Member-only story
Imperfections We Magnify in Others
The person who disturbs your peace might be carrying a part of you
We all know individuals who often irritate us with their behaviour. The man who always insists on being right. The woman who has every conversation defending herself from the start to the end. A man who hates criticism. A woman who keeps reminding others of their past mistakes. We notice these things quickly, often before we even know the person well, yet we can tell right away what annoys us about them. That speed is not logical but definitely psychological.
However, there is something uncomfortable about this instance, that the very behavior from others that drives us up the wall, often exists in our own habitual patterns too. We may agree that some passed judgements are true, fair and reasonable. We don’t need to turn them into an honest accusation against ourselves. But human nature is a bit more complicated than that. Sometimes, what we condemn in others touches something problematic in ourselves.
Consider someone who cannot tolerate being corrected. They may call someone else’s defensiveness with surprising insight pointing out how frustrating it is when they excuse their wrongs. When we do a thing called ‘not fair’, we understand the reasons behind it. We well remember the pressure we were under. We justify our fears…
