Member-only story
People Loved Me Most When I Had No Boundaries
I Said No Once and Became the Difficult Woman
The Day I Stopped Being Nice, Everyone Discovered My Attitude Problem — They Mistook Unlimited Access for My Personality.
My sister-in-law called me rude because I would not make sixty snacks for a family ceremony on a Thursday.
She did not say "rude" immediately. First she reminded me that I was good at organizing. Then she mentioned how expensive catering had become. When I still said no, concern entered her voice.
“You have changed,” she said.
She was right. I had changed from available to unavailable, which some families experience as a personality disorder.
Nice Women Become Infrastructure
For years, I was the person who remembered serving spoons, children’s allergies, and which aunt was no longer speaking to which cousin. I carried spare safety pins to weddings. I returned the borrowed containers cleaner than they arrived.
Nobody forced me at gunpoint. I volunteered because usefulness gave me a clean place in the family. If I kept moving, nobody could accuse me of selfishness. More importantly, I did not have to ask whether anyone liked me when I was sitting still.
