imagery
i don’t want to indulge in the lies that i’ve faceted for my own.
since it looks for me, i take a deep breath and look for myself within this reflective surface that i would call a mirror of you.
would it hurt for me to say that you’re all i see within myself? no, i never thought twice about having to think about whether or not my reflection is still clear.
would i still look back?
the absolute still imagery of the things i never thought i could find solace in are the ones that would cast a shadow over what could’ve happened.
i speak for the vast majority of the vulnerability of my actions as these do reflect the man that i have become.
a man. what i’ve become. from what i’ve done.
i never wanted to give some sort of misdemeanor into knowing that i would have been thinking the same thoughts if i was in your shoes.
in fact, i’m still too self-aware of the fact that i reflect what i see, and from what i see is the reflection that gazes upon me.
never have i ever thought that a look into the past would’ve altered my future gravely. its no small deal, and it may even ruin how you see the present.
i was really nothing but a fool for thinking that my perspective is all that matters. a fool for not having consideration for what was going on around me.
i want to break. i wanted to break. you kept me from shattering.
it’s these glass shards that do us harm, even in the sole glimpse of the other side that i have been begging to reach, i was still there trying to look for clues
apologies were never meant to be bent and broken, they were supposed to be said straight with an even fashion, right?
for countless of times i have said the word “sorry”, albeit being too much, nevertheless on the hands of my reflection looking back at me and wondering how far must i go to be reckoned?
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i never hated myself.
as a matter of fact, i only despised myself.
despise in knowing that i would’ve been a better man if only i knew where to look.
a better man if only i knew what shoulder to peek on.
would you have ever noticed if your reflection just stopped looking back at you and wonder for what beauty there is behind you?
will we ever be not scared of delving into the past for our own sake?
no, but i am scared of looking back and wondering where i went wrong. i only wanted to focus on my mistakes and work from there. no roundabouts, no u-turns, just straight up learning and relearning.
maybe it really is me looking at these broken shards of glass, or maybe i am these shards.
piece by piece, i know i’ll be rebuilt, but i wouldn’t be the same anymore.
seams, cracks, bends, all will not produce the same imagery anymore.
a crooked reflection is what i see for myself.
i was a fool for thinking that none of your point of views should be taken into consideration, regardless whether or not i knew what angle you looked at the mirror from.
it’s still the same image that you see.
it’s still me.
and i know that this reflection of me that you see will forever be indebted to how you chose to see me, not just how your eyes perceive.
perhaps it’s within those eyes that i know i’ll ruin myself in hopes that your mind will get a clearer view.
the foggy mirror stands tall, not for the vagueness of the image in front of it, but rather how it chooses to show you what you fail to see.
