The Day I Chose Life then pain. From Alcohol to Purpose Through Jesus
A Return to What Matters in this moment.
A Return to What Matters in This Moment
This isn’t a story dressed in poetry or metaphors.
This is truth as I’ve lived it as of today. I’m 33 years old, about to be 34. A soon-to-be husband. A father of three. A man who spent years drinking, numbing, and masking the pain of family trauma and relationship pains.
Alcohol doesn’t just take your health and thoughts. It slowly steals your clarity, your purpose, your presence with the people who matter most around you. It steals your dreams and the ability to be around others.
Alcohol doesn’t care how old you are or how successful you are. Doesn’t matter if you’re poor or don’t have a car or job. It can start young and innocent. It can follow you into adulthood like a dark cloud on a sunny day. It sits quietly in your routine while it chips away at your life.
When can I drink, you may ask? After work? When you’re out with friends or family? On vacations? Any excuse to just have one. A trigger from a person that rubs you the wrong way? Any time, anywhere, right?
The commercials make it look cool with the hot girls and the cool-looking guy. Cool cars or a fun nightlife party. Well, it’s not what they make it out to be. I know this because I lived it. Walked it. Took over my life at one point. There were no cool cars or hot girls. If there were, couldn’t remember. Where’s the fun in that?
Not saying don’t drink, but to drink responsibly. Don’t do as the world tells you to do. When your body says enough, listen to it. Don’t be a subject to study about at a hospital or a video someone watches. Don’t be that person where your kids see you in a coffin asking Mommy, “Why is Daddy sleeping?” Don’t be that person.
My aunt was drinking at work and got thrown from her car 50 feet away while driving home. Got saved by a man when she was dying on his farmland in Oklahoma. Couldn’t see the bottom half of her at the showing.
To say the least, there was a moment at work where I genuinely thought I was having a heart attack. My heart was racing. Dizzy, could not walk, and it was a nightmare. I swear this time, Lord, then I drank. Oh, this time, Lord, then I drink. Till one day, this happened. Funny enough, the day before, told God this is the day, and if not, show me a sign. Guess what? I drink, and here we are on the next day.
I have never felt closer to death than I did that day. It was more sobering to realize what true pain and heart racing feels like. I barely made it to a safe place to sit down, and I prayed to God, telling Him to take care of my family when I’m gone. My chest was tight. My body felt off. My mind started racing, almost to the point of blacking out.
And in that moment, I did something that was simple but real for the first time in my life. I called out to Jesus.
Not like before, but in a way of fully surrendering yourself to Him.
Not in a perfect prayer, but in a broken state. Not with polished words. Just honestly, for once in my life, in true horror and desperation. Help me. Just one more chance, please. I have a family to take care of. I can’t go yet.
In that moment, change happened. Not instantly, not magically like a Harry Potter film. It woke me up. It made me realize I wasn’t in control the way I thought I was.
What I felt in return wasn’t fear.
It was clarity.
A quiet but firm understanding that I was made for a purpose and duty. A calling that the good old Lord was saying to me for a long time that I ignored. I felt as Jesus was saying, “What I have for you, you can’t even fathom. There’s more for you than this.”
Bigger than you can even see right now in your current state.
## The Warning Signs We Ignore and Forgot to Address
Alcohol doesn’t always destroy your life overnight.
It works slowly onwards to make it feel normal.
Until one day, you notice that your energy drops and small things make you tired.
Your mind gets foggy, and you can’t recall memories.
Your body starts sending signals with how puffy you are or bruising real easily. You’re not hungry anymore as you used to be.
Your relationships weaken, and people ask you who you are or you change.
Your purpose fades, and all that seems real now, only feels real as a drink.
It keeps going because it’s the only way to feel normal.
Feeling tired all the time isn’t normal.
Feeling disconnected isn’t normal.
Living without direction isn’t normal.
We were made for more than that drank.
## Signs, Faith, and Paying Attention to the World and Spiritual World Around You
During that same week, on day 3 from my spiritual attack of dying and awakening, a random tree caught on fire at work. A random tree, and it was so bizarre.
