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The Psychology Behind Why We Sometimes Treat the People We Love the Worst
Why the people who deserve our best often get our leftovers
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“I don’t know how you folks do it. Sam is a complete nightmare at home, but at school he is an angel. What gives?”
I looked across my desk at the bewildered eyes of the father staring back at me.
This was a line I had heard countless times as a principal. Parents frustrated by their children who were able to completely control themselves at school, but would become holy terrors as soon as they returned home.
They couldn’t understand the transformation, and they wanted to know what they could do about it.
And they were not imagining it. What they described was very real for some children. It was also completely natural.
I calmly patted the exasperated father’s shoulder and gave the same answer I had given so many parents who had come before him with the same question.
“Sam isn’t an angel here because it’s easy for him to be one. He’s working hard to hold it all together. Home is where he finally feels safe enough to let it all go.”
