The Stranger Within Me
There is something inside me that keeps calling my name. A kind of fear that takes over my mind before I even begin something good. I haven’t even started anything yet, and this fear has already begun showing me endless worst-case possibilities.
It takes away my peace. I constantly find myself worrying about others more than I should, feeling trapped by a question: Why am I always the one who has to worry about everyone?
Whenever I try not to, the anxiety inside me refuses to let me sleep.
There is always something strange about it. Even my constant prayers cannot put that fear to sleep. I don’t know whose grip my mind is under, but something keeps showing me the worst possibilities along with the good ones.
It feels as though I have two minds. One that always thinks positively, and another that thinks negatively. The unknown fear inside me keeps me from making decisions. It blurs my vision and makes me question my own abilities. It makes me feel that if I take up a task, I will surely end up making a mistake. Even before I get the chance to try, it begins filling my mind with doubts. It constantly tries to shake my confidence, making me question whether I am capable enough to handle things on my own.
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It’s almost as if, even now, if someone were to ask me, “Would you like me to do this task for you?” I would instantly say yes, without giving myself a chance to think. And this fear unknowingly makes me dependent on someone else. Somewhere along the way, I have started doubting my own ability to take responsibility.
This fear screams at me, telling me that I cannot lead, that if I ever take the lead, I will surely mess something up. It makes me imagine situations where I fail, where people notice my mistakes, and where I become a reason for someone else’s laughter. I can almost see someone laughing at me, a constant laugh echoing in my mind.
The remarks about my abilities, the criticism I have made against myself, all come rushing back. Even when nobody is questioning me, I find myself questioning my own decisions. I start thinking about what people will say, how they will judge me, and whether I will become a subject of their discussion. I find myself trapped in the endless cycle of “What will people say?”
How did all of this happen? I was never like this. I always knew how to move forward, how to keep going despite everything. How did I end up at this point?
If this fear is going to come between me and my dreams, then I need to find a way to free myself from it. I cannot let something like this stand in the way of everything I have ever wanted to achieve.
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