Cigs
Do you remember the linger of regret when you lit your cigarette for the first time? You were probably 11, stealing one of your older brother’s. Or 16 when you were out getting the pressure from your oh-so-called friends. Or even 22 when you were sitting on the roof contemplating your own life, thinking whether or not you should jump.
Do you remember how every breath you took felt like a crush on both your lungs? Bitter lips just could not lie, blowing away the weight from your shoulders just for a moment. And in that particular second, everything became so easy. All the thing that mattered was the next smoke.
And suddenly the whole pack was empty.
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You finished it all by yourself, for no reason at all.
Then you long for a similar sensation so you keep buying another pack after another. Smokes and smokes, while all you need is actually someone to talk to.
You don’t even bother though, because this way, you don’t need to say any word or hurt any other person. All of a sudden, you never leave without your pocket filled with some cigs.
And the regret is all gone.
(July 23rd, 2019)
