The Person I Am Becoming
Somewhere between who I was and who I want to be, I lost the girl I used to know.
I don’t think growing up changes us all at once.
I think it happens quietly, in the little things we stop explaining, the people we stop waiting for, and the dreams we learn to hold a little more gently.
One day, you wake up and realise that the things that once made you happy don’t feel the same anymore. The people you thought would always be there have become distant memories. And the version of yourself you once knew so well feels like someone you used to be friends with a long time ago.
You don’t remember exactly when you changed.
You just know that you did.
And perhaps that’s the strangest part of growing up. Nobody tells you that you might miss yourself along the way.
The Girl I Used to Be
Sometimes, I think about the person I was a few years ago.
The way she trusted people without questioning their intentions. The way she imagined her future as if the world had already promised to be kind to her. The way little things could make her whole day beautiful.
She had dreams that seemed impossible but never stopped believing in them. She cared a little too much, overthought a little too often, and found meaning in things that other people might not even notice.
I wonder what she would think if she met me today.
Would she be proud of me?
Would she understand the choices I’ve made, the people I’ve let go of, and the walls I’ve built around the parts of myself I once shared so freely?
Or would she look at me with those familiar eyes and ask when I became so careful with my heart?
I don’t have an answer.
But I think she would understand eventually.
Because she doesn’t know everything I’ve learned yet.
She doesn’t know that sometimes, being kind doesn’t mean everyone will be kind in return. That trying your hardest doesn’t always mean things will work out the way you imagined.
And she doesn’t know that some lessons arrive without asking permission, leaving you to figure out how to live with what they’ve taught you.
Perhaps I wouldn’t explain everything to her.
Perhaps I would simply tell her that she’s allowed to grow, even if growing means becoming someone she never imagined she would be.
Somewhere Along the Way, I Changed
I used to think becoming a better version of myself meant becoming someone who never cried over little things, never doubted herself, and never let anyone see her struggling.
I thought strength meant having everything under control.
Now, I’m beginning to understand that strength can look very different.
Sometimes, it’s admitting that something hurt you instead of pretending it didn’t matter.
Sometimes, it’s walking away from a situation you desperately wanted to work out.
And sometimes, it’s waking up on a difficult morning, doing what you can, and accepting that what you managed today is enough.
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I’m learning that I cannot keep punishing the person I am today for the things the person I was yesterday didn’t know.
She was learning, too.
“Perhaps growing up is learning that you can miss something without wanting it back and remember who you were without feeling the need to become that person again.”
Meeting the Person I Am Becoming
The truth is, I don’t know exactly who I’m becoming.
Some days, I’m proud of how far I’ve come. On others, I miss the person I used to be.
But perhaps both feelings can exist together.
I can be grateful for the person I’m becoming and still feel tenderness for the person I used to be.
I can make mistakes without allowing them to define me. I can change my dreams without calling my old ones foolish. And I can take my time without believing I’m falling behind.
Maybe I don’t need to have everything figured out just yet.
Maybe I only need to keep asking myself one question:
Am I becoming someone I can be proud of?
I hope the answer will become clearer with time.
For now, I’m learning to give myself the same patience I so freely offer others.
I’m learning to stop treating myself like a problem that needs to be solved and start seeing myself as a person who’s still growing.
I am not the girl I used to be.
I’m not yet the woman I imagine becoming.
I’m somewhere in between, learning, growing, making mistakes, and discovering pieces of myself I didn’t know existed.
And perhaps that’s enough.
“Maybe the point was never to become someone else.
Maybe it was to become more fully ourselves, one quiet day at a time.”
