We all hear about "Not comparing yourself to others" and that "comparing yourself is the thief of joy". To be honest, I agree and it's strange that I am contradicting myself because I compare myself A LOT.
The more I looked into it, the more I realized that we have a natural tendency to compare ourselves. It's a human thing to do.
The issue is that we tend to be very excessive over comparing ourselves to others to the point where it takes a toll on us. For example, we are demotivated to see someone's success because we believe we can't reach the goal they are in.
We all have jealousy. Big or small. Even where I am at right now, I am still jealous that many people I know that got into big tech companies like Microsoft.
To get more context, I want to share a story with you.
Story Time
Back in the day, I remember it was the year of the ACT. For those who don't know: It's a Standardized test that is needed for the college admissions to determine if you are admitted to their program.
I remember I got a national average of 21 as my composite score and I was proud of the score I got since it's the national average during that time.
However, I remember the day where my friends talked about the ACT. The most common thing I heard was:
"Oh I got a 30"
"I got a 32"
"Man I got a 35, it was sooo easy"
Hearing that makes me feel not only bummed out, but felt left out. I was feeling that I wasn't smart enough to be in the group.
What's worse is that they got accepted into colleges and programs that are well known. Then they start boasting about their accomplishments. I felt like I am the odd-one-out because of my scores and their accomplishments I could not match.
Why am I Talking about this?
Looking back and knowing where they are at now, I am proud of who I become today. It's not that they have fallen downhill (they are still successful), but the route they have taken that I definitely could not follow.
For example, on GitHub, many people fill up their contribution graphs to the max. However, if you were to tell them on what they did specifically, 99% of the time it sounds disappointing. It could be either they are working everyday on their job (makes sense) or they use a bot to trick the recruiter to think that they are productive.
For me, I would rather learn the skills more than "presentation". If I build up the skills, presentation will show that automatically. It's a Win-Win in my book.
Knowing myself and what @codingwithjiro called me out on is that: I do things the hard way.
If I want to get something, I work hard on it. I learned overtime that I can achieve anything when you put your mind to it. And that I did. Not only that, I am proud of my progress. Not only that, I am proud of the results I have and am grateful for it.
Something worth mentioning, out of the blue btw, when I looked back at Season One of "The Flash".
If you go back in time, would you tell yourself to be better in some way?
We all have dreams of this and yes, I would have wish my progress and result would be better. That is what I used to think.
After seeing this scene, it reminds me to be proud of who I am today and knowing that others will also share that too. If I go back and change, I would be a completely different person that I am today and knowing I would never be satisfied. That is what comparing does to you if you continue to think excessively. It makes you think that you could have been a different person, but we fail to see if there are other aspects of us that change for the worse.
Sure, you go back in time where you tell yourself to get into Google and showing how. However, as a result, maybe the caveat is that it resulted you into becoming more egotistic or that you are a bad person.
If I were to go back in time to change the things I did, I would never be on dev.to. I would be living in a dystopian timeline that I am not prepare for (which is the case for Barry in that show when he actually went back in time and prevented the murder of his mom).
I would never meet people like @itsugo, @konark_13 and @codingwithjiro. I would never meet people like Richard and @dannwaneri who had lift me to become who I am today. I would never know that I changed people's lives on dev.to such as @hemapriya_kanagala where she mentioned that I welcomed her back on dev.to, which resulted in her continuing posting on dev.to! All this from a Google Meet Call btw. Finally, I would never have the chance to experience open source with @mikeydorje, @ben, and @jess on Forem!
What would dev.to be, without me and you in the equation? Would it have been the same today? Something that I had in mind while writing this post...
What is the Point?
Been rambling a bit so let's cut to the chase. If you were following along in the previous section above, you know that there is a mask to success. Yes, people show success, but once you figure out how they got there, it shows a different light. Showing that mask of success will get you far until someone questions you in various ways.
Here is a VERY good example of this where this guy made a skit about some guy claiming he got a job at Facebook, but nope:
Maybe comparing yourself to others isn't the problem, it's the problem where we stop questioning ourselves about how others get success in the first place.
Here is something to think about that helped me this year.
1. Comparing yourself is like a Recursion with no base case.
Just because you believe that this person is a God-Tier programmer, it does not mean that this person is the #1 in the world.
You could argue about that the number one programmer has no one to compare too. Keep in mind there are BILLIONS of people in this world and there may be a case where that programmer is comparing themselves to someone that has not be documented on the internet. We will never know.
Always assume there is a bigger fish to fry. There is no end to becoming better than the other.
2. Know more about how they got to their success in the first place.
Think of this. Imagine Person A and Person B got a score of 30 on the ACT. However, Person A got their score by hard work, mentorship, etc. Person B achieve that score by bribe and other illegal stuff (this actually happened btw).
