Influence without pressure
175/300. That strange sense of self worth
We naturally resist things we can clearly see coming. I think I have been thinking about this for so long including it’s brother, psychology reactance. Why do we react strongly and even resist things that are obviously coming on to us.
Tell someone they’re wrong, and they’ll immediately begin defending themselves.
If I try to force an idea on you, you’ll look for reasons to reject it.
If you push too hard, people won’t just resist your opinion. They’ll resist you.
We don’t like feeling cornered.
The last time someone tried to change your mind by trying to win maybe an argument, you automatically switched up. You were no longer trying to win the argument or not but mostly trying to stand your ground and not because they were wrong.
It happens everywhere. It’s the reason I advocate for letting people breathe in conversations. Just listen because the more you add your voice, the more you push them, the more you seem to be telling them what to do, they more they stop listening and start defending.
They thing is people like to arrive at a conclusion they feel the discovered themselves not something you asked them to do or you sold to them or you pushed on them.
It’s the reason why someone telling you to clean up your room, just backfires and you’d probably end up not doing it. At least not that day anymore.
I think it’s a sense of self worth. A strange satisfaction that you stood up and figured that thing yourself with no guide.
Get Favour Ugbor’s stories in your inbox
Join Medium for free to get updates from this writer.
And it made me think about influence and why it is strong.
Influence is not persuasion or talking better or arguing better or presenting strong evidence or forcing you to do something.
Quite the opposite actually.
It’s simply creating enough space for someone else to think.
Think about the last thing you bought something because you saw it somewhere. It doesn’t matter who it is. That’s influence. They didn’t need to force it down your throat, they simply existed while creating a space that made you feel like “Yeah, I think I should buy this.”
There’s no pressure in influence. They post on their social media, you see it, you get curious, and you go out of your way to have it too.
Smooth and slick.
It’s why influence can be dangerous. The wrong influence.
Because that feeling doesn’t differentiate, you could stare at your death in the face but because you saw someone else do it. Something just helps you make the decision and may or may not push you to your death.
It’s your freedom to choose.
However, most times just let people be. Stop trying to sell them an idea or tell them what to do.
(Honestly, I think telling me what to do is very annoying.)
You can instead channel that energy into guiding them to make a better choice but not forcing them or pushing it on them.