Out of nowhere, really. Most people would brush that off. Just another odd event. But for me, it stuck. It reminded me of something deeper from the story of Moses and the burning bush.
A moment where God gets your attention. I’m not here to argue signs or force meaning onto anyone. But I will say this. When you start seeking God, you start noticing things differently. Boy, oh boy, this was like the Twilight Zone. Even a person walking by said, “It’s Moses and the burning bush,” then it clicked.
Oh my gosh, this is a sign from God.
## Healing Isn’t Just Physical; It’s Mental
Since stepping away from alcohol, I’ve started to notice real changes in my life.
My body is healing better than I imagined, thanks to God.
My skin looks better, and I lost a lot of weight. Starting to look like my old self again. My energy is coming back, and I can move quicker than ever before.
My mind is clearer than ever.
My connection to my family is stronger, and my kids are calmer, and my wife’s is more closer than ever.
But more than anything.
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My relationship with God is real now. More stronger than ever.
## Sunshine, Food, and the Simple Things in Life
Healing didn’t just come from quitting alcohol. It came from returning to what’s natural.
Being outside in the sun more.
Eating real, whole foods.
Moving my body, skateboarding, swimming, staying active, and being able to skate longer and swim harder.
Slowing down enough to actually feel life again.
These things sound simple, but they matter more than people realize when you drink your life away for so long. We’ve complicated life so much that we’ve forgotten how to live it.
## Becoming Who You’re Called. Stepping Into Momentum.
I’m not done. Not even close.
I’m still working a job that challenges me every day.
Still figuring things out.
Still growing.
Now I know where I’m going, and it feels great.
I want to become a Japanese swordsmith as a foreigner.
I want to farm and live closer to the land and grow my own food before it’s taken away by the government.
I want to write and share truth with others and be that person watching the rain with an old man’s pipe, writing a story. Being able to own my own time, not a time clock or boss who doesn’t care about me.
I want to live a life rooted in discipline, faith, and purpose and share it with others to watch them succeed.
And yeah, I still skateboard at 33 when my childhood friends don’t. Not a flex, but I’m still going, baby!!!!
Because growth doesn’t mean losing who you are. It means refining it to someone better.
## This Is What Keeps Me Going Now
It’s not just one thing.
It’s everything that matters now.
My beautiful stay-at-home wife that makes everything homemade, practically. That follows my leadership.
My kids that bang on the window after work, excited to see me. Wanting to play Legos.
The responsibility to lead my family well and lead the people who inspire me right now.
The people I might help just by telling them the truth. Not the worldly truth, but biblical truth and wisdom.
Above all,
Thank you, Jesus!!! My Lord and Savior. Amen.
My foundation.
## The Truth About Change That Needs to Be Heard
You don’t need to have everything figured out to change your life. Am still at my low-paying job, struggling daily. Still dreaming and still trying.
Honestly, you just need to be willing to submit to Him. To admit you don’t have control over everything in life. To ask for help when help is needed, especially as a man. To take one step in the right direction and to never look back.
Jesus doesn’t just improve your life.
He transforms it, like He’s doing to me.
Doesn’t mean your tire won’t be flat for tomorrow morning’s work commute. Or your bank account’s negative 100 dollars. Just means you found your truth.
## Final Word
Alcohol will take from you. It will never give back.
Slowly. Quietly. Completely, if you let it.
The demons and spirits in the bottle. Don’t let them get you.
Through faith.
Discipline.
Returning to Jesus.
If you’re at that point where your body is warning you, your mind is tired, and your soul knows something has to change, and there’s a life out there, I ask you to communicate with God.
If anything, just put down the drink for a few days. Limit yourself less and less. There’s more help out there than you know.
Capture your dreams and keep dreaming.
Don’t ignore this. That moment might be the beginning of everything. It may be right under your nose, and you’re just waiting to itch it.
God bless you all, and thanks for hearing my story.