Who would you chose? I would choose Person A if anything.
If I were to chose Person B, sure, I would get success, but once people start digging into it, it's over. Everything you built, everything you have done, is nothing but a memory...
3. Know you are good enough, and I am serious.
We all felt for this when we compare ourselves too much to the point where we doubt our skills.
Know that no matter where you are at right now, you are worth more than you know. Maybe you are not seeing it right away, but the more people you talk too, the more you will see how others value your skills. It takes a while, but eventually, you will find someone who values you.
For example, me and @codingwithjiro talked almost on a daily basis and I notice how we kept on complementing each other about our skills and knowledge in the developer space. Yes, maybe at first glance, we see big numbers and assume they are successful.
However, overtime, we understand each other that we always have something new to learn and grow. Elmar knows more front end stuff than me and I know more about the Software Development Cycle than him. The point is Never judge a book by its cover. There is always room to grow.
If you're growing compared to your past self, that's already a win! 🫡 You can't change others, but you can always change yourself. Good luck with your Salesforce exam!
The next time you compare yourself, don't think about the result. Think about the process. That way, you will never be disappointed.
I hope this has helped you. I have been studying the Salesforce Administrator certification for sometime and I am planning on releasing articles on dev.to about that, so expect more content revolving around that for a while. I will be creating a guide on studying for the exam that would be helpful for me and others who are getting into this certification. Just to let you guys know :)
Top comments (77)
I know it's not gonna happen, but I do wish people would stop comparing themselves so much with others, it's the root of many, many issues - compare yourself to a reasonable standard, and be happy ...
I mean, I know there are other devs who are smarter and 'better' than me (I know quite a few), but I genuinely don't care - great for them, I'm happy with what I'm doing, life is not a competition ...
Hey Leob! There are definitely better devs out there. Having a good mindset and know yourself in a healthy way is a good first step if anything. Though I am wondering if some people can make life a competition. The most common advice I heard is treat life as a video game. Wondering in your opinion to what extent it is healthy and when it is not?
People should do whatever makes them feel comfortable, even if it's "competition" - my point is just that it should be voluntary and 'willing', not because people feel compelled to, or because of group/pschychological pressure - I think at that point it stops being "healthy" ...
I have never understood this unless someone's only desire is money above all else.
Why would you want to work for a company that employs tens of thousands of people exactly like you, which does profoundly evil things in its quest to get richer which shape the world in worse and worse ways?
Do you have no morals? No desire to effect change? Do you actively want to make society worse?
People boast about getting into these big companies, when I would be ashamed to even apply.
Hey Ben. I get where you are coming from and I do see that myself because of what's been happening in tech.
In all fairness, I didn't know better lol. I always thought about getting into well known places will get you far. Now, I don't believe that and I don't blame myself back then, especially an undergrad who is trying to find their way into tech for the first time.
Thanks Ben :D
Great post, Francis!
It reminded me of something Carl Jung wrote, that one of the greatest achievements in life is to become who you truly are.
I don't know whether you've ever read Jung, but it feels like you're arriving at a very similar conclusion from your own perspective. I really enjoyed this one.
Hey Sylwia! I never heard of Carl Jung (unless for some reason I have but not on the top of my head). I will take a look at it after getting certified as a Salesforce Admin haha :D
Exactly! 😄 Carl Jung has already been dead for quite a while, so I'm sure he won't mind waiting until you've finished your Salesforce Admin certification. 😂
But in general, I think it's worth spending some of our free time not only on coding, but also on a bit of psychology and philosophy. Especially when you're the kind of person who enjoys thinking deeply and questioning things. I have a feeling you'd appreciate both. 😊
Could've sworn I checked the site twice to make sure I'm in DEV and not in a biblical site.
Ah you got me Adam lol. To be fair, I was trying to think of a title and after rereading it, "I am that I am" fits in my opinion during that day.
I have nothing much to say except that you're doing great, Francis. keep going.
This felt like a continuation of your previous post, and honestly I think I can see a shift in how you're thinking about comparison compared to a few weeks ago.
One thing that really stood out to me was your point about understanding how someone achieved success before comparing yourself to the result. That's something I don't think we talk about enough.
Online we're usually comparing our behind-the-scenes to someone else's highlight reel, and sometimes even that highlight reel leaves out the parts we wouldn't actually want. The sacrifices, the luck, the timing, the failures... all of it.
I also smiled when you mentioned DEV and the people you've met here. It's easy to think "if only I'd done X earlier," but then you realize changing one thing would've probably changed a hundred others too, including the people you met and the experiences that shaped you.
