom.

Two years later, the partition is still not complete, and there is no peace in the family.

Perhaps he believed his children would remain united. But trusting your children and preparing for the future do not have to be opposite things.

Hurried Decisions and Unintended Consequences

I know of a father who was suddenly hospitalized, and doctors thought he might not survive.

Amid the chaos, he told his children that his only house would go to the son who had struggled in studies and was unemployed. The other children reluctantly agreed, though they felt they were equal heirs.

Today, that son has taken the remaining money from his parents and has become dependent on others for money.

It makes me wonder whether inheritance decisions should be made in such hurried and emotional circumstances.

Parents may want to help one child more than another, but they should consider the consequences.

If other children willingly give up their share, that is different. But giving everything to one child simply because he has not achieved much in life can become an undue favor.

Good intentions do not always lead to good consequences.

Standing Firm Against Abuse and Coercion

My neighbors are two aged parents and their divorced son.

The son beats and hits them to force them to write their property in his name. Yet they tolerate it, thinking, “He is our son.”

This has been going on for years, and they have never reported him to the police. He knows their weak spot and takes advantage of it.

As neighbors, we feel helpless watching this happen. Ultimately, they have to be bold enough to take action.

Every country has laws to protect senior citizens. Yet people often tolerate abuse from their own children that they would never accept from a stranger.

Being a parent does not mean silently accepting everything your child does to you.

One Sibling Should Not Decide What Is Fair for Everyone

There was a family with six children. After the father passed away suddenly, the eldest son took responsibility for dividing the property.

He felt his second brother was settled and needed less, while the youngest brother was struggling and needed more. The partition was made accordingly.

The second brother kept his feelings to himself until years later, when he expressed how deeply hurt he was.

Today, the two brothers no longer speak, and neither do their children.

He felt it was unfair to deny him land inherited from his grandparents simply because he was better off financially.

“What one person sees as kindness, another may see as injustice, and the damage can last for generations.”

This shows why parents should be careful when planning inheritance. What one person sees as kindness, another may see as injustice, and the damage can last for generations.

The Example of Prudence When She Had No Family

I know of a wealthy widow who was a teacher and spent her life helping others. She had no children, and a poor woman took care of her.

The widow had always helped the poor woman’s family without expecting anything in return. Later, after the widow became paralyzed below her waist, the woman and her family cared for her.

The widow wisely made a will clearly stating who should receive her possessions after her death, leaving no room for confusion.

Making your wishes clear and documented is also prudence.

Key Lessons in Loving Sensibly

These are only a few situations I have seen and heard about, but they taught me some important lessons:

1. Love should not make parents careless. Being sensible is also a parental responsibility.
2. A will should be prepared before a crisis. Important decisions should not be made during illness, fear, or emotional situations.
3. Parents should make their intentions clear. One child should not decide what is fair for the others, as such decisions can affect relationships for generations.
4. Helping a less successful child is not wrong. But parents should consider whether giving everything to one child is fair to the others who have also worked hard.
5. Children should not be allowed to take advantage of parental love. Parents should look beyond their children’s present behavior and think about their own security and future.

I am not saying that parents should not trust their children or that children should not inherit their parents’ property. They should. But love should be accompanied by wisdom, and trust should be accompanied by prudence.

I have a daughter too, and while I love and trust her completely, I would still make sure what I leave her is properly documented and passes to her only after my death.

*This is a personal reflection based on situations I have seen and heard about. Laws relating to wills, inheritance, property, and senior-citizen protection vary by jurisdiction.

Inheritance and Wisdom: Why Parents Must Plan Their Wills Sensibly was originally published in Crow’s Feet: Life As We Age on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.