I Sued My Friend for Saying “We Should Grab Coffee Soon” Three Years Ago

On October 8, 2023, outside a mutual friend’s baby shower, Bettina Kowal squeezed my arm and said, “We should grab coffee soon.” Then she said, “Seriously.” Then she walked to her car and out of my life for three years.

Last Tuesday, I saw her again. In Department 4 of the Hollins County Small Claims Court, where I was suing her for breach of oral contract, emotional damages, and one medium oat latte, adjusted for inflation.

People told me I was being dramatic. People also say “we should grab coffee soon,” so I’ve stopped taking advice from people. My mother asked if I’d considered making new friends. I asked if she’d considered making new children.

My filing was simple. An offer was made. I accepted it on the spot, in front of a diaper cake. The offer included a deadline, “soon,” and a confirmation, “Seriously.” Under any reasonable reading, the contract came due in November 2023. I gave her until December out of kindness.

Judge Abernathy asked whether I had tried to resolve this outside of court. I said I had sent Bettina four messages. The judge asked what they said. Three said “Hey stranger!” The fourth, sent in a moment of weakness, said “lol.”