Member-only story
I Wait
The season has officially changed in my brain and body. No more summer. Now the darkness has descended. That wet cold that starts in my heels, toes, and shoulder blades. That level of “just sit” that takes over. It’s not exactly brain fog or depression — it's more hibernation. Every year, my entire life, I have dealt with this lack of motivation, desire, executive function, and more. It always starts in October and rarely ends before April.
Meds don’t help. Hot tea or cocoa — nope. Fresh air and sunshine can make it worse. I feel like Persephone, and this is my time in Hell.
I know daylight starts before 7 am and ends around 9 pm, but not anymore. Instead, the sun doesn’t show up until 8 am and runs away by 4:30 or 5 pm. I am swathed in darkness, banished from the light, and I have never understood what I did to deserve this punishment. Whose hubris did I offend? How can I make amends? What can be done to end this? I lament each year, and the only answer is to wait.
Wait.
What choice do I have! Sure, time can seem to move at different speeds, but we all know what speed awaits someone told to WAIT.
So, I drag myself to my favorite chair already covered with blankets, books, and cats. Additionally, I bring a tea set, cookies, and crackers to pass my time in purgatory. I wait. Yes, (salah) I wait, ever expecting the moment life begins once more. Standing on an imagined precipice, ready to leap into the light and celebrate our reunion.
Until that moment, I wait.
