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CHILDHOOD | IDENTITY | THE MEANING OF STRENGTH
The Man I’ve Become Would Disappoint the Boy I Once Was
I thought I knew exactly who I needed to become. Life had other plans.
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“When I grow up, I will get back at them all. They will see. Nobody will ever hurt me again.”
I remember the day I made that promise to myself.
I was about seven years old and had run behind a shed in the woods in an effort to escape my abusive brother and his “crew.” It was the only place I could hide, as my mother predictably had one of her boyfriends over, and he was just as bad as my brother.
The memory remains vivid partly because it happened so many times. I would run to my hiding place, wait for the danger to pass, and make the same promise to myself.
I would grow up, get tough, and then teach them all a lesson.
It was the only plan I had, and I held onto it like grim death. It gave me hope in a world where it had all but disappeared.
I think about that boy and his promise quite often these days. I don’t do so because I am particularly sentimental. No, it has more to do with finally being able to stop and hear…
