you look so happy now.
I probably shouldn’t have looked at your Insta stories last night knowing exactly what day it is. A part of me felt slightly smug when the first thing I saw was your holding up a birthday cake, smiling as widely as my favourite version of you trapped in my memories.
Aha, so I did remember correctly… It’s been a whole year now and somehow that date that didn’t matter that much to you seemed to matter enough for me to commit it to heart. In the fleeting moment of you mentioning your birth date and how you don’t really make a big deal out of it, I remembered.
I remember how you laughed a little as you said that no one seemed to remember because only your sister and your female cousin bothered to wish you that day. You said you didn’t really do anything special that day either. I thought to myself that it sounded a little depressing, but you didn’t really seem phased by it.
Do guys just not care about birthdays as much as us girls do?
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I stare the Insta story glowing in front of me amidst the darkness of my bedroom now. It’s a repost of your new girl wishing you a happy birthday and a snapshot of scattered Polaroids: one of you holding the cake in front of a car boot decorated with balloons and banners that spell out “HAPPY BIRTHDAY” in capitals.
There’s another of you two kissing, with a flower bouquet craftfully covering where both of your lips would’ve connected. How aesthetic, how demure.
I would be lying if I said my heart didn’t drop all the way down my stomach and how I felt sick with jealousy when I first saw that. My eyes couldn’t stop staring at the both of you, especially at how happy you seemed with her. Of course it hurt, and of course I lost both my sleep for the rest of the night and my appetite the morning after because of how upset I got over it.
However sad I got over it though, a small part of my heart couldn’t help but soften at the sight of you so happy and loved. A part of me liked seeing you so cherished and made to feel important on this special day you deemed a regular one for such a long time. I hope you get the excitement and happiness of one’s birthday now that she has showered you with so much care.
Even though I like to be dramatic at times and whine to my friends about why it couldn’t have been me in the pictures and the one being next to you, I have to admit that I probably wouldn’t have done all that for you because that idea wouldn’t have really crossed my mind.
I’m slightly jealous and resentful that you moved on so fast yes, but at the same time I’m also happy to see you happy. So happy your classic eye crinkles and dimples are out for show for the whole wide world to see. How I’ve missed that combo, the one that got me falling for you all over again. You don’t look devilish with your smile this time: it’s a softer version, a one more in love.
I never did wish you a hbd but because you probably won’t see this, here’s a silent belated birthday wish for you.
