Why Do People Cheat in Relationships? 8 Reasons Backed by Research
If Your Partner Made You Unhappy, Would Cheating Be Justified?
People often say cheating happens because someone is unhappy, neglected, or no longer in love.
But what if that’s only part of the story?
A person can cheat because of relationship problems. Another can cheat because they want excitement, validation, or something new. Some even cheat to punish their partners.
A 2017 study published in The Journal of Sex Research surveyed 495 people who reported infidelity and identified eight distinct motivations. The findings challenge the assumption that cheating always means something was missing from the relationship.
Read the original scientific study.
Here are the eight reasons researchers identified and the uncomfortable questions they raise.
1. Anger: Cheating to Get Revenge
Some people cheat because they feel betrayed, hurt, or angry with their partners. They may want revenge or believe that making their partner suffer will somehow balance the score.
But revenge doesn’t repair trust. It creates another betrayal.
Debate: If your partner cheats first and you cheat back, is that justice or are you making the same choice you condemn?
2. Self-Esteem: The Need to Feel Wanted
Some people seek attention outside their relationship because they want to feel attractive, desirable, popular, or important.
The attention of a new person may provide temporary validation. But seeking that validation through secrecy can damage the trust they already have.
The uncomfortable question: Can someone genuinely love their partner while constantly needing other people to prove their worth?
3. Lack of Love: Falling Out of Love
Some participants reported cheating because they no longer felt in love with their primary partner.
Emotional attachment can change over time. But falling out of love and choosing to deceive someone are two different things.
A relationship may need an honest conversation or an ending rather than a secret affair.
Debate: Is falling out of love a valid explanation for cheating or simply a reason to leave?
4. Low Commitment: Never Being Fully Invested
Some people cheat because they were not strongly committed to the relationship in the first place.
They may enjoy the security of having a partner while remaining unwilling to accept the boundaries that commitment requires.
This raises an important distinction: wanting a relationship is not necessarily the same as being ready to honour one.
Question: Should people be judged more harshly for cheating when they never genuinely intended to be faithful?
5. Need for Variety: Wanting Something Different
Some people seek multiple partners or new sexual experiences because they desire variety.
This motivation challenges the idea that everyone who cheats must be dissatisfied with their current partner.
A desire for novelty does not automatically mean a relationship is bad. However, secretly pursuing that novelty can violate an agreement.
Consensual non-monogamy is different: partners agree to the arrangement rather than one person secretly breaking the rules.
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The twist: What if someone cheats not because their partner isn’t enough, but because they want more than an exclusive relationship allows?
6. Neglect: Feeling Invisible in a Relationship
Some people report cheating because they feel ignored, unappreciated, or emotionally disconnected.
When affection and attention diminish, someone may seek connection elsewhere.
Relationship neglect can be a real problem that deserves attention. But it does not make infidelity inevitable, and it does not transfer responsibility for cheating onto the neglected partner.
Debate: If someone repeatedly communicates their needs and feels ignored, does that change how you judge their decision to cheat?
7. Sexual Desire: Wanting More Sexual Fulfilment
Some people cheat because they want sex, feel sexually dissatisfied, or are attracted to someone else.
Sexual needs and compatibility can affect relationships, but desire itself does not require betrayal.
Partners can discuss their needs, renegotiate boundaries, seek help, or decide to separate.
Question: Is sexual dissatisfaction a reasonable explanation for infidelity — or does it become an excuse when someone chooses secrecy over honesty?
8. Situational Factors: Opportunity and Circumstances
Finally, some people describe circumstances such as being intoxicated, highly stressed, or caught up in a particular situation as contributing to their infidelity.
Situations can influence judgement and decision-making. But a circumstance that helps explain a behaviour does not automatically excuse it.
The study also found that different motivations were associated with different experiences and outcomes during affairs.
Read a follow-up study on infidelity motivations and outcomes.
The hard question: If someone says, “It just happened,” are they describing what happened or avoiding responsibility for how they responded to the situation?
The Twist: Does Cheating Mean Your Partner Wasn’t Enough?
Not necessarily.
The research identified motivations involving relationship dissatisfaction, but also self-esteem, sexual variety, low commitment, and situational circumstances. The study does not prove that any one motivation causes cheating in every person.
Its participants were also a specific sample, mostly young adults, so the eight categories should not be treated as a universal explanation for all relationships.
Here’s the distinction that matters: understanding why someone cheats is not the same as deciding whether their behaviour was justified.
A person can feel neglected without cheating. Someone can feel sexually dissatisfied without cheating. Someone can even fall out of love without deceiving their partner.
Motivation helps explain behaviour. It doesn’t automatically remove responsibility.
Let’s Settle the Debate
Which statement comes closest to your view?
A. Most cheating begins with problems in the relationship.
B. Cheating often reveals more about the person who cheats than their partner.
C. Relationship problems can explain infidelity, but the decision to betray trust belongs to the person who makes it.
D. None of these. The reasons depend entirely on the situation.
Leave your honest opinion below. Challenge the argument, explain your reasoning, and share this article with someone who would disagree.
One final question: If you discovered that your partner cheated because they felt neglected, would that change your judgment, or would the betrayal matter more than the reason? Comment Below..
Thank you for reading!