You've also been pretty open about your mental health over the last few months, and I genuinely think these reflections show growth. Not because you've stopped comparing yourself (I don't think any of us ever completely do), but because you're starting to question the comparison itself instead of automatically believing it.
Again wishing you the best for the Salesforce exam too. Looking forward to reading those posts. 💪
Hey Aryan!
I usually don't go on Instagram because the first thing I see is someone's accomplishment. It bums me out every single time to the point I don't want to use it. On DEV, it's mostly everyone sharing their work and providing feedback, which is what I want imo, not some guy saying "I got a Job at Meta" as their post Title and boasting about it on the post.
I would have wished we all acknowledge this more...sooo important imo
Thanks! Noticing it is hard in terms of having SO much content to look over. Stay tuned on study guide articles! Even if you are stopping by one or all of them, I appreciate comments :)
Don't compare yourself with others try to become better than you were yesterday. That is true success. Best wishes for your Salesforce exam! 🎋
Thanks! @webdeveloperhyper said something similar too lol
If you're growing compared to your past self, that's already a win! 🫡 You can't change others, but you can always change yourself. Good luck with your Salesforce exam!
Lol, the comment looks familiar but credit goes to the people inspire me. Respect for @webdeveloperhyper 🙌🏻
The recursion with no base case analogy is so good — and so accurate, because the comparing never terminates on its own, you have to choose to add the base case yourself. Nobody reaches the top of the comparison ladder and feels done, there's always someone else to measure against, which means the only exit is deciding to stop climbing it.
The Flash reference hit differently than expected honestly 😄 The idea that going back to "fix" things would unravel everything that came from those exact experiences — including the people you've met and the person you've become — is such a good way to reframe regret. The path you didn't take also doesn't come with the people you found on the path you did.
The GitHub contribution graph point is one I think about too. A full green graph and a sparse one tell you almost nothing about what someone actually knows or built. Skills show up when things break, not when the squares are full.
Hey Gamya! I like that you mentioned "Nobody reaches the top of the comparison ladder and feels done, there's always someone else to measure against, which means the only exit is deciding to stop climbing it.". The only way to stop comparing yourself in an unhealthy way is to stop climbing the infinite ladder that you know you can't progress. You have to build your own ladder, knowing that you improve the continue you climb. Thanks!
"Build your own ladder" is such a good reframe, because the comparison ladder is infinite and shared, so by definition you can never reach the top, but your own ladder has a different metric entirely. You're measuring against who you were yesterday rather than who someone else is today, and that's actually a race you can make progress in. Thanks for writing the post in the first place; it clearly resonated with a lot of people! 🌸
If you're growing compared to your past self, that's already a win! 🫡 You can't change others, but you can always change yourself. Good luck with your Salesforce exam!
Thanks Hyper. That's also a great thing to add on that I forgot to mention! Improvement takes place when you see yourself improve based on who you were yesterday!
Hope I pass the exam (I actually needed it lol)
Lol the title got me 😂😂😂 'I AM THAT I AM' is God's answer to Moses in Exodus when he asks for His name . my mother used to hit me with that line growing up whenever I misbehaved, like she was channeling scripture at me mid-scolding. Didn't expect a comparison-trap post to bring that flashback back but it actually fits the message well . no explanation needed, just is what it is. Appreciate the shoutout too 🙏
Thanks Daniel! Thought the title fits to the content lol.
You're already better at putting together emotionally compelling posts than 99.99% of devs.
Like everything - the key is balance. Know when it is enough.
Comparing yourself is natural, otherwise you wouldn't differenciate yourself from others or the world. If you don't compare, you don't look at difference.
To make comparing yourself to others healthy you need to change the reason for comparison so the feedback is constructive. Compare yourself in order to learn, grow and align, unite and build your network.
Look at good developers work and learn from it, strive to do the same, network with those developers and grow your development skills. This applies to developers, your personal life, building a business and many areas. When building a business study other businesses, align with those you have affinity and mutal benefit and gauge where you are at by comparing to your group.
Do not compare without purpuse and strategy. That dilutes your effort - which needs comparison to focus. When you see someone is "better" - ask, is that beneficial to me? Is that what I want to be? Do I want to align with that person? Why am I not doing that? How can I do that? Especially with AI we can do as others do - there is no barrier to better except strategy, motivation and focus.
If you compare with purpose the feedback becomes beneficial and you will grow in that area of focus. Soon you'll need to move on to other areas of comparison. Think of it as a landscape you have to traverse optimally rather than blindly comparing to everything in the path.
Hey Bucabay! This is important that you mention this:
We have to ask ourselves if it is something I can take away and use that as my advantage to improve myself. Otherwise, I would just simply be wasting time thinking it.
Thanks! :D
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