Invisible Blog by an Invisible Person
A story of wandering, remembering, and letting go.
I realized fairly quickly that the transition had happened. Thoughts materialized instantly. From the hospital room I suddenly found myself in my apartment. Then I was standing by the fridge. I looked inside. I wasn’t hungry, but I wanted… something. Maybe oysters? And just like that, I was already in Cyprus, in a restaurant on the waterfront. I wandered between the tables. People couldn’t see me, but I could see everyone — an incredible feeling. They were eating and talking. Life went on. Not mine, though. At least not in the same format. I heard someone calling… my mother. No — I wouldn’t go there. Maybe later, when I’m ready. I sat down on a bench and looked at the sea. Beautiful late summer evening in Limassol. Was it the right decision to leave this place seven years ago? I wonder where she is now?
That was a lucky stop — she was lying in the bathtub. A shiver ran through me, sliding down my body and settling low in my stomach. I wished I could touch her, but I can’t. Still beautiful, still gloomy, still lost in her thoughts. Maybe she can feel that I’m here; I’d like to believe that. We were so close. I stepped out of the bathroom and wandered through her apartment. Only her things were in the closet. Roses in a vase. She never got married. Some women simply aren’t made for that.
Where else should I go? More voices were calling now. Friends, colleagues — apparently they had found out too. I wondered: if I ran far away — say, all the way to the North Pole — would I still hear them?
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Yes. I can still hear them. Even louder here. Oh wow its Niki!
“Idiot! Fool! How could you not think of anyone?!” — Niki was scolding herself. Crying.
We hadn’t seen each other in about 10 years. A friend from college. I was genuinely surprised when I heard her calling. That’s why I came. Don’t cry, Niki, I’m much better off here. I only wonder where to go next…
And now I’m in Peru! Some dreams only come true after death. Better late than never. Next on the list are New Zealand, Korea, Sweden — and maybe even the Kola Peninsula.
I’m tired of wandering. Almost four months have passed. What is going on? I am ready. When will the next transition happen? I’ve been everywhere, even at my own grave and I’ve visited almost everyone, except for my mother… coward.
So, I’m just sitting in my apartment, waiting for the second transition, next step or whatever you call it.
- Hello? Anyone? Take me out of here!
