Light
A poem about a depressed person’s journey through unrequited love
Content note: this poem deals with depression and suicidal thoughts. If you’re struggling, you’re not alone. You can find a helpline for your country here, and if you’re in immediate danger, please contact your local emergency services.
I lay in a room bereft of dawn;
Feeling as weak as a pawn.
I turned and turned, but only felt the cold;
I could not embrace sleep’s warm hold.
I took to the sea, where the calm was born.
I watched the stars, yearning, but I was torn.
I wept to the stars, so distant and small,
but the darkness was an unyielding wall.
Did I have the courage to cast away the darkness, to meet the stars and rise?
Or would I embrace the shadows and sink down where the darkness lies?
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The shadows were thick; I was drowning in the deep below.
Then I saw her, shrouding the cold sea with her warm glow.
I was entranced by her radiant grace,
but I was too scared to show my face.
A school of fish swam down into the deep;
they gave me the strength to take the leap.
I reached her incredible height,
but the shadows clung with might.
I cast the darkness aside and spoke;
with her smile, the shadows broke.
She was too bright, and I didn’t deserve her light;
the shadows, ever present, pulled down with spite.
Then again I sank, pulled by the guilt;
I had again lost the confidence I built.
I looked inward and saw a coward.
Sorrow and hate had me overpowered.
The water held my tears as I began to weep,
but the fish kept pulling me from the deep.
Once again I leapt, another attempt to face the sun,
but the light was freezing, and my face was stung.
I tried to believe, to speak and be bold,
but her eyes were ice, refusing me the gold.
The sun denied me, casting me away,
leaving only darkness, heavy and gray.
The sea spat me out, back to the cold floor,
trapped in the dark behind my bedroom door.
Once again, in the shadows I bask,
and up to the distant stars I ask:
If I were any better, would I have my light?
Or am I destined to bleed into the night?
For those who want to know, the name of the girl mentioned here is directly translated to “Light” in my language. I’ll see you all in the next one.
