He is right in front of me, a little far away, but still close enough for me to see him. He is sitting in a meeting, talking and playing with his hair. He is wearing a white T-shirt and black jeans. Funny enough, even I am wearing a white top and black jeans today. Just a coincidence, but somehow, I noticed it.

I keep looking at him. There are so many little things about him that I notice, perhaps things he would never even realise I pay attention to. I never liked it whenever he shaved his beard. I feel he looks much better with his beard because of his round facial structure, but he likes to shave it completely. I don't know why I care about such little things, but I do.

I really want to talk to him, but I am restraining myself. I am trying not to approach him, not to disturb him, and not to find another reason to be around him.

Today, more than anything, I wanted to hug him. I wanted to tell him that I miss him, that I miss his touch, and that I just want to feel myself in his arms. I wanted to be close to him, even if it was only for a few moments. I don't know whether he would understand how much I crave that feeling, but I know how badly I wanted it today.

He has already told me that he isn't into me and doesn't want anything serious. Not now, not even a few years later. He has made it clear that he doesn't see himself having a serious relationship. I know that he is probably just attracted to me and doesn't have feelings for me the way I wish he did.

And yet, knowing all this, I am still unable to keep myself away from him.

I want to stay away. I don't want to disturb him or make him uncomfortable. I don't want to keep chasing someone who has already told me what he wants and, more importantly, what he doesn't want. But somehow, controlling myself becomes difficult whenever he is around.

Whenever I look at him, I just want to keep looking. His eyes, his eyebrows, especially those dark, well-shaped eyebrows that I find incredibly sexy. I don't know what it is about them, but I really like them. I notice his broad shoulders, his strength, and the way he carries himself. He is around 5'9", and there is something about his physical presence that I find attractive.

And then there is me. I know I have a great body structure, although I have a little fat around my stomach. He says that a little fat looks good on women. He likes curvy women, especially thick thighs, and I have thick thighs. Sometimes, I remember the things he says about my body, and those little comments stay with me longer than they probably should.

When we are together, I genuinely enjoy his company. It doesn't even matter whether we are talking or interacting. Sometimes, simply sitting beside each other is enough for me. I like having him around. I like the comfort of his presence, even when there is no conversation between us.

I like the way his eyes look at me. There is something about the way he looks that makes me want to keep looking back at him. I know he isn't into me. I know he doesn't want anything serious with me. But still, somewhere inside, I struggle to believe that whatever exists between us is just casual attraction.

Perhaps that's what confuses me the most. My mind understands what he has said, but my feelings don't seem to follow. I know I should create distance, yet a part of me still waits for an opportunity to talk to him, sit beside him, look into his eyes, or simply be close to him.

Right now, he is just there, in front of me, busy with his meeting. And I am here, quietly noticing everything about him, trying not to make it obvious that I want his attention.

I don't know why I am writing all this. Maybe I just want to take these feelings somewhere instead of expressing them to him. Maybe I want to say everything I cannot say when he is around.

Or maybe, right now, I just want to admit that I miss him.

I miss his touch. I miss being close to him. I miss the feeling of sitting beside him without needing a reason.

And despite knowing that I shouldn't, a part of me still wishes he would come closer, look at me, and make me feel that, even for a moment, he wants to be around me as much as I want to be around him.